Feeling awful about son's accident in the pool

[Lolarose999]

We're on holiday at the moment.. Me, DH, and DS3.

I've never panicked so much and the guilt is killing me.

I was sat in the baby pool with DS, who had a zip up life vest on.. we were playing catch, when I heard DH shout from the pool side bar asking me what side I wanted with my lunch. I turned my head to the side to shout over my response, so didnt leave the pool..This interaction was 10-15 seconds tops.

When i turned back around, DS was on his back, the vest had lifted his chest and legs upwards, but his head was under the water. From seeing and getting him out, I was maybe 2 arms lengths away, and had him up so quick.

I feel so awful, the guilt is eating away at me. He was absolutely hysterical. Hes been checked over by the life guard and also by the hotel doctor, and is thankfully fine. But its the image in my mind that's sticking with me, the fear. The thought of seeing him with such panic. I keep crying thinking how its all my fault, how scared he must have been.

Not an aibu, but just feel so incredibly guilty and hoping he forgets this happened, even if it sticks with me for a long time.

All 3 year olds can swim and an 8 year old has completed his lifeguard training?

OP, be kind to yourself. Children do things which scare us as parents, you aren’t the worst mother in the world, it was seconds and you rescued him and had him checked over and comforted him. He is fine.

swimming lessons are a great idea, especially if you go on pool/beach holidays. But you always have to have an eye on them, even when they can swim.

Most of the people who have died from accidental drowning were good swimmers.

You are not the first person to take your eye off for a few seconds.

Please don't panic OP. He's absolutely fine and you were there and supervising.

Time to research what floatation aids are better. I believe arm bands as that keeps their head out of the water.

Some lessons when you get home and maybe some regular family trips to the pool to build confidence. It can take years to learn so don't stress too much.

Out of interest can your DD swim too? What floatation aids did she have? And when were her lessons.

It's difficult juggling two kids but personally I wouldn't prioritise dance over a life skills. Both need equal activity time.

Hugs to you OP. What a fright you must have got. DS will forget about it in time and you'll feel better once you've done something proactive about it.

Gotta be the weird flex of the day

Don’t point out the obvious fact that some children are disadvantaged. They won’t understand. 😅
Swimming lessons are not cheap.

DS is doing his after Christmas once he has turned 8, it's not life-saving, it's the one where they wear pyjamas in the pool and rescue a rubber brick from the bottom at that age 😂, massive over statement from the PP, mother of hasselhof junior

Teach them in a puddle with the mutts!!

I've had the same happen. The vests are for certain weight brackets (not always made clear!) and DD1 was just too light.

You thought you were doing your best. You'd bought what you thought was good safety equipment. You were in the pool with him. What you have learned today is that when it comes to small children and water, arm's length and eyes on. And you have learned it in a manner that your child has recovered faster than you. Lots of cuddles definitely needed tonight.

Dd is 16, and is a fab swimmer - she had lessons from age 2 until about 10, when dance took over.

I recall her having the swim discs during the early years.

Youre right about prioritising time.. I think hers has took over as shes at the point of it progressing into a life long career, and everything is dance dance dance.

Aww we’ve all had moments as parents that stick with us. We hired a boat in Corfu and allowed our children 12, 15,16,16 to swim over to the beach while we moored. We could see there was a problem when they got to the beach (unbeknown to us, there was coral at the shoreline and they cut their feet, surface wounds). I still have images of them swimming back to the boat, struggling a bit, the girls in tears, them climbing back on the boat and the blood in the water (looked worse than what it actually was!). I still have awful flashbacks to my youngest, battling back. My partner clearly would have jumped in if it had been a true emergency but he was in control of the boat. I felt like the worse mother in the world and I’m normally really careful with water and the sea.
We’ve all done stuff and you are clearly a great mother x try not to beat yourself up too much over it and you will clearly have learned from it, just like I did.

I remember seeing just this on holiday about 15 years ago. It frightened me so I can't imagine how you're feeling. It's an accident avoided. Stop the guilt, you were doing nothing wrong. Try and enjoy the rest of your holiday x

I would like to say congratulations now thousands of people know, but to be fair I have a feeling that you’ve told pretty much everybody you’ve ever come into contact with anyway.

It does keep repeating on you when these split second things happen. I was in the pool with DD must have been 1.5 or 2 and watched her slip under - I was within reach and grabbed her up but she was very scared by it and even something so minor I couldn’t get out of my head after - kept seeing it happen again and again. Which is good as it teaches you how quickly it does happen!

I’ve also had this happen when one of mine was a toddler and would never trust a life vest on a small non-swimmer. Stick to inflatable armbands.

Ok. Deep breath. I remember turning around in pool when I was blowing up my daughters arm bands to find her floating off face down across the pool. She had one on. Again it was seconds. These things happen but I still can picture it in my mind as clear as day. She was nearly 2. She is now nearly 24. You are not a bad parent!

Not the point of the thread, but how are these vest allowed to be sold? Don't they have to meet a certain safety standard? What's the point of them if you still need to be holding the child at all times.

OP, you won't be the first and you won't be the last. He's OK and you're shaken up.

I once misjudged the position of a horizontal bar in a play area, was throwing (not high) and catching little DS in the air and clonked his head hard on the bar.

I once 'encouraged' the other DS to leap frog a concrete bollard. He didn't make it and landing chin first on the other side.

You need to try forgive yourself, while learning a really crucial lesson. A child that young needs to be watched constantly while in the pool, and at arm's length. Two arm's lengths away while you look away for 10-15s could lead to a child drowning. It might not sound long, but sit and start your timer on your phone for 15s and you'll realise a lot can happen in that time.

I'm glad your DS is okay, and I hope in time you're able to forgive yourself. And to make sure he is always watched and within reach in water in the future. Sounds like you likely got a bit complacent which is easily done.

I know this is meant well but this is the most MN comment ever 😂

How are your own children's achievements relevant to how the OP is feeling?

Omg that sounds horrific. Poor you and DD, that must have been so scary at the time 😢

What happened to good old fashioned arm bands or a swim ring.

Those jackets aren't life jackets by the way - they are merely buoyancy aids.

A true life jacket has a collar around the neck, and it will always float you on your back with your head out of the water even if you are unconscious. That's the definition of a life jacket.It will keep you alive with your face out of the water even if you are unconscious.

Those toddler vests are just a false sense of security without actually being particularly safe.

Don't get me started about people putting them on dogs who can actually swim better than humans

Agreed. It probably wasnt even that long, its a guess.

Conversation LOLA (turns head) do you want chips or a salad?

Me - chips obviously.

Turned back around to see what I did.

he won't remember this and I am sure there will be further times in the future when accidents happen, its life. I found arm bands much safer than those vests. My kids started swimming lessons at 3. You were there, you got him out, he's been checked over, no harm done. Don't beat yourself up over it.