To cancel a day out over breezy attitude?

[MaybeOverthinkerNightmare]

Not sure if im being unreasonable here or expecting a little too much as I struggle to make friends and feel a bit disheartened with this situation.

I'm off work this week and have some childfree time to myself. I asked a friend if they fancied doing something like go fo a walk. They took a while to respond but eventually with a backhanded comment "sure a walk tomorrow then, what time?", I responded with a time and meeting place which was read and nothing further. We are due to meet tomorrow and haven't heard anything more from them since then.

A similar thing happened a few weeks ago when i invited them to lunch, had a great time (i paid) and went for an hour walk afterwards. Then I got ghosted or semi causal/vague responses to messages after that. I feel a bit disheartened that i get a sense they are just not interested and trying to placate me.

This has taken a lot of effort for me to put myself out there and make friends, instigating more rather than being led. I guess thinking a little enthusiasm or reciprocation would be nice but am I expecting too much? Is this actually how friendships are? Should I cancel and just move on from this situation?

I wouldn’t want a friend who can only be bothered to use an emoji, although thinking about it, I’ve never met anyone who does that.

If lunch was only a few weeks ago, I wouldn't have expected many messages in between, nor much in response to arranging to meet up again - a quick breezy message is fine. Adults with young children are very busy. Why did you pay for the lunch? More usual to split it?

It adds nine words, clarifies the time and conveys enthusiasm.

Yes, it’s considered passive aggressive.

I’m not so good with my mobile, it’s switched off half the time so if I had thumbs up I’d read it agreed and I will be there. But it sounds like it’s all arranged so I hoe you have a nice time.

What about the “ No other plans?” question that the friend asked.

Why does the time need clarifying when the OP has given the time in the orevious message. Would look odd to me. But then someone putting a thumbs up, or a grin, also conveys enthusiasm to me - I mean, not massive excitement, but it’s a walk, how much enthusiasm do you expect?

Yes, a wide group of friends, not looking for any more particularly.

You’re entitled to your opinion.

"The first response was "no other plans then?" "

Thats a weird response in itself, what do they mean by that, could that be why they feel off? does she think you only ask to meet up when your at a loose end?

Obviously you know this person better then me but my first thoughts here are that they just aren't a long message person.

If she didn’t want to go she had a very easy out. She could have said ‘no sorry I’m busy’.
She clearly wants to see you but like me uses the phone to make arrangements only. I hate the pointless chit chat on text. My heart sinks at a ‘hello how are you’ messsge.
this is a perfectly normal interaction. Stop preemptively sabotaging it as a defence mechanism.

It would, and I'm not much of an emoji user myself, but the OP's friend has no idea she's being 'tested' for enthusiasm for the walk, and it's not an unusual or discourteous way to reply, especially if the person replying is busy -- I also see regular threads on here complaining about people not replying to their texts for hours or days.

Sometimes, those are your choices; an immediate thumbs up so that you know an arrangement is going ahead, or the person thinking 'It would be rude to just send a thumbs up -- I'll reply properly later' and then maybe forgetting altogether, or at least leaving you hanging for hours when you don't know if you have an arrangement or not.

Poor darlings. (But sod that, it’s was a handy, totally unfreighted little emoji long before they decided to wibble on about things)

Sounds like she's just not into chatty messaging. She has confirmed the time and place to meet. Some people would message every day but still cancel last minute and that's worse. Have a nice walk and chat tomorrow. Maybe agree at the beginning how long you're walking for so you have the same expectations? Maybe you'll go for coffee afterwards but don't fret if not.

I strongly relate to what you’re feeling.

I’ve found it helpful to accept that I don’t always read people right and can’t know whether they’re interested in being my friend or not. So I’m just going to be friendly anyway. It’s fine if they don’t want to hang out with me, they just have to say that, but if someone is rude to me that’s about them not about me. I’m going to suggest doing things I want to do and invite people and if they turn up that’s great and if they don’t that’s fine too. So far that’s worked well for 1 to 1 arrangements but I’m still super anxious about trying to arrange anything with a group because I with that maybe just one will turn up and it’s embarrassing.

You’ve suggested an activity and she’s agreed. The weird vibe is her problem. She can either explain and resolve things or not, in the absence of clearer communication you just keep being friendly and assume that her yes means yes. If you stop enjoying her company because of the weird vibe either ask directly or stop arranging to meet up. In any case it’s not because you’ve done anything wrong. And it’s not a waste of time to be friendly to someone even if it doesn’t result in a great friendship going forward — you are putting good things out into the world, it’s not your responsibility how that’s received.

I am honestly not sure what the "no other plans" comment was about. My life consists of looking after my child, going to work and sorting out house stuff. It is very rare I have plans that I dont make for myself that involves just myself (or my DC), so theres not been a time where I have ditched or openly discussed weighing up plans to my friend to cause any offence. Nor have i discussed how alone and lacking in other plans i generally am. I did quietly take it as a dig but on reflection maybe they were asking if there was no other plans to suggest except the walk.

From the responses it does seem I probably expect too much in form of checking in with eachother, casual chit chat or a more readable response of interest. I think I need to work on my ability to be casual and be more surface level.

You could have sent “great, see you then”.

I frequently thumbs up to confirm a plan

Another one here who doesn't see anything wrong at all with a thumbs up as a reply to a date and time . That is an acknowledgement and confirmation.

That's how most of my exchanges with friends would go, and wouldn't think it odd or rude.

There's nothing at all wrong with her communication style.

If you don't enjoy spending time with her that's a different issue. But don't start off thinking negative for no reason

Reading far too much into it. If your friend ansered - sure tomorrow what time? and you answered with a time & meeting place, then I'd assume she was OK with that & I'd see her tomorrow.

I have a friend who is like you. I set up something, we agree on a day/time/place, then I put it in my diary & get on with life. If she doesn't her from me sometime in the intervening days to confirm, reconfirm & reconfirm again, she cancels on me saying I wasn't coming.

It's infuriating!!! I can't tell you how annoying it is.

Very observant, haha! 😘