AIBU to insist my parents book a hotel for their visit?

[WalkBackwards]

We have moved house recently and our parents have been wanting to visit. We have said they can but that they will have to book a hotel as the spare bedrooms aren’t ready yet, or they can wait another couple of months and everything will be done in the house so they can then stay with us.

They asked if there are beds in the spare rooms, which there are, so they suggested one of our children (adult and teenager) could sleep in there and they could have their room. I said no as the spare rooms are messy and being used for storage. They have now messaged our children to ask if they mind sleeping in another room so they can have their bedroom. I called my mum and told her not to do that, we had said no and if they want to visit, they need to get a hotel or wait.

Were we unreasonable to say no to this? My parents plan to visit for 2 weeks at the start of September. My oldest child is only here til just after they plan to leave as he is going back to uni and my teenager needs her own space for studying as she is starting year 13.

I'd be really annoyed that they'd gone behind my back and contacted my dc after saying no

What's the hurry? Why can't they wait?

Very rude of them to try and override you by going behind your back and asking the children after you'd already said no. On that basis, YANBU.

You clearly aren’t close at all
so yes…. Keep at arm’s length

Your Mum sounds like a right cheeky cow out her in her place and say no!!!! Where on earth does she get off messaging your kids asking them to move out their rooms!!!
100% absolutely no chance

You gave them two very fair options and they ignored those, suggested something that only suits them better.

Totally unacceptable to then attempt to emotionally blackmail their grandchildren. I’d tell the invitation is now on hold pending an apology.

Kind of thing my mother would do. The words 'tonne' and 'bricks' figured prominently in the description my dc gave of my response.

What on earth is wrong with them?! Why can't they just wait until the spare room is ready? They sound selfish and entitled.

They want to visit before our son goes back to university as they won’t see him until at least Xmas.

But would I be right in thinking you perhaps aren’t close to them? And this behaviour isn’t… a shock?

I would say we are close. We used to live near them so I think they are genuinely missing us. We miss them but we are busy with work and trying to get the house sorted.

MN is like another world to me sometimes.

I guess it depends on family dynamics, and how much you want to see people.
In our family DC would always bunk together so family didn’t have to shell out for an expensive hotel stay. Why does a room have to be ‘ready’? If it has beds, why can’t someone sleep in there, it’s just somewhere to sleep?
I would never put family out and make them pay for a hotel, and I don’t know anyone else who wouldn’t let them stay either.
Your DM is probably thinking the same, hence her asking DC. No, she shouldn’t have don’t that, but is clearly thinking, as there are beds, she doesn’t want to pay for a hotel.

How big a job is it really to move boxes to allow someone to sleep in that bed? You seem to have four able bodied adults / almost adults in the house, could it really not be sorted enough for them to have a bed in an hour or two?

Why would they need to visit for two weeks, that's an insane amount of time to stay with someone?

Couldn't they just stay for a night or two, and you put an airbed up in the storage room for them?

When we moved to our house, the spare bed hadn't arrived so parents booked a local B&B. It worked very well. No thanks to Bensons for Beds for the second major cockup in a couple of weeks.

They could sleep in there then if it’s just somewhere to sleep. They won’t though.

My children need their bedrooms which I have explained.

And if they come in early September and stay in a hotel, they CAN see him.

Right, but why can't the rooms be sorted enough for a visitor instead of the kids? Surely they just need a bed, ideally a place to stand and dress / live out of the suitcase? Can they just come for a long weekend?

They want to visit, but two weeks in a hotel would be very expensive. You've said they won't stay in the spare room, but have you actually told them that's the only alternative option.

We would do that I’d my parents would sleep in there, but my children don’t want to sleep in there. My son is going back to uni soon so wants to make the most of home whilst he is here. He also has his GF staying over a lot at the moment as he will have to leave her again when he goes back to uni. My daughter needs her room to study, she needs her PC, her notes, textbooks etc and that would be harder if they are using her room.

I suggested my parents that they sleep in the spare room but they didn’t want to.

Right in that case, if you are genuinely close (although I suspect your version of “close” might be different to mine) - then I’d juggle this to accommodate.

How often do they usually visit?

We are willing to let them sleep in the spare room but they won’t.

We used to live nearer them so they rarely stayed over.

Could your parents not sleep in the spare rooms? I doubt they would mind the mess of theyre being used for storage.

sorry, just seen your update

Sounds like her parents don’t WANT to sleep in the spare room because it’s not “done” (which I take to mean it hasn’t been decorated - there’s a bed but potentially no curtains, bedside tables, lamps etc. and it’s full of boxes). They think it’s good enough for their grandchildren but not for them! Which indeed makes her mum a cheeky fucker.

It's not clear if it's you refusing the spare room, as your OP or the with your follow up.

Let them visit for a couple of days.