Woman in underwear in own home

[Alee36]

I'm raging and need to know if I'm blowing this out of proportion.We live in a first floor maisonette, house conversion. We moved in a month and a bit ago and (granted) for two weeks we were without curtains or blinds. Our living room window is at the front of the house and we have a large bay, so the main section of the living area is quite set back from the window.

I have returned from a rare evening out to my husband relaying a conversation he had with the next door neighbour, who knocked on the door. For context we have not met this neighbour yet. Apparently the neighbour said they are having their guttering done at some point next week, and that they will do ours at the same time (lovely,thanks). He then went on to say that last time his contractor was here, he 'saw your partner walking around in her underwear'. This has really bothered me, and more so because my husband said he doesn't see the big deal. My feelings are these:

1. It was a heatwave
2. I was in my own home
3. It would have been huge granny pants akin to shorts and a vest or crop top- you'd see more scantily clad people in the park or at the beach
4. I wouldn't have been parading in front of the fucking window, but rather just living my life and walking through
5. My husband frequently walked around in his pants in the heatwave, unsurprisingly this wasn't mentioned
6. Call me old fashioned, but a gentleman would avert his gaze and crack on with his job?

Overall, why on earth has a contractor passed on this information to our neighbour and why has my neighbour thought it appropriate to then tell my husband? Isn't that weird? That me in my underwear at home is being discussed in a chain of men. Like wtf? If he was trying to be helpful he could have had some tact, and said oh by the way we can see in your windows or something along those lines. I just find it bizzare and inappropriate, and actually quite sexist. Woman in underwear in own home- alert the press. In other news, bikinis allowed on beaches and forks found in kitchen.

Also they are doing the guttering at 'some point next week', so am I to hide out all next week lest I offend with my pjs or whatever I want to wear in my own fucking home?!

AIBU?

Take a look at other things going on in the world and it might not be such an issue. It was a throwaway comment.

I would be appreciative if someone let me know if, unknown to me, I could be seen from the outside in my underwear. (Like I'm grateful if a random passer by tells me my skirt is tucked up in my knickers)

the contractor can see through your window

Who'd have thought it?

I don't think you are being unreasonable @Alee36. The contractor didn't need to, and bloody well shouldn't, have said anything at all to the neighbour.

Roofers, gutter and window cleaners have seen plenty of people in their underwear and more (or less!). They don't go telling the neighbours.
Had a window cleaner "interrupt" us - just heard a noise and there he was a couple of seconds later. We didn't have a window cleaner so he certainly wasn't expected. He just did his job and was gone in 30 seconds.

He was giving you a heads up that somebody will be in an area where they can see inside your window. Since you now have window coverings who cares.

This.

I don't think he was trying to make you feel embarrassed or anything op.
Just treat it as a bikini or get curtains, its not worth bad feeling surely?

I think that most women would not want to be seen walking round their house in their underwear.
The inadvertent viewer might feel embarrassed.
Not sure why you think you wouldn’t be seen if you had not curtains up.

Ignore

Nice ageism there!

Just a heads up really isn't it?
He's giving you warning that the contractor will be able to see in and not to be naked.

It would be much worse to be surprised by a plumber at the window while in the nud.

I remember watching a programme at school
about how one should shut their curtains at night/when getting changed as stalkers can see it as performance. Maybe he was just giving you the heads up. One of my neighbours used to walk around naked & I assumed he didn’t realise I could see because one day our eyes met & I never saw him naked again 😆

You have curtains or blinds now? I’d be kind of weirded by the guy’s comment to your neighbour. But I think your neighbour just told your husband so he could let you know that, until you could get window treatments, you should be aware how easy it was to see you, and consider whether you’d what to adjust your wardrobe or not.

I don’t think he complained or said he didn’t like it, but is letting you know incase you didn’t realise you could be seen.
you now know you can be seen, so up to you to decide what to do with it

Id appreciate being told that a random man could see me into my home if I didn't realise. There were more tactful ways of delivering the information "Oh BTW, when he's working he can see right into yours" would have done.
But I think you're making a few assumptions here that paint this in the worst possible light.
That the guy was leering.
That he discussed you with your neighbour (rather than both men simply noticing).
That he deliberately told your husband so he could tell you off (rather than just because it was him he was talking to).
That they were telling you you couldn't wear what you liked (rather than telling you you could be seen).
Your assumptions could be correct, but there's enough doubt not to go round 'raging'.
You now know the guy can see in. Entirely up to you what you do with that information.

Of course he’s being sexist. I bet you anything he wouldn’t tell your husband he could see him in his underwear because he would think it’s fine for men to go round in their pants but he’s pearl clutching about a woman doing the same.

I go round in my underwear in my own house when it’s boiling hot. Like you it’s not a thong and a few bits of string, as I wear shorts style knickers and a sports bra. I would be raging too if a neighbour told my husband about it as if I was too dim to work out I could theoretically be seen. I’d be peed off partly because it’s none of their business and if a woman was talking about this kind of non-news she’d be called a gossip and a curtain twitcher; partly because it feels like they think they need to bring you in line to show some decorum; and partly because you’re an adult and don’t need to be given the heads up about the correct clothing to wear in your own house.

There is a block of flats opposite my office and we do see people in their underwear or completely naked very often. We do puzzle over whether people are exhibitionists or genuinely unaware. They must be able to see into our office very clearly so surely they realise that we can see them.

many years ago I worked in a pub . My neighbour opposite told my boss that I walked around in my bedroom in my underwear. I probably did while I was getting ready but I never stood in the window as it was a large bay!

I don’t understand the strength of your reaction.

It's just a heads up, to ensure you are aware you might be seen.
I'd wager most women would prefer that workmen did not see them in their knickers.
The workman might have asked the neighbour to warn you, and to avoid being accused of something, rather than gossiping.
You are being ridiculously unreasonable.

Letting you know the neighbour has a contractor who is a perv. Maybe not the best way but better you know than not.

That is very sad of them. Probably the most exciting thing to happen to them for ages. I’d watch out for “helpful” neighbours if I were you. IME they can be quite invasive.

I would set a boundary with the neighbour (even say I’d rather their guttering guy doesn’t do ours) and tell your DH to too. None of their business what you do in your own house.

When was the last you felt the need to mention your neighbour’s underwear when you spoke to them?

Who are all these Peeping Tom supporters who voted YABU?