At what point does this sort of ‘low effort’ message from a partner become acceptable in a relationship?

[Priylea]

Been seeing someone for a few months and we are essentially boyfriend and girlfriend. Staying at each others houses at weekends etc.

Earlier, we were messaging about plans for tomorrow night.

He just sent:

“Curry and a shag ??”

He was being deadly serious, it’s only when I told him I didn’t appreciate that language he then said it was a joke and he thought I was being a bit touchy.

So my question is - would you find this acceptable in your relationship, and would you have found it acceptable after a few months of dating someone?

Well that might be your way of going on but some of us like to be treated with a bit of TLC.

I would have dumped him as well.

How old is he and what was the other crude message?

I think we all like to be treated well - it's just some of us don't take offense from the language he used and some of us do - it's got nothing to do with how we like to be treated. Actions speak louder than words.

@IndestructibleRubberplants it's just some of us don't take offense from the language he used and some of us do - it's got nothing to do with how we like to be treated.
I think we'll have to agree to differ on that one !

In his 30’s.

I had been on a long walk with a friend and said I was knackered and looking forward to sitting on the sofa. He replied to say he could always come round and I could sit on his face instead 😐

That's gross.
He's 30 and talking like a smutty teenager, not good.
Throw this one back OP.

No answer can beat this

If he hadn't phrased it like that, is it likely your evening would involve a curry and a shag? If you hadnt slept together yet then i would be very unimpressed. But if you have spent evenings doing exactly this, then he is calling it as it is. I'd find it funny, it's supposed to be met with an eye roll or a smart comeback. If you are uncomfortable then there is a bit of a mismatch humour wise.

It would have been hilarious if either of you had said that in those circumstances.

You’ve definitely done the right thing.

He’s an idiot with the emotional intelligence of a gnat.

That sense of humour does nothing for me. It would be a deal breaker.

Regardless of his intentions what I'd not appreciate is his reaction to your concerns (saying you are touchy etc). This would be said between me and my husband now as are a bit jokey with each other like that. Perhaps this isn't the man for you OP.

Absolutely - no harm in that!😁

The blighter isn't even offering you food this time!

LTB!!

@StripyShirt "The blighter isn't even offering you food this time!"

Shock horror !😮

That pretty much sums up our humour and even now we're married, we'd both fall about laughing. If you don't have a shared sense of humour it isn't going to work.

Cringeworthy. Time to bin him off then, really.

He'd have something to eat though.

Or is that too crude?

Yes and brings the conversation down to the base level of a stupid teenage boy.

Do they ever grow up? It’s just so gross teenage boy.

I can’t imagine many women enjoying his sense of humour really, especially coming from a guy in his 30s. You’ve done the right thing.

I don't know, how many appreciative reactions for the hilarity are you getting?

Not at 3 months in. Funny much later. Right now he's made a big mistake. Not sure i could let it go.