Feeling awful about son's accident in the pool

[Lolarose999]

We're on holiday at the moment.. Me, DH, and DS3.

I've never panicked so much and the guilt is killing me.

I was sat in the baby pool with DS, who had a zip up life vest on.. we were playing catch, when I heard DH shout from the pool side bar asking me what side I wanted with my lunch. I turned my head to the side to shout over my response, so didnt leave the pool..This interaction was 10-15 seconds tops.

When i turned back around, DS was on his back, the vest had lifted his chest and legs upwards, but his head was under the water. From seeing and getting him out, I was maybe 2 arms lengths away, and had him up so quick.

I feel so awful, the guilt is eating away at me. He was absolutely hysterical. Hes been checked over by the life guard and also by the hotel doctor, and is thankfully fine. But its the image in my mind that's sticking with me, the fear. The thought of seeing him with such panic. I keep crying thinking how its all my fault, how scared he must have been.

Not an aibu, but just feel so incredibly guilty and hoping he forgets this happened, even if it sticks with me for a long time.

@Lolarose999 - when my younger daughter was 4, she nearly got on to a tube train without me (we wanted a different one). I was about 1 metre behind her and grabbed her back but she’s a young adult now and that incident still gives me chills when i remember it. A friend of mine lost her 7 year old son (now in his mid-20s) on a beach for 30 mins. I think most parents have that ouch memory with their children. It comes with the territory. Lesson learned. Forgive yourself.

What an awful experience, OP! It’s good that you have posted your experience here because hopefully a few people will learn from this. As a former lifeguard, I have witnessed similar events. I also regularly used to advise parents about tbe risks and they usually did not believe me. PPs are right about the jacket (and also other floats) give parents a false sense of security.

@Lolarose999 just wanted to say I hope you are ok and I hope you can continue to enjoy your holiday. He will most likely have already forgotten about it and it’s unlikely to be an event that sticks in his memory if he’s 3. Please try not to worry, you’ve done absolutely nothing wrong and as a previous poster said, best thing is to get back in the pool and help him learn how to float. Try to push it out of your mind now and enjoy your holiday x

I assume they are just the light swim vests. Speedo do them..
https://www.johnlewis.com/speedo-baby-penguin-float-vest-azure-blue-fluro/p109825634?

We have one and I don’t really like it. But do still use it because our proper life jacket would look stupid in the communal swim pool.

We do take our proper life jacket when at sea, boating or in private pool holidays…https://baltic.se/en/products/skipper-life-jacket/

You really would struggle to drown in the latter.

Lots of good advise here….i would maybe just reiterate a few things having grown up with a pool on a lake and having been a lifeguard and swimming instructor from my experience.

1. At 3 there is no aid that will protect a child fully. These are aids not replacements for swimming.
2. Lifevests aren’t really designed for baby pools - they are designed for deeper water where the legs can be vertically in the water but this one sounds a bit dodgy.
3. Lifevests need to be put on tightly. If the panels overlap or touch the best is too big.
4. I have seen more than one kid go under. It’s scary but they are normally fine. Stop beating your self up and spiralling.
5. To those who say about affordability of swimming lessons I agree - but if you can afford a holiday abroad you can afford some lessons.
6. Adopt thr eyes always on policy. At all times eyes on children in the water. When someone else is watching verbally say ‘do you have eyes on’. It saves the ‘ I thought you were watching’ thinking.
7. Kids should learn to be safe in water without needing buoyancy aids.

Ive seen this more than once and while super scary to you just to reassure your child is fine. They have been looked over and are appearing normally. Crappy experience but please don’t spiral.

Reminds me of the time I was in the school pool ( newts and twigs and a splintery shed for a changing room, no showers either, awful place) wearing a rubber ring that somehow slipped down to my thighs bringing my legs up and my head down. As usual the useless PE teacher was very busy coaching the competitive swimmers ( just like she coached the kids who had private tennis lessons! Actually I think they were the same kids) and ignoring the non swimmers, so didn’t see me nearly drown. You never did manage to teach me to swim did you Miss Williams? I taught myself some years later which is why I now swim like a turtle.

I am glad to hear your lad is none the worse for the incident OP. Must have been a scarey moment.

Most children can't swim at age 3 even the ones who have lessons, and I would have assumed the life vests were safe too OP. Thanks for raising awareness.

This was absolutely peak Mumsnet!

There's a horrifying stat about how many children drown within arms' reach of a parent.

