AIBU to insist my parents book a hotel for their visit?

[WalkBackwards]

We have moved house recently and our parents have been wanting to visit. We have said they can but that they will have to book a hotel as the spare bedrooms aren’t ready yet, or they can wait another couple of months and everything will be done in the house so they can then stay with us.

They asked if there are beds in the spare rooms, which there are, so they suggested one of our children (adult and teenager) could sleep in there and they could have their room. I said no as the spare rooms are messy and being used for storage. They have now messaged our children to ask if they mind sleeping in another room so they can have their bedroom. I called my mum and told her not to do that, we had said no and if they want to visit, they need to get a hotel or wait.

Were we unreasonable to say no to this? My parents plan to visit for 2 weeks at the start of September. My oldest child is only here til just after they plan to leave as he is going back to uni and my teenager needs her own space for studying as she is starting year 13.

Well that's tough shit.They have two options - spare room or nothing.

I'd remind them that room is available to them and that's the only offer they'll be getting.

Why won't they sleep in the spare room? This is really confusing.

They want to visit.
So they stay in the spare room.

What's the actual problem?

We have said they can sleep in there and we will sort it out enough for them to do so, but they won’t.

We are only about 3 hours from them but they see this as a big journey and wouldn’t do it for just a long weekend.

What does "ready" mean? If there are beds in there but the room is otherwise full of boxes, that should be fine for a guest unless they are being unreasonably precious.

Going behind your back was massively out of order and I agree with PP. Visit on hold unless an apology is forthcoming.

I'd personally rescind even the offer of the spare room because you know of taken, they'd turn up and try to guilt trip the children into swapping.

When was the last time they visited? How regularly do they visit?

Will the hotel have catering facilities or will be coming to you for lunch and dinner every day?

They’re quite ‘formal’ with high standards. They wouldn’t be able to ‘rough it’ for a couple of weeks.

Sounds like confusion, so they think there isn't a bed in the room, because you said it wasn't ready. So they want to sleep in an actual bed.

Just clarify that there will be a room with a bed in it for them, and say that 4 nights or something is the maximum

I assume that there's some massive backstory about you not getting on and them also not being happy about you moving away, because this just sounds like a non event otherwise.

They turn up, if they don't like the room very much then they stay for less time

My mum would do that too, then tell me she had solved the problem for me. 😂🤦🏼‍♀️
She loves going over my head to my children. 🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️
Never been sure if it's deliberate trolling or just that she's oblivious to other people's needs and preferences.
Not wrong to say no to her.
It would only be wrong to mandate a hotel if your parents can't afford it. In this case, I'd offer to book and pay, or put them in the spare room themselves.

We used to see them every couple of weeks but we lived closer to them so they didn’t stay over often.

They would be welcome to be here in the daytime but we work from home. They could have dinner with us every evening but we wouldn’t be sitting down to have lunch with them as we generally just eat something at our desk.

YANBU

You've given them several reasonable choices.

They have ignored the choices and you, because they thought they knew better and tried to bully or guilt your children because a 'not done' spare room isn't good enough for them.

Two weeks when they are only 3hrs away is insane - that's for people coming from overseas.

I wouldn't feel bad about putting them off until things are ready - and because I'm me, that could be a long while.

No, they know there is a bed. We told them there was a bed when they asked and that’s when they suggested one of our children sleep in there.

Seems strange to me if you are close. I would let them stay but make sure they understand the rooms aren't ready and maybe all they have is a bed in there

So… this trip is a big event for them? They don’t tend to travel long distance and you won’t be seeing them often.

So it’s not only a hotel… they’ll be having to sort themself out and pay for lunch every day and then drive to you for dinner every night and then drive back to the hotel?

This

I would not want them having to drive here every day for dinner

and then… mooch in their hotel room all day

They see the journey as very long. We have moved to a popular and picturesque place so they plan to explore meaning a 2 week holiday for them.

I would rather sleep under a bridge myself, than suggest my parents book a hotel.

Well if it's a holiday for them, then a hotel is perfect.

They are welcome to be here all day. They are welcome to sleep in the spare room but they won’t. They will go out most days and explore the area so they won’t be stuck in a hotel room.

I think it sounds like your parents don’t respect your boundaries unfortunately

😂 Ok. I must be a terrible daughter for prioritising my children having bedrooms. Mumsnet madness.

OP, 3 hours away is a 2 night stay at the most. I think your parents were totally out of order to message your children. I think our adult children would explode if we tried this!
Personally, I don’t understand anybody who has regular visitors staying or stays regularly at someone’s house, no matter how close they are. When does anyone ever get anything done? It is just so cloying. I always prefer to stay in an hotel and do so even if we have been offered accommodation and it is person we are close to. It gives you and the host a bit of space during the day. Our only regular visitors are when the grandchildren stay in the school holidays but they are welcome anytime.

What was the point of this thread Op?

How did your kids respond to their grandparents messages?

As an alternative, would you consider visiting them as a family just for a day trip, say meet them an hour from where they live for a family lunch? They get to 'see' the grandchildren, travel is manageable for both parties and everyone sleeps in their own bed.

By Xmas your spare room will be sorted.