AIBU to insist my parents book a hotel for their visit?

[WalkBackwards]

We have moved house recently and our parents have been wanting to visit. We have said they can but that they will have to book a hotel as the spare bedrooms aren’t ready yet, or they can wait another couple of months and everything will be done in the house so they can then stay with us.

They asked if there are beds in the spare rooms, which there are, so they suggested one of our children (adult and teenager) could sleep in there and they could have their room. I said no as the spare rooms are messy and being used for storage. They have now messaged our children to ask if they mind sleeping in another room so they can have their bedroom. I called my mum and told her not to do that, we had said no and if they want to visit, they need to get a hotel or wait.

Were we unreasonable to say no to this? My parents plan to visit for 2 weeks at the start of September. My oldest child is only here til just after they plan to leave as he is going back to uni and my teenager needs her own space for studying as she is starting year 13.

I think youve hit the nail on the head with this post. And before others ask, yes,I have read all the OP’s posts. Mumsnet really is like a parallel universe to the one I live in when it comes to parents and in laws.

I don't think the Op has to take responsibility for the more far out responses.

It was an obvious vent of frustration and a bit of sense check - unsurprising given moving house is considered on of the most stressful events after death and divorce.
And then throw building work in to the mix.

And why would the kids have to move rooms anyway? If you did it that way at all it would make more sense for your parents to stay in the unfurnished spare rooms

So they actually don’t want to stay that much. They only want to stay in a way that suits them. Seems pretty selfish to me. You have offered a solution, they don’t like it and have tried to manipulate your children into fitting in with them. That’s not on. Stick to your guns. Your almost adult children need their space.

I don’t think it’s rude for the GP’s to want to see their GS before he goes back to uni! The timing is admittedly a bit shite but sometimes the stars don’t align as we would like them to and we just have to make the best of it. They can’t postpone the work being done and DS’s uni start can’t be changed. Personally I’d roll my eyes, grumble to DH and just make it work without a hotel but if the OP can’t do that then that’s fine and up to her. For me part of the joy of visiting people and have people visit is the stopping over. Sitting in your pjs watching telly in the evening, having breakfast together.

I disagree completely.

You say you'd never put family out, but can't you see that's exactly what OPs mum is trying to do - put out her daughter, SiL and grandchildren?! It's not like she hasn't been invited - just asked to wait a bit until they're set up for people staying - not an unreasonable request. And the youngest is entering an intense period at school and needs space for homework etc.

As for going behind her daughter's back and going to the kids directly to try and over-ride her - big fat no! Bloody cheeky mare. How dare she. My mum pulls this type of stunt regularly and it pisses me off (expecting them to return from uni mid term to help her after I've explained they're half way down the country)

My family is like this, we all just squeeze in and make it work. I’d never ask family to book a hotel in these circumstances, I’d must
just move some boxes and make space. Wanting to see ds before uni is a nice thing.

we just had guests stay so dd3 gave her room up as her bed becomes a double, she slept on an airbed and dd2 was on a camp bed in the very small study so dnephew could have a bed in the room next to his parents. Is it super convenient? No, but we make it work.

Did you not read that the OP’s parents can’t stay in a room with boxes?

Yes - but your family is obviously the squeeze in together type whereas OP's parents are clearly not. It would be easy if it were a couple of nights but OP's parents refuse to come for fewer than 14 nights because 3 hours is "so far" in their 60s 🙄

OP is in the middle of a world of stress

• recently moved house
• builders in the house
• both her and DH working from home in the chaos
• ds off to uni
• dd starting final A level year

OP's parents are very picky and choosing to add to the stress by refusing to compromise on time (has to be a fortnight) or room standard (has to meet their specifications)

• turned down making do in the spare room - not up to their standards
• turned down OPs room - don't want to get up for 7.30 for the builders
• turned down the husband's garden office that has a bed, power and water - won't stay in a shed

OP - having just set up her dd's room for her studies doesn't want to force her out of her quiet place to study for the first weeks of term and force her to camp in the spare room without full access to text books, clothes, desk etc. DS is off to uni and will need access to his room to pack.

Read it. Pompous response..

It wouldn’t matter if my folks had said they’d kip in the messy spare room rammed with stuff… not a CHANCE my two teens would have allowed it! Both would have insisted gran and gramps room took their room.

so they wont stay in a soare room they wont accept an airbnb so theyre not coming then

Then why suggest they take the OP’s bedroom?

I have to say in sympathy with PPs I too interpreted what you wrote as the parents asking if they could stay in the spare room, suspect it is a mental leap suggested by the 'is there a bed in there'? But totally understand you didn't actually say that!

I think the air bnb is the only option left. If they say no to that I'd say ok well will see you in December then (or relevant month) when tje house is ready. You've offered them all the solutions, if they don't take them up that si entirely on them not you. They need to decide what matters most to them, nd if missing all of you and seeing you soon is important they will have to compromise.

NB all my 60+ years old relatives are the same, fuss and dither because they have an idea in their heads of what should happen and if it doesn't they are unhappy. Except my parents actually who are quite happy to just tell you they are unhappy very decisively!

For 2 weeks as they were starting school? I’d never do this to my children or grandchildren when there’s a spare room, really weird

I don’t understand your parents thinking. Why would a teenagers bedroom be more comfortable than a guest room waiting to be decorated.
Maybe if you move the stuff you’re storing in the spare room out to the summer house?
You are not being unreasonable, your title sounded like you might be but you aren’t. Maybe the negative responses haven’t read your whole post.

If a 3 hour drive is too much for them, why not do this

They drive for an hour, stay overnight.

Drive for an hour, stay overnight.

Drive for an hour, get to yours and stay for 3 nights.

Same in reverse.

Make a holiday out of it without inconveniencing you and getting in the way too much. They could find a nice B&B (not an AirBnB where the owners expect you to do cleaning for them and goodness knows what else).

We live about 3 hours from our daughter and her family. We regularly visit for long weekends, she lives in a popular touristy area but I can't imagine spending 2 weeks, it's not as if the local attractions are going to vanish before our next visit. We used to stay in their spare room until children came along and we now book into a budget hotel close by, have breakfast there and go back before the kids bedtime routine starts (they're at an age where Granny and Grandad being around is an exciting distraction 😊)

This!!!

The fact that the majority of people seem to think it’s okay to make their parents get a hotel, there are beds in the rooms.

The kids can sleep there, or share a room or the lounge. Yet on MN there are a lot of people lamenting the fact they don’t get enough help from grandparents.

I think it’s shameful how you are treating them and so very strange.

If your parents are definitely coming, I would ask your 13 year old to move into the spare room with boxes for two weeks.