Feeling awful about son's accident in the pool

[Lolarose999]

We're on holiday at the moment.. Me, DH, and DS3.

I've never panicked so much and the guilt is killing me.

I was sat in the baby pool with DS, who had a zip up life vest on.. we were playing catch, when I heard DH shout from the pool side bar asking me what side I wanted with my lunch. I turned my head to the side to shout over my response, so didnt leave the pool..This interaction was 10-15 seconds tops.

When i turned back around, DS was on his back, the vest had lifted his chest and legs upwards, but his head was under the water. From seeing and getting him out, I was maybe 2 arms lengths away, and had him up so quick.

I feel so awful, the guilt is eating away at me. He was absolutely hysterical. Hes been checked over by the life guard and also by the hotel doctor, and is thankfully fine. But its the image in my mind that's sticking with me, the fear. The thought of seeing him with such panic. I keep crying thinking how its all my fault, how scared he must have been.

Not an aibu, but just feel so incredibly guilty and hoping he forgets this happened, even if it sticks with me for a long time.

Also had a similar experience with our 3yo on holiday, she's absolutely fearless so I thought I was doing the right thing by putting a swim vest on her in the pool. I was right beside her and she flipped forwards and while it did help her float she then couldn't get her head up and legs back down so was then flailing with her face fully submerged, I'd hate to think what would have happened had I not been right beside her watching.
it went in the bin after that and we switched to arm bands, don't let it put you both off op but ditch the vest.

Do you have anything helpful to say to the OP? This post isn’t about you or your children for goodness sake. 🙄

@Lolarose999 that sounds utterly terrifying. It’s a lesson learned and I’m wondering how many other parents have bought the vest that you used in good faith. Can you leave a review to warn other people not to be complacent when using it? I’m not getting at you but that might be helpful to others. I’m glad your wee one is ok.

It can’t be real

But at least the poster didn’t tell us she’s so full of herself she can’t actually walk on water.

Bless you OP. Life presents so many dangers. I’m in my 60s and still have flashbacks of the number of near misses my kids have had, heights, things going in their mouths, too near to the iron. I have to remind myself that they were just near misses.

Today my DD sent a cute video of 20 month grandson floating in a pool on holiday. I had to resist messaging back to check he had his life vest on. Earlier this summer I was pushing her to buy the style you have described. How wrong was granny.

Guilt is a side effect of loving something so precious and not wanting them to get hurt. He is fine. Give him a(nother) hug and enjoy your holiday.

Aww it was an accident and he's ok. Try not to be too hard on yourself. Out of interest what type of life vest was it?was it one of the inflatable ones or an actual life vest?

Clearly your DHs fault for asking a silly question like that

I don't think arm bands are that great either op. For life jackets in young children, I believe they should have a supported cushion part behind the head - I can't quite picture what you described but maybe yours had no cushion and allowed his head to fall back? I guess ultimately all of these things are aids and not replacements for supervison. Don't be hard on yourself, sometimes the accidental small scares are the things that keep us more vigilant and prevent bigger scares/disasters.

Thankfully he’s fine and like others have said you won’t be the first one to use one of those vests and have them cause problems.
My oldest is 13 and I remember at a baby group someone advising me never to get one because they had experienced similar when supervising their child in the water, it alters their sense of gravity and they can’t right themselves if they tip so we never used them.
As others have said the priority really is some swimming lessons, at this age they teach them how to float and get themselves out of water more than swim.
It sounds scary but I’ve never used any swimming aids in any of mine bar a woggle as our swim school doesn’t recommend arm bands etc.
We’ve all as parents had moments where we’ve dropped the ball but thankfully it’s been ok.
I was on holiday swimming at the weekend and a toddler ran from the little splash pad area straight off the side into the main pool. His Mum was legging it after him but he was too quick, I grabbed him just as he went under the water and passed him to the side just as his Mum got there. It happened it what seemed like a blink of an eye, when I saw him again in the splash pad zone he had arm bands on and one of their group was stationed in the area between the two zones…
I hope the rest of the holiday goes smoothly

That’s some old school MN’ing right there. Ahh I miss this type of middle class flaming you used to get on here.

Oh wow aren’t you just so amazing, off you trot and polish your Mum Halo. Ffs. 🤦‍♀️

When my daughter was about 4, she almost drowned right in front of me. I was on the side watching her a bit as she went down a slide she’d been on many times. I watched her go off, and then noticed she was sort of bobbing up and down. I thought she was just playing around. The water was a bit too deep for her where she was, I thought she was kicking off the bottom and popping off for fun. The. I realized it was weird. I ran to the side and screamed, the lifeguard saw and got her out. She coughed for ages in inbetween crying and eventually told me she had gone down the slide wrong and water went up her nose. She was gasping for air but of course couldn’t scream. For weeks I had nightmares about it and couldn’t sleep. I still remember it perfectly and it makes me feel sick. Drowning is silent. That’s why people don’t notice. A kid is slowly suffocating, but not making any noise. Try to forgive yourself! I know you won’t forget but forgive!

I’d be more concerned he thought this was a reasonable question, what sort of monster would choose the salad?

I cant disagree that in an ideal situation this would be great but in reality most three year olds cannot swim

We were visiting family in South Africa. The day after our visit the 4 year old got into the pool somehow in the evening. They had a fence around it. They found him at the bottom....

He's now 27 and fit and healthy thank god. Even in a country where pools are the norm and everyone is drilled about safety, accidents happen. Your son is fine. He probably will not even remember it...but I'd get shot of the vest

Whew! Glad you’d stopped bleeding, might have been a bit of a mess poolside.
and is your DS8 employed as a lifeguard now that he’s qualified??

I’d really recommend no floatation devices and teaching kids to lie on their back & float if panicked or drowning. Mine have never had arm bands or life vest and are confident swimmers now. Most children can actually learn to swim well underwater before they can swim on top of the water. Floatation devices mess with their ability to learn to underwater swim and give false confidence to both them and others.

PS don’t beat yourself up. He is fine and always would have been fine because you were right there and ready to rescue him!

Look you’ve had a shock.

You’ve learned about the life vests.

You’ve booked swim lessons.

Please now go and enjoy your holiday. No point continuing to beat yourself up as you’ve done a really positive thing - recognised a mistake and taken action not to repeat it.

Of course you are going to feel bad but remember you bought that life vest thinking you were doing the right thing by your son. You are not a bad mum. give yourself some credit and i am sure you will never take your eyes off the little one even for a second when they are in the or near the water. Please try and enjoy the rest of your holiday 🌺

Not true. I used to be a lifeguard. Weak swimmers or non-swimmers are far more likely to drown.

Try not to beat yourself up about it, he’s safe and you made a mistake. You thought your child would be safe. Those life vest along with all sort of other products are really unsafe they hold a child in a drowning position! It also creates muscle memory in a drowning position, try arm bands and try to teach him this holiday how to starfish on his back!

Don’t places generally only start offering lessons at an older age?

ToffeePennie probably.

Good for you

Do you realise not everyone can afford them, some children have chronic ear conditions, some people don't think about swimming at the age of 3.

Its hardly the crime of the year have some empathy.