Kids birthday party aibu

[DippyDo3]

I organised a party for my child a while back. My childs school is a small class with a mix of children. I asked my child who they wanted to invite, they also attend out of school activities and have friends from these activities. Numbers for the party were limited and the party involved a coach for 2 hours for a particular sport. My child picked 10 out of 14 children from school and some from different classes as they play with their older siblings friends too and some children from the out of school activites. Invites were sent to parents individually. Ive since found out that one of the mums of a child in the school class who wasn’t invited has made a social media post on her work page stating her child was the only child left out of a party and she is devastated that an adult would be so cruel. Her child has SEN and hurts not only my child but other children in the class and uses foul language to call them names. My children are taught to be kind to all children especially children that may be struggling or need extra support. However it was my child's decision who they wanted to invite based on who they are friends with as they couldn't pick everyone. I appreciate it is never nice to learn your child hasn’t been invited but this particular child wasn't singled out as the only child there was others in the class my child chose not to invite based on their friendships. Its always awkward when numbers are limited. Had it been at soft play with high numbers everyone would have been invited but my child wanted this particular party.
Seeing the social media post has shocked me as to comments on there are pretty vile given the facts of the story were false, im wondering AIBU or has the mother been upset and used her anger and her child with SEN for attention and social media likes.

Be kind to ALL children. It’s not hard for the majority of people to do.

I dont read it as 10 out of 14. She invited 10 children from the school not the class as she says some were older siblings who played the same sport were invited. Its not clear though so I could be wrong.

I think it's pretty clear from the wording that the OP means 10 out of 14 party spots went to children from school including some from other classes.

Exactly this

The only rule is that you invite who you want to your own party.

We force our kids go to school
we force them to do their homework and their chores
we force them to get on with everybody
to be "kind" at school even when they dislike someone
we force them to get on with everybody at clubs and be inclusive in sport

The heck would I ruin their one birthday party by insisting they invite someone they don't like, or worst that bullies them!

What kind of twisted nonsense is that.
I feel so sorry for the kids with entitled parents who are making a drama when they don't get an invitation, instead of teaching them that's it's a non issue.

To invite four out of fourteen is reasonable. To invite ten out of fourteen is pretty mean. Saying, "But space was limited and he has other friends he wanted to invite" just means. "Sorry, you and a couple of others didn't make the cut - but most of your class is going!"

I'm afraid you aren't teaching your child to be genuinely thoughtful of others.

She’s wrong to blast it on social media. But as a mum of a SEN child if I heard he was one of 4 that got excluded I’d feel (privately) upset about it.

There was a similar party when my dd was in school- and I think around 4 were left out. Birthdays are mega important to young children and I know the birthday girl held currency in class with ‘you are coming’ ‘you are not coming’ to children. Generally she was a kind girl and I doubt her mum ever got wind of what she was saying. Leaving 4 out is against the social etiquette rules for primary that I understood- though actually my Sen child was quite chilled about it- other children were gutted. I don’t agree with the social media posting- but also, that mum may well think that her child was the only one. My Sen daughter was never reliable relaying that sort of info

Some kids are never on anybody's list. Unless they are bullies or dangerous to be around, I think we have to duty to try to make that better for them

You are a sensible parent and would be great on loads of the threads where the OPs get themselves in a fury based on something their reception aged child said another child said to them!

I think inviting 10 out of 14 was quite sad. The people not invited are going to feel left out and the mother was obviously upset by it

my kid had that once and it was as rally sad.

You can’t win op tbh.

I sent out invites 2 weeks ago for a whole class party and haven’t heard back from half the class of 30.

Don’t feel bad that you didn’t do a whole class party.

That's different to deliberately not inviting a small number

10 out of 14 is appalling! Utterly appalling.

Well tbh if DC wants a party again I would invite who he wants regardless of how many are left out. I would do that on the basis of my current experience where half of them completely ignore the invitation.

10 out of the whole school, fine. 10 our of a class of 14, not ok.

To everyone who thinks the OP is unreasonable...

Would you bump 4 of your friends from your own birthday/wedding /whatever guestlist to include 4 people you didn't like, one of whom swore at and physically assaulted you and your friends?

Can you honestly answer "yes" to that?
Why do children's feelings matter less than an adults in this scenario?

How is 10 from different classes appalling?

Totally agree with this.
We have always done full class invites, unless there is a genuine, justifiable reason. Or we would just do couple/a few of very best friends.
I think we need to teach our children that you don’t have to invite a child who hurts you or is unkind but that where possible, you are inclusive.

I am guessing that the "outraged" posters are the same ones who complain about being left out from hideous "cliques" at the school gates (translate people exchanging 2 sentences on their way to work 😂)

and enjoy creating drama. What is it with Primary Schools that make people acting so strangely?

Kids already have to include everybody at playtime and for everything, good grief, let them enjoy 1 party with their friends. Who cares how many friends they invite from where? Their choice.

My children also have small classes and are told by me to invite everyone or the party doesn’t happen. Up to them.

10 out of 14 is the vast majority. If the SEN asked a handful of children if they were going, chances are they will have said yes so you can see why she thinks he’s the only one.

If I read the OP right she didn't invite 10 from the same class.

How would you feel if you child was one of only 4 not to be invited to a party?

I assume with it being early in the school year you're pretty sure you're the only one who's had a party so it's definitely about you?

I think 10 out of 14 is a bit dodgy if the kids are quite young, but becomes less of an issue as they get older.

At the same time, though, I don't really care how old a child who hurts my child is - they aren't getting invited to my child's birthday party (regardless of the reason for the hurting), even if that means they are the only child not invited.

I don't think YABU for the party. I do think YABU framing the mother's post as using "her anger and her child with SEN for attention and social media likes" though. Parenting a child that hurts other children is lonely and hard, she may be unaware her DC wasn't the only one left out (and it may well have happened a fair bit previously, so it her expectation is that her DC is the only one). SM rants like that are more about looking for sympathetic connection than attention.

I think this is interesting. A couple of people have said something along the lines of 'how would you feel if you found out you were one of only four people at work not invited for lunch?', but I wonder if those people would feel obligated to invite to lunch a colleague who had previously been physically or verbally aggressive towards them?