Woman in underwear in own home

[Alee36]

I'm raging and need to know if I'm blowing this out of proportion.We live in a first floor maisonette, house conversion. We moved in a month and a bit ago and (granted) for two weeks we were without curtains or blinds. Our living room window is at the front of the house and we have a large bay, so the main section of the living area is quite set back from the window.

I have returned from a rare evening out to my husband relaying a conversation he had with the next door neighbour, who knocked on the door. For context we have not met this neighbour yet. Apparently the neighbour said they are having their guttering done at some point next week, and that they will do ours at the same time (lovely,thanks). He then went on to say that last time his contractor was here, he 'saw your partner walking around in her underwear'. This has really bothered me, and more so because my husband said he doesn't see the big deal. My feelings are these:

1. It was a heatwave
2. I was in my own home
3. It would have been huge granny pants akin to shorts and a vest or crop top- you'd see more scantily clad people in the park or at the beach
4. I wouldn't have been parading in front of the fucking window, but rather just living my life and walking through
5. My husband frequently walked around in his pants in the heatwave, unsurprisingly this wasn't mentioned
6. Call me old fashioned, but a gentleman would avert his gaze and crack on with his job?

Overall, why on earth has a contractor passed on this information to our neighbour and why has my neighbour thought it appropriate to then tell my husband? Isn't that weird? That me in my underwear at home is being discussed in a chain of men. Like wtf? If he was trying to be helpful he could have had some tact, and said oh by the way we can see in your windows or something along those lines. I just find it bizzare and inappropriate, and actually quite sexist. Woman in underwear in own home- alert the press. In other news, bikinis allowed on beaches and forks found in kitchen.

Also they are doing the guttering at 'some point next week', so am I to hide out all next week lest I offend with my pjs or whatever I want to wear in my own fucking home?!

AIBU?

That's quite odd. I would decline the contractor and tell the neighbour it's pervy to look at people in their homes in their undies and comment on it. If you happen to see such things you avert your eyes. Not because someone's in a bra, but just because if you are a contractor (or anyone outside of the house) you shouldn't be looking into people's windows.

I've a male neighbour and I've accidentally seen him nude a couple times. The windows across the road are just blatantly facing the other side as it's old style. It's obvious he's simply travelling from bathroom to bedroom to dress, and he's certainly not trying to expose himself. I'd never dream of saying anything. I just look away.

I think I must be odd, because I wouldn’t walk around in my undies in a house without blinds or nets if, having stood at my windows I can clearly see my neighbours and therefore deduce that they can see into my home. I don’t assume I have privacy unless I am the only property for miles.

That will be why I have blinds, though, so that they can be angled for privacy and still let daylight in.

I think that's a bit different, tbh! 😁

Person walking around their house in their underwear not realising they could be seen through a first floor window is a bit different to knowingly walking around your garden in the nude.

We have two women living next door who sunbathe in their garden in bikinis in the summer - not noteworthy.

If the chap on the other side started mowing his lawn in the nude, you can bet my partner or I would be saying, "You'll never guess what I saw today!"

Well, you'd try to find a way to mention it politely, which this comment isn't really. Another poster nailed it with 'btw we can see into your windows' which would alert you. But walking around in your underwear by windows where you can be seen is a bit bizarre - though I doubtless am older than you and thus have what you might consider outdated views on what is appropriate to wear in a room which is open to public gaze (and I used to play strip whist with my late DH). What's wrong with a kaftan - my choice in hot weather? I would find it bizarre to walk about in the house in effectively knickers and a bra top. What if I had to answer the door or my DS or DSS turned up (they have keys)?

Yes, there's quite few huge leaps being done here, just to get at men.

this.

I totally agree with this. The neighbour was clumsily giving @Alee36 a heads up that, at some point, she might find herself eye to eye with a gutter cleaning man right outside her window. If she would be uncomfortable with them seeing her up close in her underwear, she now knows that it might happen and can try to avoid it if she wants to. I don't think the neighbour needed to actually mention underwear at all but I genuinely think they thought they were being thoughtful.

