Woman in underwear in own home

[Alee36]

I'm raging and need to know if I'm blowing this out of proportion.We live in a first floor maisonette, house conversion. We moved in a month and a bit ago and (granted) for two weeks we were without curtains or blinds. Our living room window is at the front of the house and we have a large bay, so the main section of the living area is quite set back from the window.

I have returned from a rare evening out to my husband relaying a conversation he had with the next door neighbour, who knocked on the door. For context we have not met this neighbour yet. Apparently the neighbour said they are having their guttering done at some point next week, and that they will do ours at the same time (lovely,thanks). He then went on to say that last time his contractor was here, he 'saw your partner walking around in her underwear'. This has really bothered me, and more so because my husband said he doesn't see the big deal. My feelings are these:

1. It was a heatwave
2. I was in my own home
3. It would have been huge granny pants akin to shorts and a vest or crop top- you'd see more scantily clad people in the park or at the beach
4. I wouldn't have been parading in front of the fucking window, but rather just living my life and walking through
5. My husband frequently walked around in his pants in the heatwave, unsurprisingly this wasn't mentioned
6. Call me old fashioned, but a gentleman would avert his gaze and crack on with his job?

Overall, why on earth has a contractor passed on this information to our neighbour and why has my neighbour thought it appropriate to then tell my husband? Isn't that weird? That me in my underwear at home is being discussed in a chain of men. Like wtf? If he was trying to be helpful he could have had some tact, and said oh by the way we can see in your windows or something along those lines. I just find it bizzare and inappropriate, and actually quite sexist. Woman in underwear in own home- alert the press. In other news, bikinis allowed on beaches and forks found in kitchen.

Also they are doing the guttering at 'some point next week', so am I to hide out all next week lest I offend with my pjs or whatever I want to wear in my own fucking home?!

AIBU?

If you had no curtains why did you walk round in your underwear once you were aware that workmen were at work.

YABU. The neighbour was just informing you of what happened, as a matter of fact. What you do with that information is up to you.

A lot of people are justifying it as just "information" but ignoring the fact at the point of the conversation she'd had curtains installed so it's a mute point. Should have never been passed on, especially not a message from the help (lol).

It's not really a moot point unless her curtains are always closed.

Surely that’s something you just “don’t notice”? And if you feel you have to mention it at all you mention it to the person concerned. Certainly not to a 3rd person.

Nothing wrong with walking around in your underwear in your own home. But maybe the contractor mentioned it to your neighbour thinking that perhaps she should warn you that he would be working on the house that day and could see in through the windows. Perhaps he was actually trying to do the right thing and was worried he might have embarrassed you by being at your window last time.

It was likely that the neighbour saw you and 'blamed' the workman as a deflection off himself. Sounds like a hint that you can be seen from the street/their garden etc.

She doesn't need to have her curtains closed. She's not a vampire.

Why are you angry? You wore undies at home, you were spotted, it was mentioned in the context of you fyi the gutter man is coming back so you might want to cover up. You don’t have to cover up if you are that way inclined but you do now have the choice.

Then she can't be surprised if people see her and comment.

Because men walk around naked curtains open and nothing is said. Women's purpose on earth is not to be oggled. They're allowed to exist and take up space.

Well, I would definitely comment to DH if our male neighbours were wandering about in their pants 😂

Do people not wear bikinis on the beach?
She's in her OWN home.
Why should people comment? People are absolutely not entitled to comment. Neighbour and contractor should mind their own business instead of trying to embarrass her.

Absolutely but not to the neighbours. That's the point. By mentioning it, it suggests she should be covering up.

I think you’re over reacting. He may have thought he was doing the decent thing letting you know what his contractor said. Some people don’t want to be seen in their undies. Some people don’t care and if you’re the latter just crack on!

No, it doesn't suggest that - that's what you've inferred.

Slatted shutters or blinds so you can see out but neigbours cant see in

No - people are entitled to comment on whatever they like.

If you want privacy in your own home then you close the curtains or make sure you're somewhere where you're not being overlooked.

Not in my neck of the woods they don't. The very thought! Clutches pearls.

It just sounds like he was trying to make you aware, in case you didn’t know you could be seen. He’s not passing a moral judgement on your behaviour, just giving you a heads up in case you’d be upset.

It might not be some puritan/sexist thing about revealing skin, just that to most people wandering around in your underwear would be similar to “house clothes”- happy to wear them about the house but wouldn’t open the door in them or want others to see them.

Probably just a clumsy way of making sure you are aware there will be a workman about who can see in.

Don’t they?
Whats the difference between what the OP was wearing and small short plus a vest/crop top?

Because that’s what all the posyers and I’d say 99% of people would infer.

This is from this idea that woman in underwear = sexy = only suitable in private.
Hell you even have people who think that, if you want to be in ‘underwear’ in your own house you should close the curtains/only do it where people can’t see you.

I nursed a single glass of wine over a 3 hour period with dinner, so yes I was steaming and I'm now in hospital with alcohol poisoning.

If he’d cared that much he could have closed his curtains?

He doesn’t have to worry about me, I don’t care.