AIBU to feel upset by my husband’s holiday group chat messages?

[Ickinspain]

Currently on holiday in spain with husband of 20yrs and our 2 children. This morning I was using chrome on my husbands phone as mine had no battery. I also checked his family WhatsApp group for updates on my mil who has been unwell. I happened to also look(snoop) on his friend's group, and was shocked and disgusted by what he wrote. There was a msg he wrote a couple of days ago referencing the amount of naked flesh on display. And then yesterday again he msged friends saying how turned he was by the women around the pool. Now we are at a very nice resort and most of the women are all very beautiful, slim, model-like bodies in skimpy swimwear. Of course I expect him to notice and have no issues with this. But for him to msg his friends what he did gave me major ick. It was a shock because ive never seen this side of him, hes always been respectful of women and just wondering if hes just hidden it well. I brought it up with him saying I felt it was gross and disrespectful to me. He says I'm making too much of it and it's just male banter and jokes.
So would you agree this is just how men talk or am I right to feel disrespected.

What a creep.

He's bragging to his mates like a 15yo schoolboy. Look at all the gorgeous women I'm surrounded by! Utterly pathetic. He's a middle-aged dad and the women probably think he's a repulsive little creep, if they are aware of his leering gaze. Tell him to grow up. Hope MIL is okay btw.

YANBU that is very creepy to take the step to comment on it to other men. It's not a joke, as how is it funny? Is he otherwise ok? Makes an effort and makes you feel loved/desired?

Yeah I would hate this. I just don't want to be near men who talk this way.

That was my reply to him. 'How is that a joke?' Which he had no reply to. He is otherwise very loving and complimentary towards me on a regular basis. We have what I thought was a solid strong marriage which is why reading that threw me.

It’s disgusting but you shouldn’t have snooped on his phone so you are both unreasonable

Well it's what a lot of men think. Gross but it's a fact.

You should have started saying small things about the men around the pool over a day or so if he quetioned it then you could have called him out on his messages. See how he liked it.

I think it's as likely that the face he shows his friends is fake, as the face he shows you is. Men are socialised to be disgusting to each other.

Doesn't make it right though.

Why would you go through messages thayyou had no rights to see?

He's a bit crass. But the message was never meant for you to see. And if you go snooping you'll find things you dont want to see. You're both wrong. What is it with people on here thinking they can just snoop through someone's phone?

Get rid of the messaging apps can't happen then.

It’s how a sizeable proportion of men think. A smaller proportion vocalise it to show off to others. It’s never nice for women to get a glimpse of it and you’d be better off not snooping through his phone in future.

This

Only if they teens. Young men.

I often wonder when I read threads like this about what the husband would feel like if you said you were ogling all the hot men around the pool. Give him a taste of his own medicine.

This. How pathetic. He’s shot himself in the foot as id imagine your labido had heavily reduced now.

If it’s purely meaningless banter, he doesn’t he say it to your face? I’d dread to think what he’s like on lads nights out, I know I wouldn’t trust him.

Id never look at my husband's messages on his phone. However kind, trustworthy ,nice they are I think most men are stupid little boys when they get chatting. They dont even mean what they say they just think its clever.

Don’t you mean, what is it with married people people secretly messaging vulgar things?

How many secrets are you hiding from your spouse?

Yeah, make him delete WhatsApp off his phone. Then everything will be fine.

No, it's nearly all of them. Of all ages.

My husband wouldn’t say this to my face and I have never seen or heard him speak to his mates like this (when he hasn’t known that I am around/can hear). That said, I would be very very naive to think he wouldn’t notice attractive women especially if they were practically naked expect for three triangles of material. I notice and I am heterosexual.
That said, I wouldn’t like to have my suspicions confirmed nor read that he was turned on by it but your DH didn’t send the message to you.

I agree. All men who fancy women.
What the do, say etc makes the difference.

Am I the only person sat here reading this (as a basically nice, decent person) thinking it isnt outside of my realm of possibility that I would message a girls chat group with 'bloody hell, my peri menopause cant cope with the amount of sexy testosterone im having to endure around the pool? #wheredidiputmyrabbit' (or similar).

Im not sure it is the worst thing in the world said as banter.. depends how it was worded.

I agree with this. You've totally glossed over your massive invasion of his privacy with a very lame excuse about checking up on his MIL's health.

What he said was crude and unpalatable but not unreasonable in itself, and more importantly was a private conversation with his friends that you have no right to police.

I’d be pissed off too