To tell my MIL if she wants a son to name she can go have one and not be engrossed on what I choose to name my son.

[TwinklyPoster]

Hi all, this is more of a rant than anything because I’m honestly just frustrated.
I gave birth to my son at the beginning of August, and my husband and I have chosen his name together.

We’ve named him after my father with his middle name being my grandfather’s name. We’ve also given him a double-barrelled surname/name incorporating both mine and his dad’s names.

My family are absolutely thrilled. My dad in particular is over the moon and feels incredibly honoured that his grandson has been named after him.

I am born in 89, my name was old even then and I’ve grown into it I love it, I always get compliments on it or just people curious about it. DH has somewhat of an old name too. I was never going to name my child whether boy or girl something old fashion. If we had a daughter she would have been name Agatha.

The name itself is quite old-fashioned. Think along the lines of Hugo/Herbert, although it isn’t either of those. Personally I love it and think it’s the sort of name that will grow with him. It might sound very “old man” on a newborn, but I can picture it perfectly on him as a little boy, teenager and adult.

The thing is, my husband and I discussed the names at length and he has always been completely on board. We also deliberately decided not to tell anyone the name or even the sex before the birth. This is our first baby and we wanted to keep it completely to ourselves and just enjoy finding out when he arrived.

DH’s parents, however, are furious about the name. His mother mainly.

Apparently it’s “unfair” that we’ve used family names from my side and that they weren’t consulted.

MIL came round last night to check on us and, inevitably, the subject came up again.
I’ll admit I was probably snappier than I should have been, but after hearing yet again how unfair it all was, I told her: “he is my son I name him not you if you want a child to name to have on yourself” She was obviously offended and the atmosphere went very awkward. My husband did his best to calm things down.

Now I’m wondering whether I was completely out of order in how I said it.
I absolutely stand by the fact that DH and I are the only people who get to decide our son’s name. But perhaps I could have handled MIL’s feelings better, especially as I’m freshly postpartum and emotions are obviously running high.

Do you also think that when the vast majority of women take their husband’s surname upon marriage? That they are prioritising their husband’s family over their own? Do you think the husband’s family are lording it over the wife’s family then? Do you think the wife’s family have a right to be miffed in that situation?

@TwinklyPoster I think you contradict yourself in your op.
I was never going to name my child whether boy or girl something old fashion. If we had a daughter she would have been name Agatha
You had no plans to give your child an old fashioned name...... and then in the next sentance say if she'd been a girl you would have called her Agatha which is not a popular choice atm and is also very old fashioned.

Are you sure you are old enough to have a child. You sound very immature.

I already explained this. I couldn’t edit the original post. I meant that I was ALWAYS going to name our child and old fashioned name both me and my husband have quite old fashioned names.

1989 born old enough to have a child.

Old enough to make my own decisions and not be told what to do by a bitter old woman. One day I’ll be an old woman I hope I can take after the women in my family who have taught me that I have free will and I choose how to live my life same way my son will choose how to live his.

There might be a point in his life where I’ll disagree with his choices but as long as he’s does not commit crimes etc I won’t really care his life is his. At the moment he isn’t even a month old it’s safe to say my husband and I can make decisions for him he cannot consent to anything yet.

He might even change his name when he’s older. I will respect that it is his life not mine I can only give him the tools to make his own decisions and guide him while he is still a child he can’t even speak yet. For now it’s mine and DHs decisions not DHs mother who has 7 other grandchildren she can go try and control and disrespect their parents boundaries.

Sorry if this has already been said but I just couldn’t stand to be visited every day by anyone just after having given birth. To me this is what’s driving you mad, far more than the whole name thing. It makes me stressed just thinking about it. My daughter and I get on brilliantly but after she had given birth I always asked if it was OK to visit and assured her I would understand if she needed time alone just with her husband and their new baby.

Your MIL needs to text prior to visiting to ask if it’s OK and she needs to reduce her visits drastically. You need time to bond as a family without any interference from anyone. I can’t imagine anything worse than daily visits, particularly from someone you don’t get on with. It will be a harsh conversation that your husband has with her but it has to be done!

Why did you start this thread op?
Did you expect everyone to agree with you?

Why is your father so thrilled? Why should he care? Why should any of your family care and be delighted that two of your family members have been "honoured" (the clue is in the word honoured).

You truly sound very unpleasant and determined to upset your MIL.

‘bitter old woman’.
What is she bitter about? How old is she?You seem to have only bad things to say about her.
Is it possible she’s coming round such a lot out of a desire to help/ mend the relationship between you?