AIBU to insist my parents book a hotel for their visit?

[WalkBackwards]

We have moved house recently and our parents have been wanting to visit. We have said they can but that they will have to book a hotel as the spare bedrooms aren’t ready yet, or they can wait another couple of months and everything will be done in the house so they can then stay with us.

They asked if there are beds in the spare rooms, which there are, so they suggested one of our children (adult and teenager) could sleep in there and they could have their room. I said no as the spare rooms are messy and being used for storage. They have now messaged our children to ask if they mind sleeping in another room so they can have their bedroom. I called my mum and told her not to do that, we had said no and if they want to visit, they need to get a hotel or wait.

Were we unreasonable to say no to this? My parents plan to visit for 2 weeks at the start of September. My oldest child is only here til just after they plan to leave as he is going back to uni and my teenager needs her own space for studying as she is starting year 13.

@Homemerge stop being a pita!

I’m guessing you’re not close? I had my parents to stay admittedly only for one night and we put them in our bed and we had a mattresses on the floor of an un decorated bedroom with no carpet! And TBH would happily have done it for longer if needs be. I’d move heaven and earth to spend time with people!

When are they visiting? What is your daughter studying for?

You are being totally reasonable. Two weeks is way too long to stay with anyone. Very manipulative to go to your children and try to override you.
We all know our limits and are all stressed by different things, to add the chaos of two visitors for two weeks would have me feeling stressed by trying to please too many people, cater for to many people and be on duty the entire time.
We go regularly to visit my daughter and don’t stay with them, we have a selection of very local Airbnbs we use. It means we leave after dinner is cleared up, we each have some down time and they haven’t got to juggle rooms.

Personally I’d have my parents In my bedroom
and I’d be in the spare room
but hey… different family dynamic 🤷‍♀️

Two weeks is too long for any house guest I think.

Why cant they just sleep in the spare room if there is a bed there?

I doubt you have many visitors going by your attitude on this thread. Hard work.

Again this has been spoken about and explained by op

Why do your parents want to visit whilst you are having your ensuite replaced? Won't this mean six adults sharing one bathroom? Or are the rooms all ensuite? It seems the worst time to visit, for fussy people.

If your parents refuse to sleep in the spare room, what will happen another time? If they visit at Christmas your DC still will not want to vacate their rooms.

It’s just not something that they would do. I’m like your mum and would sleep anywhere. For the first 2 weeks of us being here, my husband and I slept on sofas as our new bed didn’t arrive on time and we had got rid of our old one. My mum thought this was terrible.

I think if you agree to the two week stay this will be the duration of future visits as well. Is that what you want OP ?

It has jumped up a lot from a day visit only
(when you lived closer) to a two week stay !

Oh I’ve just read through properly, they either stay in the spare room or get a hotel. All sounds like hard work.

It sounds as though they are close and they want to see the new house and their grandson before he goes to university. That's understandable.
Are they struggling foe money? Can they afford a hotel?

There are other bathrooms.

By Christmas all the work on the house will be complete so the spare rooms will be up to their standard. Hopefully. 😬😂

It is quite an old fashioned idea to kick children out of their rooms when visitors come. It belongs to theera of children should be seen and not heard. When my kids were at home I did not have room for my mother to stay so she slept on a sofa bed downstairs. My mother did not approve and told me that when we were young we were expected to double up in our beds for visitors. I told her yes, I hated it and that is why my children would not be doing the same.

Hello, you are getting a really hard time here, I think most people are missing is that they want to come for two whole weeks. both sets of our parents are over age 70 and live 2 to 3 hours away and come for the weekend stay two nights and then leave. I wouldn’t want houseguests for more than a few nights. Two weeks is a lot. Three hours away is not a long journey, and if they don’t like driving they can get a train.

You could suggest this stay at yours for the first two nights and then have two or three nights in a hotel and then get themselves home. I presume you and your partner Work, and having houseguests is stressful whilst working.

Yes! Yes! All people who don't respect boundaries, should go to hotels! Those who do not respect geographical boundaries, are already in hotels, and those who do not respect psychological boundaries, must go there too!

What's wrong with the spare room that means they can't sleep there? I find it so odd that they'd rather sleep in one of your DC's room!

YANBU btw

Agree the bedroom thing is a bit of red herring.

Your parents are insisting on visiting for two weeks at a really busy time, with work on the house, preparing for uni and both working full time.

you need to just say two weeks won't work but a few days will be fine

We are fine with them staying. Although they do have high standards 😬, they are really lovely company and everything will be fine once the house is all done.
They have struggled with us moving away and we are trying to be understanding of that.

I will speak to them again and see if they will be happy for me to book them an Airbnb as my son and his gf have been looking and found a lovely one with availability.

@WalkBackwards : The spare rooms aren’t ready, so ideally we’d like you to come when they are. If you come now, you’ll have to stay in a hotel.

Parents: are there beds in your spare rooms?

@WalkBackwards: yes, but they’re very messy and being used for storage, which is why I have said you’ll need to wait or stay in a hotel. I guess you can stay in a guest room if you don’t mind roughing it a bit?

Parents: what about one of the teens staying there and we kip in their room?

@WalkBackwards : No, the rooms aren’t properly set up and that’s not fair to them. You can choose to be uncomfortable, if you like, but there’s no reason for them to be uncomfortable when you can just come later or stay in a hotel.

They sound like they’re in their 80s not their 60s!

Oh for God's sake. The OP has explained that they are getting a new ensuite fitted, when the parents want to stay and it's a 7.30 start. The parents won't get up for that time. The DD is back at school and her room is set up for her to get ready/study etc in. The son has his GF staying. There is only room in the spare room, or they go to a hotel.

OP, I really do understand parents stuck in their ways and how hard it is to get through to them without feeling rude

Mum was as bad. The storm of last winter ment we had no heating or electricity for 10 days. me and he, fully mobile so whilst uncomfortable , survivable. Mum was 85 , so I found an air bnb in an area where power was restored, would she go??

Worrying about her caused me more stress then anything those 10 days

Howabout a compromise for this one time? You as a family go down there and stay overnight in an Airbnb so your parents have plenty of time with DS before he heads for uni and then invite them for Christmas for 3 or 4 days? And perhaps a week at easter to go the sight seeing when the weather is better?

Set the amount of days mind. When we lived in London. we invited mum and Step dad for christmas - thinking Christmas Eve to day after Boxing Day. still there 2 days later, we were flying to visit his for new years, and we had to pack our case, get them to drop as at the airport on their way home and jumped on a train home ourselves