AIBU to feel upset by my husband’s holiday group chat messages?

[Ickinspain]

Currently on holiday in spain with husband of 20yrs and our 2 children. This morning I was using chrome on my husbands phone as mine had no battery. I also checked his family WhatsApp group for updates on my mil who has been unwell. I happened to also look(snoop) on his friend's group, and was shocked and disgusted by what he wrote. There was a msg he wrote a couple of days ago referencing the amount of naked flesh on display. And then yesterday again he msged friends saying how turned he was by the women around the pool. Now we are at a very nice resort and most of the women are all very beautiful, slim, model-like bodies in skimpy swimwear. Of course I expect him to notice and have no issues with this. But for him to msg his friends what he did gave me major ick. It was a shock because ive never seen this side of him, hes always been respectful of women and just wondering if hes just hidden it well. I brought it up with him saying I felt it was gross and disrespectful to me. He says I'm making too much of it and it's just male banter and jokes.
So would you agree this is just how men talk or am I right to feel disrespected.

If you had a group of female friends, and they were that way inclined, would it be as horrifying if you said the same?

It might not be in the same tone, I appreciate, but I can imagine one of my old friends making some comment about half naked men round a pool. Then I'm not sure anyone would use the words turned on, but a playful reference to it might happen.

Not saying its ok. Not saying my friends are lecherous. But that sort of banter does go on in single sex groups at times. Occasionally.

PS I voted YANBU because its horrible to witness

Just saying I'd probably get over it

I don’t think I’d be able to come back from it if my husband did that, I really don’t. It’s just repulsive.

However, I also wouldn’t know if he had because I wouldn’t snoop in his messages.

The issue is you can’t un-see it, but you shouldn’t have seen it in the first place either….

No all men any age think like like this men are men it’s just banter and showing off. What if a woman saw a hunky man with very tight thong on and showing off his muscles she would text her best mate about what she thought I’m sure.

@Ickinspain It was a shock because ive never seen this side of him, hes always been respectful of women and just wondering if hes just hidden it well.

Why is it mutually exclusive for your husband to be attracted to the women he sees on holiday, and for him to also be respectful of women? Why is it not possible for these things to be true at the same time?

Would you prefer your husband talks about women the same way that I see women talk about men? I see huge numbers of women talking about how they find all men juvenile, unintelligent, ugly, and repulsive. If a man spoke about women that way, would that be less sexist?

I'll cicnede it's not rational but it's the "turned on" that woukd bother me more than c simple comment about enjoying the scenery. The fact he's sitting there trying to hide a semi every time a woman walks past and when he's trying it on with me later knowing it isn't be he's thinking of

In marriage, bodies and personal spaces are invaded and shared freely, but phones is where we draw the line of privacy? Huh?
I don't get who came up with this concept. We share our most precious asset (BODY, you have just 1 body, just 1, once it's gone) with each other, but not free access to phones?

You give consent to share your body, each and every time

There was no consent to share his private conversations

It's a false equivalence

It's weird he felt comfortable posting in a group chat - so obviously knows his friends will never rat him out.

But I have no problem with the content and would likely have been making the same comments about attractive men/women at the pool - albeit, to my partner, not in a group chat. Bit childish isn't it?? And it would be positive, like: oh, I wish I had those thighs, or: that guy's abs are amazing.

I find it silly we pretend we're not all having those thoughts. Especially when everyone is half naked. Of course we're all thinking it! I'd rather be honest and direct with my partner.

It sounds more like you're just shocked he makes those comments as he doesn't normally around you. But that's because we're all conditioned to think there's something pervy about being attracted to half naked people, so we keep quiet or share privately in group chats. Are you really surprised by this?