At what point does this sort of ‘low effort’ message from a partner become acceptable in a relationship?

[Priylea]

Been seeing someone for a few months and we are essentially boyfriend and girlfriend. Staying at each others houses at weekends etc.

Earlier, we were messaging about plans for tomorrow night.

He just sent:

“Curry and a shag ??”

He was being deadly serious, it’s only when I told him I didn’t appreciate that language he then said it was a joke and he thought I was being a bit touchy.

So my question is - would you find this acceptable in your relationship, and would you have found it acceptable after a few months of dating someone?

It is horrific. It is so inelegant and rude. I would be horrified.

I’d be more concerned that he derided your response as you being “touchy”. Your problem, you see.

Expect more of that.

I’d think it was funny, fine and also appealing! Maybe the shag before the curry! Are you a prude or sensitive?!

This happens so often on mumsnet where a single message is analysed to death. It’s really impossible to say as it all depends on the relationship. There’s nothing inherently wrong unless you’re not having sex and don’t like curry. It’s blunt but that’s why I’d find it funny if I was in a good relationship.

😂

I think it is crude and very low bar and I would have to find someone more on my level.

A shag then a curry would make more sense.

Depends on what the rest of the relationship is like?

I'd laugh if I got that message, it's a joke. Saying you don't appreciate the language seems a bit OTT. It sounds like you're incompatible, he'll be on egg shells trying not to offend you and you'll be seeing disrespect where there isn't any. I think it's best you don't waste anymore of his time.

I think its quite funny. If you fancy him you wouldnt be asking for opinions so suggest you move on.

What's wrong with it?

Indeed, I distinctly remember texting DH when we were a few months in that we could do x thing on Friday night then "shag all weekend"

Because you're soooo superior and intellectual.

Huge ick, but I’m just not into that laddish type of humour. There’s someone for everyone, though. I had a boyfriend who would say stuff like this; we were massively incompatible.

with every thrust a squeak comes out 🤣

Text back with "What, at the same time? I'll get biryani all over the place!"

So inane, this is your future OP

No probably not, Just better standards I would say.

The romance part died pretty quick didn't it?!

I have been with my husband since I was barely fifteen, I would say never.

If he sent that text I would assume he’d been mugged and the mugger was texting me from his phone.

Don’t settle for a pig OP, not all men are boyfriend material.

I'd laugh and say "The curry had better be good!"

There are times for subtle seduction and times for getting crudely to the point. If your senses of humour and communication styles are different, the relationship is going to struggle.

My fanny would clamp shut if I good-naturedly propositioned my boyfriend and got a po-faced "I don't appreciate your language" or was called low-effort.

Honestly, you're not a princess and life isn't a fairytale or a romcom. It's ok for both members of a couple to like sex, talk and joke about it and look forward to it. It's 2026, surely most women have moved on from the idea that sex is a precious, mystical gift only given as a reward for 'proper' behaviour.

No thanks. Everyone is different but "shag" makes him sound gross and disrespectful to me.

Not particularly. I just have my standards.