To tell my MIL if she wants a son to name she can go have one and not be engrossed on what I choose to name my son.

[TwinklyPoster]

Hi all, this is more of a rant than anything because I’m honestly just frustrated.
I gave birth to my son at the beginning of August, and my husband and I have chosen his name together.

We’ve named him after my father with his middle name being my grandfather’s name. We’ve also given him a double-barrelled surname/name incorporating both mine and his dad’s names.

My family are absolutely thrilled. My dad in particular is over the moon and feels incredibly honoured that his grandson has been named after him.

I am born in 89, my name was old even then and I’ve grown into it I love it, I always get compliments on it or just people curious about it. DH has somewhat of an old name too. I was never going to name my child whether boy or girl something old fashion. If we had a daughter she would have been name Agatha.

The name itself is quite old-fashioned. Think along the lines of Hugo/Herbert, although it isn’t either of those. Personally I love it and think it’s the sort of name that will grow with him. It might sound very “old man” on a newborn, but I can picture it perfectly on him as a little boy, teenager and adult.

The thing is, my husband and I discussed the names at length and he has always been completely on board. We also deliberately decided not to tell anyone the name or even the sex before the birth. This is our first baby and we wanted to keep it completely to ourselves and just enjoy finding out when he arrived.

DH’s parents, however, are furious about the name. His mother mainly.

Apparently it’s “unfair” that we’ve used family names from my side and that they weren’t consulted.

MIL came round last night to check on us and, inevitably, the subject came up again.
I’ll admit I was probably snappier than I should have been, but after hearing yet again how unfair it all was, I told her: “he is my son I name him not you if you want a child to name to have on yourself” She was obviously offended and the atmosphere went very awkward. My husband did his best to calm things down.

Now I’m wondering whether I was completely out of order in how I said it.
I absolutely stand by the fact that DH and I are the only people who get to decide our son’s name. But perhaps I could have handled MIL’s feelings better, especially as I’m freshly postpartum and emotions are obviously running high.

My ex, late MIL once faked a heart attack so you have my sympathy.

It's. Not. All. About. You.

But this is my life so things that concern me are certainly all about me not a bitter old woman that can’t just make amends she could be very happy if she respected her children’s boundaries. No child goes out of their way to avoid contact with their own mum for no reason but I do not know I speak to my mum everyday and we’ve always been close because she’s always respected me as an individual who is capable of making decisions.

I thought you said brothers wife. This reads like its your sister that is pregnant.

You clearly despise your MIL. You speak about her in the cruellest way and seen to hate everything about her.

She may indeed be difficult and intrusive but you say you never wanted a relationship with her, which is bound to make her feel ostracized and rejected. You repeatedly say she isn't wanted or needed and you even say your husband wouldn't care if she died. What a sad situation at what should be a happy time for everyone.

It’s interesting your views of her and your DH relationship with her.

Children who are abused as you state in childhood rarely grow up to have healthy adult relationships without a shed load of therapy. In fact they usually end up in relationships that mirror a lot of their childhood. With life partners who have traits similar to their parents.

Also interesting that the blame for his childhood is laid at his mother’s door who did nothing with her life but rely on a man. In a generation when actually that was the way many women of her generation did. If boarding school was so abusive shame his father didn’t save them from being dumped by their mother.

He’s in therapy luckily they were all sent to boarding school. He just feels sorry for her as his siblings have all cut out out, low contact but still we can see it does affect her but all she had to do was repeat people’s choices.

She relied on a man yet my mother is only 3 years younger than her and has a career, attending university has skills. Let’s not make excuses for people especially because she grew up fairly wealthy.

But why do I have to have a relationship with her. Surely it’s my choice whether I want to accept someone who is so cruel to her own children and has started being cruel to our son who isn’t even a month old.

ahe "has started being cruel to our son who isn’t even a month old."

This really does say it all.

Btw., we take it this poor woman is widowed?

How has she been cruel to your baby?

Your MiL is batshit.

It’s your choice and both you and your husband are happy with this, nothing to do with her

however I would say Agatha is a very old fashioned and ugly name

I can sort of see her point of view as both first and second names are from your side. What about his side?

No DHs father is alive. They’ve been divorced for some time he’s remarried. The reason he left her was her own doing no one told her to have an affair

The drip feeds and embellishments are getting worse.

Good thing you don’t have to name your child Agatha. If we had a girl it would be between Agatha (after DHs great grandmother) , Tabitha, Allegra or Flossie and many other “ugly” names.

Your dislike of this woman is evident, there are always maybes in the future Op. maybe your son will want a relationship with his grandmother, your husband fall out with your family, who knows.

You would think she'd be delighted to have a grandson whatever his name. What is wrong with some people? Why do they look for trouble?
Life's easier when your nice.

Why do I need to put every detail in the original post. People making assumptions that she’s widowed when I’ve clearly stated form the start DHs father is alive. It’s not my fault he left her nor is it my fault bet other children keep contact as low as possible. She’s the common denominator if everyone around her keeps leaving. And she’s won’t be doing any of that nonsense with our son

Names don't have to be from anyone's side. Name your child what you want.
Mil had her chance when she had a baby.

If he wants a relationship with her he’s allowed it but I think the older he gets he’ll wonder why the other grandchildren/his cousins do not like her. We won’t stop him from seeing her but we will stop her from posting under 18s on social media. Children cannot consent to that especially now with how unsafe social media is getting for children.

Time for the thread to be over. I am not saying the rest of you cannot have relationships with your MiL I am saying I have not had a great experience with mine she seems to think she can dictate what we do. We are adults we can do whatever we like she doesn’t need to ever approve if she hates it she can remove herself out of our lives we don’t care. She’s upset that we don’t need her upset that I have my own career If our marriage was to not work out I would be more than able to stand on my own two feet without him whereas she has spent her life relying on a man who ultimately left her in the end anyway.

Can you not pick you own names. What's the point of naming new children after adults.

The point is that we like those names. Baby might not like his name I can’t talk the future we will have to see and if that’s the case he can change it but his grandfather is great so I think he’ll love having been named after someone so special to me. He’s not even a month old he has yet to get to know his grandfather.

If her posts are anything to go by I wouldn't presume OP is nice either. Bit hard to be nice to someone like OP.

I agree but obviously favouring one side isn't the best thing to do. It would have been better to choose new names as you say.