To think she should’ve offered to help?

[ForFairLilacHare]

I have two children, one in primary school and an 8 month old baby. DS had parents evening this evening so I had asked my mum to if she could look after baby so me and DH could both attend. We were only gone for around 15 minutes as the school is only across the road.

When we returned, we asked my mum is she wanted to staying for dinner. Once we had finished around, she just got up from the table and said she had best get home. She said bye to the children and then just left leaving everything still on the table. As you can imagine, there was quite a bit of mess as DS2 is weaning and had dropped most of his dinner on the floor.

AIBU that she should have offered to help me to clean up or at the very least brought her plate and glass to the sink?

You started a thread about the non-incident of the decade and are telling other posters to get a life?

Yes the word is ‘usually’
this is what usually happens in the evening. He hadn’t actually taken baby up yet

"What would I get from lying after the parents evening when that wasn’t even the point of the thread"

To try to get people to think you're not being as unreasonable as most posters currently do? Else why keep changing the narrative

OP. Are you feeling ok?

I actually don't understand why both parents need to attend parents evening for a primary school child, unless there are concerns about the child, but even then that shouldn't be saved for PE when there's only 10 minutes.

OP they are your children and no one else is obligated to clean up after them. Your poor mum has done a nice thing in helping you out. Please show her some gratitude rather than nit picking her

Not only is OP a magician but she also has a DS who can be simultaneously downstairs being minded by OP whilst also upstairs being bathed by DH. Frankly, @CalamityJane81 , I don't know how you have the gall to call yourself a teacher if you have such poor time management skills that a parent at your school cannot do a parents evening, door to door, in under 10 minutes

Yes, they’re often put away immediately after your appointment 😂

Pity then you couldn't have just opened your front door and the teacher could have mimed a thumbs up from across the road.

DM could have stayed home if it was all such a non-event!😂

You got to go, she helped you out. Honestly, just quit whinging.

I think some people treat grandparents like they’re absolute fucking skivvies. She’s got a life, she wanted to get home. She’d done you the favour by babysitting. Now you’re pissy she didn’t take her plate to the sink. Fucking hell!

Who knows why she didn't feel like helping further ...I'd just say oh well - it's not something I'd dwell on and certainly not a hill to die on or make a thread about!

What is the point of this thread, OP?
91% say you are being unreasonable but you’re persisting that you’re not, and wanging on about “basic manners” and “etiquette” and implying it’s the 91% who are wrong.

Why bother even asking?

And YABU, by the way.

ffs grow up

Yea, your Mam should have taken her plate to the sink/offered to help clean up. But I think that you have done much worse by coming on here to whinge about your own mother's tiny infraction. Bloody bonkers!

Juat fondly thinking back to the times my dad would babysit my 1 single child and I'd get him in his fave food in and come home and we'd chat about whatever I'd been doing. Do nor recall if he put his plate in the sink or offered to plumb my dishwasher in for me and I couldn't care less.

I Just think if someone has cooked dinner for you, you at least make the offer to help afterwards

I think if someone has gone out of their way to travel to you and look after your child, you could at least not grumble that they didn't stay around to help a bit more. Perhaps there were things she needed to do at home.

It’s like, if there’s been a lunch or leaving party at work

That's not at all like 3 adults and a child having dinner.

She did help, she minded your child so you could all go to parents evening.

I think she probably thought it best to leave you to it. She’d done her bit and didn’t want to be in the way as you put the children to bed. It’s awfully difficult being a mum in these circumstances. You can’t do right for doing wrong.

I think you and your mother were both rude to stand up and start clearing the table while your DH was still eating. She seems to have left very abruptly, perhaps dinner had taken longer than she expected. If your baby was getting 'fussy' and your DH was about to start his bath maybe your mum felt she should get out of the way. I really wouldn't expect guests to clear their own plates because I would do it first. I don't think I even notice if they offer to help or not.

She wasn’t invited as a guest, she was there because she was helping you.

No, it's not normal for a GUEST to clean up your house. That's your job as host.

Flipping cheek of OP, with her husband right there in front of her quite capable of cleaning up his child’s far-flung food.

I don’t think the OP was expecting her to clean the house(!) though.

I think she felt it was rude to finish eating and stand up and go. I would never do that at someone’s house. I’d help to stack plates, take some bits to the kitchen or in some cases offer to wash/stack dishwasher. If it were my family who had two young kids and likely a busy evening ahead I’d offer to help. I know she looked after the baby but it was a quick 15 min appointment.

the only difference would be a more formal dinner where you may wait for all to finish and the hosts clear. But I’d still help. Even in restaurants I’ll tidy up any serviettes, pick up food if my kids have dropped it and stack any smaller plates etc.

everyone’s different but for me it’s not transactional especially with a young family. I just help.

if my parents had come to help and they offered I’d very likely just say no it’s ok, you get off. But they would grab some stuff and take to the kitchen. And shocker - yes, even if they’d had a baby for half and hour.

I've always offered to help out and been firmly told "no".

Maybe she was just skipping past that dance, idk.