Feeling awful about son's accident in the pool

[Lolarose999]

We're on holiday at the moment.. Me, DH, and DS3.

I've never panicked so much and the guilt is killing me.

I was sat in the baby pool with DS, who had a zip up life vest on.. we were playing catch, when I heard DH shout from the pool side bar asking me what side I wanted with my lunch. I turned my head to the side to shout over my response, so didnt leave the pool..This interaction was 10-15 seconds tops.

When i turned back around, DS was on his back, the vest had lifted his chest and legs upwards, but his head was under the water. From seeing and getting him out, I was maybe 2 arms lengths away, and had him up so quick.

I feel so awful, the guilt is eating away at me. He was absolutely hysterical. Hes been checked over by the life guard and also by the hotel doctor, and is thankfully fine. But its the image in my mind that's sticking with me, the fear. The thought of seeing him with such panic. I keep crying thinking how its all my fault, how scared he must have been.

Not an aibu, but just feel so incredibly guilty and hoping he forgets this happened, even if it sticks with me for a long time.

My 3rd Dc got trapped under a rubber ring he was 2 its been 33 yrs and I can still see it. Teach your child to relax and float on their back with no flotation device. Its a lifesaver.

I think just under a minute as my dad thought there must be an intruder or something else seriously wrong for our dog to be barking so frantically, so he rushed to see what was happening.

I think this is an issue. People are using the term "life vest" for what is really a swimming vest/buoyancy aid (aka a float). I am not blaming OP for this, it is clearly a common misunderstanding because aside from a few people being deliberately obtuse, everyone knows what kind of float she is referring to. Presumably a Zoggs/Speedo etc (as mentioned a "good brand").

A life jacket/life vest is something completely different and is designed to give someone the best chances of survival even if they fall into water unconscious. They are bright orange and huge. You would not be using one in a pool on holiday, because they are too bulky and they aren't designed for learning to swim.

The floatie vests are everywhere, very commonly used for young children who can't yet swim. I've used them. We've also used arm bands, noodle floats, rubber rings. They are really handy to help children with water confidence and mean you don't have to actually hold on to DC with both hands at all times, which can make it easier to play games and/or handle multiple children in the water, however younger children in particular (and any child who can't swim) do need constant supervision even with a float. The modern ones are better than older versions like rubber rings which can trap children upside down or keep their head too far out of the water. The vests I have had didn't seem to be able to trap children upside down, but it is possible, if the vest is too long or loose to stay on the upper body of the child only, that they could tip the opposite way. My younger two, when they were 2 were pretty chunky and so the vest was quite tight on them and stayed in the right place. DS1 was super skinny - he didn't have a vest but I could imagine if he had had a vest, it might have been looser on his body and moved up and down which is where the risk happens. I do think one issue is that when they fit properly, they look too small. Ours were hand me downs, so I didn't worry about this. But when they're at a stage of life when they are growing so quickly, you don't want to buy something it seems like they're about to grow out of. But this is one thing you don't want to get early for them to "grow into" (same for car seats).

But more generally I think it is very easy to get complacent with pools and think that DC are fine for a few seconds - ideally, we need to have eyes OR hands on them 100% of the time, and never be out of arms' reach of a child under 5 around water. In reality, very very few people follow this aside from for tiny babies. I am overaware of safety guidance to the point I should probably speak to a doctor about it, and even I do not do it 100% of the time. I do try, and probably get about 98-99% but there have absolutely been times where I would take both hand and eyes off a younger child for one reason or another for a few seconds at a time or be very slightly further away though watching still - luckily nothing bad ever happened.

From what I've seen of other families at swimming pools both in the UK and abroad, most people do not keep up this level of vigilance - they'll be within arms' reach or visual reach, but not adhere to the 100% hand OR eye rule AND arms' length. And some people will happily let very tiny children wander around with just an adult vaguely nearby - this I find shocking TBH and it is a minority. Overall, drownings at swimming pools are extremely low so I can understand relaxing a bit and forgetting or not being aware of the rules, but I also think that general awareness could be better.

Yeah

Thank @BertieBotts
People calling them lifevests really doesn't help, so many people have also suggested she reports to manufacture, when really it was probably operator error.

Floatly vests they are an aid, not to be completely relied upon, they need supervision exactly the same as arm bands and rubber rings. I note a few people saying their LOs have had incidents with rubber rings too.

I hear what you are saying they need to be snug or they do slide, hence some do have crotch straps too.

This.

Yeah- a bit tone deaf really.

Obviously the wrong size for him..... did tge hotel/pool provide it - though you are of course responsible for using it.....

Just be thankful you have had a warning and now you know. Sadly many parents who lost tbeir dc to drowning did not.

15 or so years ago, I pulled a babiy's head above the water in a baby pool. His Mum was right there perhaps even holding him but talking to someone, and not looking at the baby and he was quietly drowning.
You have to be so careful.
It's a wake up call, but could happen to any of us