Feeling awful about son's accident in the pool

[Lolarose999]

We're on holiday at the moment.. Me, DH, and DS3.

I've never panicked so much and the guilt is killing me.

I was sat in the baby pool with DS, who had a zip up life vest on.. we were playing catch, when I heard DH shout from the pool side bar asking me what side I wanted with my lunch. I turned my head to the side to shout over my response, so didnt leave the pool..This interaction was 10-15 seconds tops.

When i turned back around, DS was on his back, the vest had lifted his chest and legs upwards, but his head was under the water. From seeing and getting him out, I was maybe 2 arms lengths away, and had him up so quick.

I feel so awful, the guilt is eating away at me. He was absolutely hysterical. Hes been checked over by the life guard and also by the hotel doctor, and is thankfully fine. But its the image in my mind that's sticking with me, the fear. The thought of seeing him with such panic. I keep crying thinking how its all my fault, how scared he must have been.

Not an aibu, but just feel so incredibly guilty and hoping he forgets this happened, even if it sticks with me for a long time.

No, she isn’t

Genuinely no idea how to answer that

Our local authority pool offered lessons but these were expensive, at inconvenient times and had a long waiting list.

Then we discovered the same pool was booked every Saturday and Sunday morning from 8am to 10am by a local swimming club. It was non-competitve, focused on technique and fun games and had classes for age 5 to 18. My children all attended from 5 to around 13 years and though they're adults now, they can still power up and and down a pool very confidently in every stroke.

We always booked the 8am classes and got the swimming done and out of the way before it clashed with any other activities. It just became part of the family routine for a decade or so, which is quite amazing looking back.....!

Might it be worth checking in case your local area has anything similar?

Read the room

OP, another person here to say try not to beat yourself up, most of us have had a horrible “what if” moment (I certainly have) and I can say the ghastly feeling does lessen with time X

I have seen in the US as pools in gardens are more common they have lessons for very small babies & teach them how to float & save themselves. I live opposite a prep school they have a company which is open to the public with baby child swimming lessons well attended.

I used to drive myself mad when stuff happened to my kids like that, I went to wipe water off my glasses and my son fell under the bath water and although I got him straight out he was freaked out. It's natural to beat yourself up. Your son is ok that's the important thing to think.

OP i do hope you are feeling better today. I totally understand how you must have been feeling, these type of learning opportunities can be very frightening. Why not take the time whilst on holiday to teach your DS how to float on his back, how to calm his breathing and just float.

When my DS was 5 and my DD was 4 we went on holiday and i took them for an early morning walk around the pools, to understand the layout etc. DS asked if he could go in the children's pool, I agreed, saw no issue in it.
He slipped on the bottom and was under water panicking, splashing about, really very frightening. I jumped in, fully dressed, and soon had him floating on his back. At which point the conversation went something like, When you go swimming, which end of the pool do you get in at? The deep end mum. How many swimming certificates have you got on your bedroom wall? 5! said very proudly! So you know how to float on your back? Yes; So why are you panicking in a pool that only comes up to just over your waist? and you could probably sit on the bottom off? The first rule to remember when you fall in a pool is that you know how to float, then when your a bit calmer you'll remember that you can swim!! "Oh YEAH"
I share this, because for the rest of the holiday i watched them both like hawks. He did spend a lot of time just floating on his back, and helping his sister to do the same. DS is now 30 and really doesn't remember much about that holiday at all! Your story brought back that panic feeling i had at the time.
Good luck with the swimming lessons, they will definitely help, but sometimes they forget!!

Your not a bad parent. Some places ban these vests for a reason. They give off such a false security. It's very easily done. Going forward I'd recommend lessons so he won't panic as much next time. My first child was able to float onto their back from about 6 months old as we went to baby lessons. I couldn't afford these lessons with my second (it more than doubled in 3 years) so I just took him to the pool myself. We would play a lot and practice getting in and out of the pool, holding onto the side of the pool or floating on his back. Getting their face wet and learning them to be calm.