I see it as a 'heads up' that you can be seen, incase you thought you couldn't and would have an issue with being seen.

Not 'cover up woman, even in your own home'.

I think you've pulled up your feminist pants too high on this one.

But crack on and enjoy the indignation.

You are entitled to do whatever you like and wear whatever you like in your home. And you're absolutely right they'd have said nothing about men in pants.

Tell them to fuck off OP.

I think he was just informing you that you could be seen so that you could cover up this time.

Like others I don't understand why you would walk around in your pants with no blinds or curtains up. People can see into your windows so maybe wear something.

I'd never walk about the house in underwear, curtains or no curtains, it would feel odd to me. I wear a dressing gown or a beach type dress if it's hot. I'm 60 though, I think times have changed.

The only relevance the men in pants argument brings is that women wouldn't be excited at the sight of a bloke in his undies. It wouldn't even become a conversation other than a pisstake with friends. Women are more likely to be ogled, which could be the contractor's whole point.

Agreed. We have big bay windows in our bedroom and a guy who used to live opposite used to walk around naked.

I’ve no doubt he had no idea we could see him as, despite the size of the windows, the road is quite wide and tree-lined.

He was just getting dressed in his own home, why on earth would I tell him?

Because he might be unaware that he's visible and subsequently mortified?

Well yeah that's definitely true. No doubt whatsoever contractor was perving. Then telling the other guy. Why? Presumably so he could also try and catch a peek.

Ah you must not know how glass works in that case!

But why mortified if you just act appropriate which is to ignore whatever you see in your neighbours windows. It's private. He'd never know he was seen.

Some women would not want neighbours and people on the street to see them in their underwear so perhaps it's more about politely passing on the info that you can be seen rather than any weird misogynistic conspiracy. It's no different from people who are unaware that their bathroom glass is actually see through and that everyone can see them in the shower. The fact that you are bothered by men seeing you and talking about you suggests that you actually do care about being seen in your underwear by strangers. Otherwise who cares what other people say?

I mean, it's normal human behaviour to notice what's going on around you - I'd certainly notice if my neighbours were wondering around in the nude 😂

If people want privacy, they should shut their curtains. Otherwise, people will notice and comment. If I thought my neighbour didn't realise they could be seen, I'd find a way to let them know.

Exactly.

I'd suspect a sizeable majority of people don't want all and sundry to be able to see them in their underpants, so would appreciate a subtle heads up.

I rather think the comment was made, so you'd both know that it's possible for others to see you through the window. I certainly don't think it was said in a nasty or sexist way. Of course, you can walk around in your underwear in your own home or naked if you like, but were you aware you could be seen? My guess is, no, you didn't know anyone could see you.

The contractor saw you, and I'm sure carried on with his job but he mentioned the fact you can be seen. Your neighbour may not have articulated it properly but was letting you know that it's possible you can be seen. If you don't give two shits if anyone can see you or not, then crack on walking around in your underwear. No one usually sits waiting to see if their neighbour is going to walk around in their undies, you were clearly seen accidently.

Im well aware how glass works. But unless the neighbors opposite are trying really hard then I don't expect there to be people at window height to see upstairs. Therefore I would assume I can be in my bedroom (first floor maisonette) in my underwear and not be seen.

If I was downstairs with no curtains up i would assume passers-by could see me.

I mean id rather know. Like id like to know if I had a bogey hanging out my nose.

Yeah you're not wrong. I mean I just wouldn't comment. As a contractor, a male, to comment to another male about a random woman isn't really appropriate. But it's true that if there's nothing covering the window you could be seen.

I think in this scenario it would be more inappropriate not to say anything - giving someone a heads up that they can be seen in their pants by next doors' builders is just the decent thing to do.

it's obvious if you have no blind or curtain, people will see you.

if it bothers you that much, put some clothes on.
If you don't care that people see you in your granny pants, why the thread?

I never understand people who don't want privacy anything on their windows street side (blinds or anything), and complaint that randoms are looking. Of course they are looking, why wouldn't they.