At what point does this sort of ‘low effort’ message from a partner become acceptable in a relationship?

[Priylea]

Been seeing someone for a few months and we are essentially boyfriend and girlfriend. Staying at each others houses at weekends etc.

Earlier, we were messaging about plans for tomorrow night.

He just sent:

“Curry and a shag ??”

He was being deadly serious, it’s only when I told him I didn’t appreciate that language he then said it was a joke and he thought I was being a bit touchy.

So my question is - would you find this acceptable in your relationship, and would you have found it acceptable after a few months of dating someone?

Sounds quite good to me

Wouldn’t do it for me, unless it was tongue in cheek and we both ‘got’ the humour

Several years I'd say and only if you know each others humour.

Nope . Not respectful at all .

Your only 3 months in and this is prime time for people to start getting on each others nerves, the ick setting in and people’s real selves coming in - lots of new relationships don’t make it past this mile stone.

This would have made me feel really underwhelmed and under valued tbh.

Are you still going on dates? Nice walks? Drinks out? Making you feel special? Or is it just camping out at each others ?

Not as many dates as we were. He made a lot of effort to begin with. I’ve been stung in the past so am wary.

Sounds like a pretty good evening to me.

So this is over text? And he told you it was a joke.

But you're insisting he was deadly serious. Why do you think that? How can you be so sure of his tone over text, even when he has tried to reassure you otherwise?

I would find it amusing but I suppose it depends on your relationship.

Well, are you shagging him? If you are shagging him, then this message is absolutely fine in this day and age, when there is no respect.

If it’s your humour then fine. We’ve developed silly references to sex that others might find odd. But then we’ve been together a few years and have a child.

Totally out of the blue and quite early on in the relationship, it’s pretty crude.

That would make me laugh.

Do you like the plan or not?
Or are you miffed that he didn’t write a poem inviting you for a spicy meal, followed by a rather spicy feel 😂

Jesus weeps, that's dismal.

🖕🤡

No

That would be my answer.

3 months in and that's it?

That's no joke and you know it. He's trying to backtrack because you busted him for being as low effort as he could get without being in a medically induced coma.

So long as it’s shag then curry, can’t be having sex on
a full stomach.

It only really matters what you think OP

If that’s not okay with you, then he’s not the one for you. And best to find out sooner than later

I'd need to shag first as curry gives me the farts, so yes, he's being unreasonable.

Sounds like you’ve gone from dating to acting like a married couple very quickly

If you like him tell him you want to go back to doing fun stuff and Curry and a shag isn’t romantic …, your only three months in

I'd take it as funny. Not disrespectful at all.

DP and I have been together 3.5 years and we’ve often messaged like this. It’s more likely to be me doing it!

I’d have responded rather enthusiastically if my (now dh) had messaged me that early doors! It’s a rather crude suggestion but at least it’s up front 😂
And our evening probably would have gone shag, curry, shag.
these days it would be curry, kiss, roll over and go to sleep!!

Raise your fucking standards.

Don't see a problem. Maybe don't take him to your book club/writer's meeting, though.

Urgh. The sound of fannies clamping shut...

😂