Oh my lovely, it was an accident. You’re a lovely, super mum who put their child in a life jacket to make sure they were safe but an accident happened. You will move on from this. When my children were little I used to come on here and relay my worries and seek reassurance but to be honest, it wasn’t always the best thing to do because sometimes I’d feel worse! Some people can be kind but sometimes you’ll get a telling off and it won’t be helpful. I see people are saying your 3 year old should know how to float, you shouldn’t have turned your head etc…but you don’t know these people and in real life, you might not actually like them very much and wouldn’t want their advice anyway! Have a glass of wine and give yourself a break. Sending lots of love xx

Come to the thread quite late and have just read the first page but dear me what a horrible turn the thread has taken so quickly. A shocked and guilt ridden mother is told her child should be having swimming lessons so it’s basically her fault and she’s nodding and agreeing.

OP get swimming lessons sorted by all means, but this is NOT your fault for not having already done so. He had a buoyancy aid on and you were quite rightly supervising him nonetheless as you are supposed to, you just had a moment’s inattention and it was just one of those unfortunate things. And bloody hell you’ve clearly learnt from it and don’t need people to bang on about what you’ve learnt.

Some of posts are disgusting in their preachy superiority about their children’s swimming lessons. You know what? 3 year olds who are having swimming lessons can have accidents too.

You don’t need to pay for swimming lessons. Parents can teach the child . What do you think we did for hundreds of thousands of years before some bright spark decided they could get money out of people for teaching kids something anyone can do?
It’s not rocket science . It’s just time. Take baby swimming at 3 months on and they’re swimming like fish by a year

Why are you setting out what could happen, and telling OP how long 15 seconds is, when she has literally just experienced first hand what can happen and how long 15 seconds is? I mean really, why? Read the room. The OP understands more than anyone on this thread what the dangers are, that’s why she’s here! She’s teaching us the lesson if anything. Jesus…

All these kids who can swim at 3 years old? How? None of mine could swim at that age (I don't think lessons even started till age 4) and now at 15 DS is a strong swimmer. Making the OP feel crap because her DC isn't a budding Olympic medalist or something is not constructive. Main thing is to act on the experience now.

If this life jacket is so dangerous and poorly designed. Why is is it still being sold?

Someone should report it to Trading Standards.

As for the OP.

You had a bit of a hard lesson to learn but you sound really upset and I'm think you have really learned your lesson.

Try and put it behind you now. And start enjoying life with you family again.

You have probably also warned a lot women on MN about the dangers of these so called swim aids.

So well done!

No, our local community pool and lakes.

Have you thought about writing to the manufacturers?

Because its not a life jacket, its a buoyancy aid, designed to help support body weight while the person swims.
Kids ones always say 'Use under supervision'

A life jacket will flip someone onto there back, but it would be impossible to swim in a life jacket.

Gosh you learnt something there didn’t you, something useful for @Lolarose999 and many others on the thread - that swimming lessons do not a perfect parent make! (I’m not saying you thought you were a perfect parent btw).

A 5 year old, no matter how many swimming certificates they’ve got, should never be in water that deep without an adult in the water with them. Don’t over-rely on lessons (something the sanctimonious brigade on this thread would do well to remember). Well done for acting swiftly though and I appreciate it was ages ago.

I have no clue what you're on about..? So, no that's not me

Oh my god that must have been traumatic for your dad to see you like that, I can only imagine

Do you know how long you were under?

I had a similar experience when my DD was 3, she was in a rubber ring, and I looked away for all of 2/3 seconds and she was under water. I can still picture her with her eyes open, under water - you’ll remember it for a long time, but i don’t think she does as she’s an absolute water baby now and has never mentioned it!
As others have said, it makes you all the more careful going forwards - I don’t like taking my eyes off my kids in the water now, and they’re now 10 and 13!

It would scare you 🥹but in all honesty it probably didn’t scare him at all .
please don’t panic or beat yourself up about it .
the flotation jacket doesn’t sound safe at all , I’d be in contact with the manufacturer/ seller .
I was never taken to any swim lessons as a child , in fact my parents never took us to anything .
Put arm bands on us on our rare UK holidays as a child and weren’t even in the pool with us 😳 lazy parenting at its finest back then .
I am a very poor swimmer indeed and won’t get out of my depth ever .
So as a result of that I made sure to take my oldest as a toddler ( not a baby ) to swim lessons where you get in the pool with them and they learn to be “ like a starfish “ and float .
Learning the actual swimming strokes isn’t till older .
From age 3ish they graduated to going in independently with instructors who supervised closely .
i did the same with all my children , the youngest wasn’t happy but with a very kind and patient instructor she became safe .