Woman in underwear in own home

[Alee36]

I'm raging and need to know if I'm blowing this out of proportion.We live in a first floor maisonette, house conversion. We moved in a month and a bit ago and (granted) for two weeks we were without curtains or blinds. Our living room window is at the front of the house and we have a large bay, so the main section of the living area is quite set back from the window.

I have returned from a rare evening out to my husband relaying a conversation he had with the next door neighbour, who knocked on the door. For context we have not met this neighbour yet. Apparently the neighbour said they are having their guttering done at some point next week, and that they will do ours at the same time (lovely,thanks). He then went on to say that last time his contractor was here, he 'saw your partner walking around in her underwear'. This has really bothered me, and more so because my husband said he doesn't see the big deal. My feelings are these:

1. It was a heatwave
2. I was in my own home
3. It would have been huge granny pants akin to shorts and a vest or crop top- you'd see more scantily clad people in the park or at the beach
4. I wouldn't have been parading in front of the fucking window, but rather just living my life and walking through
5. My husband frequently walked around in his pants in the heatwave, unsurprisingly this wasn't mentioned
6. Call me old fashioned, but a gentleman would avert his gaze and crack on with his job?

Overall, why on earth has a contractor passed on this information to our neighbour and why has my neighbour thought it appropriate to then tell my husband? Isn't that weird? That me in my underwear at home is being discussed in a chain of men. Like wtf? If he was trying to be helpful he could have had some tact, and said oh by the way we can see in your windows or something along those lines. I just find it bizzare and inappropriate, and actually quite sexist. Woman in underwear in own home- alert the press. In other news, bikinis allowed on beaches and forks found in kitchen.

Also they are doing the guttering at 'some point next week', so am I to hide out all next week lest I offend with my pjs or whatever I want to wear in my own fucking home?!

AIBU?

I think yabu, it was probably just a throwaway comment from a slightly awkward neighbour

Well you know what to do. Next week you will ready with giant pants which say fuck off you perv on the ass.

Thst is ridiculous, especially as it was a heatwave but even if it wasn’t, it doesn’t sound like you were exactly naked and again, your house!!

I feel like if you were that awkward the last thing you'd do would mention it to be honest.

If I lived on the first floor it wouldn't occur to me that people might see through my windows. That's the same as being in a bedroom usually.

I dunno i just picture an older person babbling

Its not like you did anything wrong, youre at home - I just wouldnt be angry about the comment 🤷‍♀️

I’d be getting one of those borat thong swimsuit things

Agree and ill walk around in my bra because bralettes and crop tops and bikini tops are acceptable wear socially outside. Men will walk-around in boxers so why shouldn't we wear underwear if bits are covered. I wouldn't go braless without a top but I wouldn't judge anyone who did

😂😂😂😂 might knock on his door in it, as a treat

He’d called round about the gutters not this. You can do what you like, but I’d be amused by someone walking around in front of windows in their underwear, male or female, and might well gossip about it to neighbours.

It doesn’t have to be sexist or pervy or pearl-clutchy - just commenting on something that most people don’t do and is a bit ‘Carry On Matron’.

Just carry a large feather fan around with you so you can instantly cover up and gaze suggestively over the top of it

Id stick huge granny pants on and just stare out of your windows - in fact press your nose against the window too!

I get ready in my bra and pants - I will also add that I’m a runner, fairly body comfortable and regularly tend to wear short shorts and crop tops a lot of the time at home anyway - and once went to open our bedroom window at the rear of our house when it was literally heatwave weather.

Neighbour who overlooks back was getting in her car at the same time - similar age to me mid 40s - and was absolutely aghast and literally stopped open mouthed seemingly unable to get into her car without expressing her outrage with her facial expressions, and staring at me like it was the most shocking event on earth - I was tempted to wave at her. Why she felt the need to stare is beyond me - a woman doing that to another woman just feels wrong

If she had been wearing pearls, I have no doubt she would have clutched them!

