Feeling awful about son's accident in the pool

[Lolarose999]

We're on holiday at the moment.. Me, DH, and DS3.

I've never panicked so much and the guilt is killing me.

I was sat in the baby pool with DS, who had a zip up life vest on.. we were playing catch, when I heard DH shout from the pool side bar asking me what side I wanted with my lunch. I turned my head to the side to shout over my response, so didnt leave the pool..This interaction was 10-15 seconds tops.

When i turned back around, DS was on his back, the vest had lifted his chest and legs upwards, but his head was under the water. From seeing and getting him out, I was maybe 2 arms lengths away, and had him up so quick.

I feel so awful, the guilt is eating away at me. He was absolutely hysterical. Hes been checked over by the life guard and also by the hotel doctor, and is thankfully fine. But its the image in my mind that's sticking with me, the fear. The thought of seeing him with such panic. I keep crying thinking how its all my fault, how scared he must have been.

Not an aibu, but just feel so incredibly guilty and hoping he forgets this happened, even if it sticks with me for a long time.

Arm bands are great. He’ll forgot this.
I remember forgetting to strap DD into her pushchair. I went down a path, she fell out so quick that I pushed the buggy over her as she was curled in a ball. She wasn’t hurt. I cried for days.

My boy learnt to swim IN my womb. He’s just very talented like that.

Every parent (unless they’re very lucky or very smug) has one or two of these moments…moments they play over and over in their heads and shudder at what might have been. Luckily for the vast majority of us it is just a horrible memory and no harm done and the kids don’t even remember.

Lots here preaching about swimming lessons…we did some and they were okay but some kids were so scared about being forced to do stuff in the water they didn’t feel confident about that it was very counterproductive. I used to take ours to the local pool, in the shallows, and we’d mess around - they’d dive for sinkies and lo and behold started “swimming”. Followed it up with a two week pool holiday and they were wrinkled prunes the whole time. Each to their own but allowing ours to become confident at their own pace was much more productive for us.

Unfortunately as you have learnt the hard way you have to watch them every second. When DDs were 3/4 we were watching them in the hotel toddler pool (waist height) and a little friend they’d made managed to upend herself in a ring face down and stuck. Luckily we were right there so immediately righted her. Her parents were on sunbeds right next to the pool but were reading not watching.

Best to outnumber them as well if you can!! But appreciate of course that’s not always possible. We were fortunate when ours were circa 3-7 we went away in a 4-2 adult to children ratio with family and it was bare minimum requirement imo 😂

He was quite famous for vanishing, but that was the worst. We didn't have a very large supply of willing babysitters.

Keeping him alive until adulthood was a genuine achievement.

I have never, ever lost the other child !

I don’t think telling the OP about your kids swimming achievements are going to make her feel better. There’s a time and place. Ffs.

teach him to swim and float. The life vest is giving you a false sense of security.
In France where we are children learn to swim at school at 3. It’s compulsory!

Bless you, what a shock.

i wouldn’t worry about it at all.

i have a clear memory of my Dr cousin having to dive into the pool on holiday to rescue her son from the villa swimming pool. She was an anxious mother having already lost one child (to congenital illness) and it happened to her.

Mine definitely couldn’t swim at 3 btw, one of them had a massive aversion to it (turns out she’s autistic and it was a sensory thing). It took private lessons when she was 9 for her to eventually get there.

Absolute bullshit - I have never known a 3 year old who could swim 🙄

Definitely not common! Most start lessons around school time

I had several heart stopping moments with my eldest when they were 2 / 3. They were very impulsive, later diagnosed with ADHD. One involved a fall down the stairs, one an attempted road crossing and another was my fault entirely (well they all were in their own way) when I slipped on some rocks carrying them - I consciously allowed myself to sustain a lots of cuts and grazes to make sure their injuries were minimal (which fortunately they were - just a small bump). DC used to talk about the latter for a good while afterwards but then one day just had no memory of it anymore.

They are 25 now and all in one piece!

As long as you learn from it, as I'm sure you will, all's well that ends well. The positive spin is you saved his life.

Well that's really helpful toffeepennie, good for you, maybe a bit of helpful advice rather than gloating at how wonderful you and your children are. FFS.

ha ha - this made me laugh. I’m sure we all have tales like this.

I hope OP @Lolarose999will see that we’re all (well not all of course) normal mums trying our best!

That's exactly what I was thinking they are bouancy aids, not life jackets, they have a warning that the child isn't to be left unattended or something.

Neither arm bands or swim rings put the child into a good position for swimming, as Op has discovered the bouancy jackets lets the kids float on their front to practice swimming. You can also remove the floats as they get better at swimming.

How does that help the child hold their head up?

I have a similar story and I am actually a parent who watches their kids like a hawk around water! Big jacuzzi hot tub thing, I was sat on the side, 3 kids in it and despite watching, my youngest just slipped under the water. It was only a few seconds probably but they were under and I had to scramble to get them out. It terrified me. Don’t beat yourself up, you were there and with your ds and he is not harmed

Have they been trained in every single life ending/ changing scenario or just swimming ?

It was an accident. Your son is fine. You’ll keep this with you forever but he will forget it. Many of us have done things that have ended up with our children actually injured. I could give you a catalogue of accidents my lot have had.

Tomorrow, make sure you get back in that pool. Do not let this scare you into not going back in.

I’d definitely book swimming lessons for when you’re home but you can help him learn how to float whilst you’re away.

Enjoy the rest of your holiday x

Utter nonsense.Neither of mine started lessons before four. I think DS2 was five because there was a waiting list. None of their friends had lessons before they started school.

Do people seriously think that most DC start swimming lessons at 2?!!!

Good for you. Clap clap

Op don't beat yourself up.
Get him back in the pool tomorrow don't let fear either yourself or his take over.

Keep using the bouancy aid, but remember its a bouancy aid, not a lifesaving device.

These things happen, my lovely.

As you said yourself, he was supervised at all times and the incident lasted for less than 30 seconds. You're not a bad parent at all. Please be kind to yourself about this, and try not to feel too guilty 💙

When DD was 4.5, we were staying with friends with a pool. She'd had swimming lessons and was at a depth she could stand up in. She was playing with a rubber ring and I still don't know how it happened but suddenly she was upside down in it, head under water, bum in the air and couldn't right herself. As she flailed trying to turn over she propelled herself away from me, thankfully towards another parent who I shouted to and who turned her right way up. It was probably 5 to 10 seconds. But I'll never forget how suddenly difficult it seemed to be to move through the water as I tried to reach her or how long the moment was as the other parent worked out what was going on.

Op... honestly you not a bad parent. My dd didn't learn to swim until 5/6 but two years were due to covid and closure of the pool. It's very rare a child of 3 learns and tbh has lessons in the real world. You were right there next to him. Ditch the vest. My dd learnt via everyone active and they used discs. Try and get the image out of your head and move forward re this. Be kind to yourself xxx

Now’s not the time to showcase your children’s swimming talent…

Not many 3 year olds can swim or would know what to do in that situation!

Crappy life vest though.

Come off it.

Utterly ridiculous to make the OP feel like a ceap parent for not ensuring her three year old is capable of doing ten lengths 🙄In the real world most children are taking lessons once they’ve started school. Hope you’re feeling ok OP.

Taking a baby to formal swimming lessons is a fucking collosal waste of money. 3 is the very earliest I'd start.