Generally, I think most floatation aids (including armbands) hamper a child's ability to learn how to float and swim and didn't use them with mine, but can totally understand why you would, especially on a holiday. Don't beat yourself up OP, when I was about 9 I thought it would be hilarious to put armbands around my feet, despite being an artistic swimmer and knowing full well how buoyancy worked. So even if you've taught your kids to swim stuff happens.

Glad he is ok. I think the issue is with vests (and other swim aids for that matter) is they do give a false sense of security.

Don't beat yourself up over it though as accidents happen. It sounds like you are being proactive now in seeking out swim lessons and he will be at the right age to now benefit from them.

You mention not doing this previously due to DDs dance, and I see she is 16. Is there no way she is able to get herself to lessons or share lifts with another parent if you don't manage to get in with the other swim teacher? (If she is doing multiple classes a week you could do a day that doesn't clash and find a parent that does the day swimming is on, or DD could get there herself and then you only just need to pick up?).

Op dint beat yourself up for having your attention pulled for a few secidns, it's a normal reaction to look when someone shouts you. Or for not cancelling your daughter's dance lessons so you could take him swimming. What happened was a shock, and you've fixed it so it doesn't happen again. Beating yourself up won't help and isn't needed.

Without meaning any disrespect to the OP, then if that is the case you literally don't take your hands off them in the water, and take them swimming yourself without lessons until they're comfortable.

If you can't take them swimming before the holiday, then the holiday becomes the lesson - and in my son's lessons, he was in my arms for the first couple of years.

It’s really difficult to get child swimming lessons here. The council pool has a huge waiting list. The specialist children swim franchises are approx £20 a lesson. Plus it’s hard to sort out swimming lessons when you have another child to care for.

Hasslehof junior 😂
You win the internet today 😄
iv just literally spat my tea out. The cat is horrified.

I really feel for you. I think it's a rare parent who can say they have never, not for a second, relaxed their guard over their child. Most of us are lucky and our children are fine, and even if something happened they are still fine, but the memory of "what if" does stay with you. I'm sure you're a great mother so forgive yourself.

This happened to my daughter, her dad was with her in the pool and she slipped over in the shallow part, the lift vest pinned her head under the water. He was right there with her and watching and it still happened. He threw the life vest away. We use arm bands now, and they are much better at keeping head under water. They also learn to float on their belly and back with them and spin over to stop this happening. Its so hard when you think you are doing the right thing by having them in a safety vest

I recently had a similar experience, literally let go of my child for 2 seconds & it happened. Once I came to terms with the shock I took it as a lesson. Never thought it could happen but now I know it can. I'm using it as a life lesson & I hope you can do the same once the guilt lessens.

Ah seriously 🙄
No need to to boast.

Swimming comes first. Not dance.

Smug, much?!

The vests you can get for toddlers are flotation aids not life saving vests.

my kids used them to learn to swim - the idea is you take a float out every now and then and eventually there aren’t any left.

certainly won’t keep a kid safe.

op, sounds like you had a scare but hopefully all
ok now. Float to live position is probably the best thing to teach - https://rnli.org/water-safety/float

incdentally I believe rookie lifeguard training is now available for 8-12 year olds. https://www.rlss.org.uk/pages/category/rookie-lifeguard

Feel better for that? Hijack some poor, guilt ridden woman's thread to brag about your superior parenting and your kid's superior swimming.

Biggest eye roll imaginable.

I think you are overreacting.

Please try not to beat yourself up anymore, we’ve all had lapses in attention when we’ve believed our kids were safe (ie in a baby pool, wearing a life jacket). When the thoughts turn up just remind yourself that you’re having a normal and natural reaction to a real fright (which, by the way, is a sign that you’re a good mum)… these are normal emotional responses, just acknowledge your feelings and remind yourself everyone is safe. I hope you feel better soon ❤️

Oh OP - you’re not a bad mum. You were supervising your child and turned for a few seconds. Could happen to any of us (except the superior parents in here teaching their kids to swim as soon as they’re conceived!).

it’s a lesson learned with the vests - but you wouldn’t have known. You got him up and he was fine.

the images are horrible aren’t they. I still have a few from various accidents where they’ve fallen and hurt themselves. It will pass. Concentrate on the happy images and it will fade.

There are a lot of people here keen to tell you about the incredible swimming abilities of their toddlers.

The reality is that drowning isn't the big splashy affair of films. It's quiet and it can happen in just a few inches of water. I think there's a statistic that most children drown within a few metres of an adult.

But you are on holiday and this is a great opportunity to help him to learn the basics. One of the most important being not to panic so the best thing you can do is try and put it behind you (at least in front of him).

We all have a 'what if' moment. The point is you were there and did react in time.