It’s my house - if I want to get ready in my underwear then provided I’m not parading myself around deliberately at the windows, I will absolutely do what I like

The man has made a statement of fact. The contractor said he saw you in your underwear. Unless you're missing stuff from your op he hasn't added any judgment or opinion on that. I'd imagine he's saying it purely to inform you and you can make of it what you will.

The contractor was unreasonable saying it to the neighbour. I don't think the neighbour is unreasonable saying it to your dh- I'm assuming he thinks it would be less awkward to you and him not to have that conversation.

Nothing missing from my OP, perhaps tone or intenion missing in my husband's retelling of the conversation but its irrelevant really.

Why would I need informing is my point, and I'm not disputing it's a fact, but rather why is it a fact worth mentioning? A contractor saw me in my underwear. Okay, and? Why on earth are you telling my husband this weeks later, and who gives a shit. I think its odd. If he was trying to be helpful he could have said 'just a heads up, contractors will be here next week in case you might feel overlooked, not 'contractor said your partner was walking around in her underwear'.

You opened a window in shorts and a top?!! Have some self respect you absolute hussey! Scandalous behaviour 😂😂😂

Did anyone say they were offended, information was passed to you now your'e having a tantrum over it? Why?

Why is the contractor passing this information onto the neighbours? It’s really nothing to be mentioned, like you say, avert your eyes and get on with the job. The neighbour is probably just mentioning it because she worries you might not want to contractor to see you, particularly given he’s made the point of then telling her. Whatever the case, continue to do what you like in your own home. As someone else said, we’d never make the same kind of issue about a man walking around in boxer shorts!

Some people would rather not been seen by strangers in their underwear. I would assume it was mentioned in case you hadn’t realised people could see you and might be bothered if you’d known they had. He doesn’t know you don’t care.

You mention that you weren’t right in the window which suggests you had at least thought about how visible you might be to others.

At least now you’re aware and can decide if you’re bothered or not. Maybe thought he was doing you a favour letting you know, don’t shoot the messenger!

I get the ‘in my own home’ thing and walk about in pants myself sometimes but if there was someone cleaning the windows/ guttering and could see in I’d put something on as they can’t help but see in and I’d rather not be seen in my pants by some random guy. Outside at the beach or pool or whatever is different as you’re in public.

You’re obviously not doing anything wrong so crack on as you see fit.

The man passed on information you might want to know. You were viewed in attire you would not normally wear in public.

There is an expectation of privacy within the walls of our home. The implication is not that you did something wrong. The issue is that you do not have all the information and might choose to make other decisions.

If you don’t want to be viewed in that state, you need to acquire curtains. If you don’t care, you can ignore this information.

It didn’t sound like he was objecting to or commenting on your walking around in your underwear. It sounds like he was giving you a heads up that the contractor can see through your window and you were in your underwear so something to be aware of for next time. I wouldn’t like anyone to see me in my underwear, regardless of how hot it is, and would feel mortified that a contractor was coming, I wasn’t warned and they subsequently saw me in my underwear.

I really can’t see what he has done wrong by letting your DH know.

I would also assume it was heads up so that if you were upset by the idea you could avoid it. There was probably some judgement involved in the sense that the neighbour assumed you'd be a bit mortified to be seen in just your underwear by someone other than DH, but not much more than that. And that's not an entirely unreasonable assumption in our culture.

yes you were in your own home but working on the gutters does mean being close up to the windows.
on some level maybe the contractor felt uncomfortable and concerned about possible claims of peeping/voyeurism.
i would take this conversation as a heads up to please dress appropriately for a workman to me working at the window.

I expect most roofing contractors have seen it all

It was obviously a heads up OP.

Won’t you be paying for your half of the guttering job?

YABU. He's likely just mentioning it because he thinks you aren't aware that you're visible, and might be embarrassed to know people can see you? A polite heads up, as a pp said. Probably the contractor felt awkward and didn't want to be accused of perving.

If you're not bothered at being seen, and think it's no big deal, then why are you so angry he mentioned it?