Kids birthday party aibu

[DippyDo3]

I organised a party for my child a while back. My childs school is a small class with a mix of children. I asked my child who they wanted to invite, they also attend out of school activities and have friends from these activities. Numbers for the party were limited and the party involved a coach for 2 hours for a particular sport. My child picked 10 out of 14 children from school and some from different classes as they play with their older siblings friends too and some children from the out of school activites. Invites were sent to parents individually. Ive since found out that one of the mums of a child in the school class who wasn’t invited has made a social media post on her work page stating her child was the only child left out of a party and she is devastated that an adult would be so cruel. Her child has SEN and hurts not only my child but other children in the class and uses foul language to call them names. My children are taught to be kind to all children especially children that may be struggling or need extra support. However it was my child's decision who they wanted to invite based on who they are friends with as they couldn't pick everyone. I appreciate it is never nice to learn your child hasn’t been invited but this particular child wasn't singled out as the only child there was others in the class my child chose not to invite based on their friendships. Its always awkward when numbers are limited. Had it been at soft play with high numbers everyone would have been invited but my child wanted this particular party.
Seeing the social media post has shocked me as to comments on there are pretty vile given the facts of the story were false, im wondering AIBU or has the mother been upset and used her anger and her child with SEN for attention and social media likes.

I'm with you.
It's the kids party, the choose who comes. To be honest, if your child doesn't want someone there, they probably don't want to come. They obviously aren't friends.

Honestly you can invite who your child wants. If you are limited on numbers that is unfortunate but it is what it is. You didn't go out of your way to exclude the 1 child on purpose (although well within your rights if that child is constantly hurting your child - sen or not). Others were also not invited.

The other mum just comes across as unreasonable. Who makes a post about it on social media linked to their business. Very unprofessional.

We have plenty of parties were my children do and don't make the cut. I rarely care bar the one who accused my child of bullying theirs.....turns out if was the other way around. My opinion is the birthday child can invite who they please. People can only afford to have a certain number and why should a child miss out on a party because they can't afford to invite everyone.

Telling of what? That the OP doesn’t think SEN is a valid reason for her child to be subjected to violence?

I think this is what it comes down to.

This is exactly why allowing one's boundaries to be trampled on, or standards altered, solely for the sake of some narrow and arbitrary measure of inclusion, doesn't actually make anything better. It just kicks the need to draw the boundary down the road, makes those conceding their boundaries feel resentful in the meantime, and fails to give the one being "included" anything authentic, which can lead to worse problems down the road.

I am glad it worked out that way for you, and good for you for giving it a shot. But surely you're not suggesting that creates some kind of generalised rule or policy? In this case, the OP and her child didn't want to do that, and their own boundary is sufficient in itself real of the hurt that might be felt by another child. People are allowed to have boundaries, and this is good.

A dick move???? Hahahah you’re a dick mate. She can invite who tf she wants. If you think it’s a dick move, that’s your problem.

So instead of 4 out of 14 classmates being "excluded", you still don't invite those 4 but also don't invite, say, 3 out of his 9 friends in the class? Because those 3 being his friends, seeing his 6 other friends from the class go, hearing about it from these kids they spend their time playing with, they won't feel left out at all.

Really? I have seen multiple threads where it is the excluded mum posting and the consensus is whole class or small number...not that I necessarily agree but I think your generalisation of opinions, as always here, depends on what side has posted

With just 4 kids missing out, it's a bit mean, truth be told. It's one thing if you are only taking a handful of best/ closest mates but if you're inviting the majority, you've got to invite everyone.