To cancel a day out over breezy attitude?

[MaybeOverthinkerNightmare]

Not sure if im being unreasonable here or expecting a little too much as I struggle to make friends and feel a bit disheartened with this situation.

I'm off work this week and have some childfree time to myself. I asked a friend if they fancied doing something like go fo a walk. They took a while to respond but eventually with a backhanded comment "sure a walk tomorrow then, what time?", I responded with a time and meeting place which was read and nothing further. We are due to meet tomorrow and haven't heard anything more from them since then.

A similar thing happened a few weeks ago when i invited them to lunch, had a great time (i paid) and went for an hour walk afterwards. Then I got ghosted or semi causal/vague responses to messages after that. I feel a bit disheartened that i get a sense they are just not interested and trying to placate me.

This has taken a lot of effort for me to put myself out there and make friends, instigating more rather than being led. I guess thinking a little enthusiasm or reciprocation would be nice but am I expecting too much? Is this actually how friendships are? Should I cancel and just move on from this situation?

Can you explain how her comment was backhanded? I think you're reading too much into it.

You are waiting for a time to meet tomorrow for a walk? Surely there is a time that suits you, so why don’t you message back “how about x tomorrow?”

The important thing in a friendship is the time you spend together

it’s not important that the friend likes to engage in gushing online chatter , it’s not important that they are waiting for your messages so they can instantly respond

don’t pay however that comes across as needy and people tend to shy away a from needy people

I read it as you’re at a loose end and suggested a walk. It’s casual and natural, don’t overthink it.

If you’ve heard nothing back, assume it’s not going ahead. Take yourself for lunch.

Some people just don’t really like messaging / don’t go on their phone very often.

Their response sounded fine, and maybe they just forgot to reply to the time and location. Maybe just follow up with “hey, just checking we’re still on for tomorrow?”

If you have a nice time with them when you see them, then just put it down to an awkward messaging style on their part.

Did they thank you for paying for lunch? Did they say they would get the next one?

She has already stipulated a time and place. I don't know what else you expect, @MaybeOverthinkerNightmare .

"Are. you still up for walk tomorrow ? Let's meet at the car park/cafe at 3pm."

If it means a lot to you to develop friendship, you possibly feel more intense about it that your friend. If she has multiple people in her life and lots to do, then she is likely to be more casual about your meets ups than you, if it means a lot to you. She hasn't done anything wrong. She was obviously good company and she has accepted the walk invitation. I'd drop a message tomorrow saying "still OK for later?"
If she cancels in response, or there are other instances where you pay and she doesn't, those are red flags.

Exactly

and the Op is about to cancel the one plan for her day with a friend because she’s got the hump

Just message and say just checking we are still meeting tomorrow as you haven’t responded.

Chill out mate. I speak as another chronic overthinker ❤️

Most of our actions come from fear, or love. We fear and so we put up barriers and misinterpret things. Fear holds us back. It denies us true connections. It whispers bullshit in our ears.

It's not usually the worst case scenario. If you enjoy it when you are face to face, keep it loose and casual and build up your self esteem along the way.

Stop the overthinking in it's tracks by physically changing your actions and thoughts. Stop those fearful claws from digging in to you, and enjoy the development of a potential friendship.

(but having said that, don't pay for every meal! It needs to be roughly reciprocal only opinion)

The first response was "no other plans then?"

I have stated a time and meeting place and asked if that works. They thumbed up my message and that was it. No follow up conversation or check in. This has sort of been the case since lunch a few weeks ago. Breezy, casual or no chat at all inbetween. I am initiating all the past few meets and contact. They do agree to come and turn up but it's just confusing, like we are only friends for that day at my request. It just feels a bit off. I dont know really.

It feels a bit off to me too. I’d make other, solo plans.

When did you send the time confirmation? If today, they could be at work. It’s easy to glance at a message, but not have time to respond.

Maybe send one more message asking first confirmation that you are still meeting up at x time etc. (or ring them?)

So they did respond! A thumbs up to the time and location is fine. It sounds like they just don’t spend a lot of time on their phone or don’t like messaging. You are sounding a bit needy tbh OP

I think she has already agreed to the time and place with the thumbs up. However given your last update I agree she doesn’t sound that keen to communicate with you. Why do you think she asked “no other plans then?” Is she under the impression you are only going to her when you have no other option?

Omg you’re joking

she HAS responded

just not to a standard that you think is acceptable

no wonder you struggle to make friends. And they way you’re going - you’ll lose this one if you’re not careful

It sounds as though they'd rather do something more interesting but as that's what you suggested, they'll go along with it.

Is this your only friend? Because if not, I'm not sure why you'd keep instigating if you feel they're not really into the friendship?

Thumbs up is an acknowledgment/agreement.

If you're still unsure drop a brief message 'Still on for today?' kind of thing. And take it from there.

If someone's suggested a walk to me, I would possibly respond the same way because no grand declarations or gestures are needed. Thumbs up would agree its suitable for me and I'll see you then.

Don't spend too much time overthinking it.

Does she enjoy walking with others? Even if she didn't she had agreed with the thumbs up so i think you are making to o much of it?

She gave you a thumbs up. It's all sorted. Not everyone likes lots of chit chat by text, they just want to fix the plans in the most efficient way. One of my closest friends is always very minimal with her messaging, but I love spending time with her in person and we chat away very easily. If she's also cool with you in person or regularly fails to show up at all for arranged plans then that is different. But the messages by themselves don't have to be a problem.

Which would be no loss.