Feeling awful about son's accident in the pool

[Lolarose999]

We're on holiday at the moment.. Me, DH, and DS3.

I've never panicked so much and the guilt is killing me.

I was sat in the baby pool with DS, who had a zip up life vest on.. we were playing catch, when I heard DH shout from the pool side bar asking me what side I wanted with my lunch. I turned my head to the side to shout over my response, so didnt leave the pool..This interaction was 10-15 seconds tops.

When i turned back around, DS was on his back, the vest had lifted his chest and legs upwards, but his head was under the water. From seeing and getting him out, I was maybe 2 arms lengths away, and had him up so quick.

I feel so awful, the guilt is eating away at me. He was absolutely hysterical. Hes been checked over by the life guard and also by the hotel doctor, and is thankfully fine. But its the image in my mind that's sticking with me, the fear. The thought of seeing him with such panic. I keep crying thinking how its all my fault, how scared he must have been.

Not an aibu, but just feel so incredibly guilty and hoping he forgets this happened, even if it sticks with me for a long time.

Evidently those life vests are not safe. I think I read something earlier this year about them being dangerous.
I know it is hard to get those images out of your head. All you can do is remind yourself that he is ok and that it will never have the chance to happen again.

Jeez, that's a shockingly bad design fault on the vest! You must have had such a shock, I can't see how you could have anticipated that, especially when you were so close. Thank goodness he's OK.

Lesson learnt, do not take your eyes off him if he is in the water and you haven't got hold of him.

The life vest has given you a false sense of security.
Don't beat yourself up, he won't be the first child to end up with his head beneath the water when he didn't expect it. Hopefully he'll be young enough not to remember and keep reminding you when he is older!

It’s a bad design. Although, I guessed you’ve now learned the lesson that it’s not safe to take your eyes off your child when in the pool.

Ditch the life vest. Teach him to float. 3 year olds are very resilient! Don't let it put you off getting back in the water with him, the sooner the better for you both. ❤️

This is why you should only use life vests that also securely fix between the legs. He’s fine, it will impact you more than him, theres no need to beat yourself up about it.

Ditch the life vest. Teach him to float, self correct and to not panic. He’s 3, why hasn’t he been in swimming lessons yet? My children are 12 and 8, they have been in formal lessons since I stopped bleeding after birth and currently DS12 swims for the county and DS8 has completed his lifesaving training (as of Wednesday).

It did give me a false sense of security, youre right. I made sure to get a semi expensive well known brand and I thought I was doing the right thing in having it. Looking back at it, it almost pushed his head down further as it pulled his chest up with his head weighed down.

Ds seems ok, were now at the apartment eating pizza and watching his favourite spiderman

Those life vests are really dangerous.
i agree with others - ditch it. They also give your ds a false sense of security. My DN had one and jumped in the pool forgetting he hadn’t put it on one time. He was so used to confidently jumping in and floating. I had to jump in and get him. The fear. It was so scary. Children can learn to float on their backs as a safety move from a very very young age and it is a skill that could save them.

Does he have swimming lessons OP? Both my DDs could swim at least 5m at 3, and also knew how to float if in trouble. Best money we have ever spent. When they were really little, we used armbands in the pool.

He doesn't have swim lessons, but after this, I will absolutely look into it. I keep tearing up randomly, so I need to make sure this doesnt happen again.

The main reason he doesnt have lessons, is because the days he could attend at our local leisure centre, clashes with a long established dance class for DD who isnt mentioned in this post. There isnt anyone who could do dance run, as DH works nights.

Following what happened, ill start searching further out for a class that has other availability

Life vests are not a substitute for proper supervision and water safety.
Teach h to float on his back.
And an adult should be watching non swimmers at all times.

I’d look into private 121 lessons if you can, they’re amazing and really accelerate the learning. Floating on their backs without armbands is one of the first things they learn ❤️

Really??! 🙄🧐

Just to say 🤗 i can totally imagine how you are feeling. You’re doing your best and sometimes this sort of thing happens and we learn. Please don’t keep beating yourself up

I feel like the worst parent, as you can already imagine.

I want to reiterate, I was in the baby pool with him, playing. He was supervised, and i stupidly turned my head to answer a question when this happened.

While Ds eats, ive found a teacher that operates from a school pool in my area, that only teaches 3 kids of his age at a time, ive shot her a message.. so hopefully we can prevent this from happening again.

Life vest will be ditched and burnt.

This could have happened to anyone. We all have accidents. Nobody has been harmed.
I don’t use those life vests on my three. I keep toddlers hand or keep him in my arms. I think the life vest style things give a false sense of security.

At that age he really should know how to swim … or at the very least how to float .

You should get this sorted asap.

Omg.

It’s over now. Thankfully it was a few seconds. I would still bring him for a checkup. He probably didn’t inhale much but secondary drowning is a risk when little ones go under. I doubt he was under long enough.

Sorry, am I misunderstanding - are you saying that most 3-yr olds can swim?

OP give yourself a break. He’s fine. You were not far away and while you got a massive fright he was never in real danger as you were there to reach him. It’s not your fault the vest was an awful design.

He will absolutely forget it.

And those who cannot afford swimming lessons, and where the waiting lists are multiple years long?

He won't remember it. You were right beside him and got to him almost instantly. Getting back in the water with him will help you recover from the shock.

My DD, slightly older, was splashing about in a pool wearing an inflatable ring. Water up to her thighs. She slipped and next second was being held upside down by the ring. (My DH leapt off a sun-lounger, still with shoes on, into the pool.) She has no memory other than it is a family holiday story.

OP, the guilt creeping up randomly and smacking you round the head is really awful but at least you can channel it into action (and are doing so). My son leaned over the edge of a pool and toppled in when he was about 18mths - I was right next to him but didn't catch him in time - and I cried for bloody ages afterwards. He was in for seconds (it shocked him rather than anything else) but it's a glimpse into a horrendous possibility that you'll now be better equipped to prevent.