Avoid In-laws because of jokes about my appearance

[butterfly245]

I have always been short, which my in-laws have always found hilarious. Whenever I see them there are comments on my heights, comparing me to the children, jokes etc etc. sometimes I laugh it off, sometimes I roll my eyes, but on a couple of occasions I have actually made it clear I don’t find it funny. One family member once asked me if I mind it and when I said I didn’t like it they stopped. The others haven’t (the children now join in).

I didn’t go to the last family occasion because I’m getting tired of it (it’s been over 10 years). I told DH and said I was happy for him to go and to take the kids too, but he said he didn’t want to (it’s a 2 hour drive and they’re not particularly close). When he told his SIL (just said we couldn’t come) she expressed some disappointment. We have one of the kids (teenager) coming to visit soon and I don’t know how to respond if any comments come up.

I’d love some advice on how to handle future comments. AIBU to be irritated to the point of avoiding them or should I get a thicker skin?

They have said something and DH did it years ago. When I’ve given a look to the kids they’ve said sorry but it just doesn’t stick they seem to forget with every next visit.

DH is 6ft and the rest just under. The kids are taller than me, part of SIL joke is to stand them next to me which to be fair I nipped in the bud but now the kids do it themselves and the teenager tends to rest his arm on my head etc. last time I did say to him “I’d watch where my elbow is if I were you”.

You should point out that the fatties seem to have no problems reaching the cake shelf!

I'm 5ft 1" and yes the odd time it's been a joke as even my grandchildren are all talker than me, however it's cruel for you to be the butt of size jokes all the time, that's never been an issue for me. Hooe you get it to stop x

Id ask them if they're tired as the obviously got up extra early to a cunt today

To the INCREDIBLY cheeky teenager reading his arm on your head… you need to promptly push his arm off your head and say “Excuse me, please have some respect. I expect you to never again rest your arm on my head. It hurts my neck and is just so incredibly insulting. You should know better.” Then walk off.

To butcher Winston Churchill:

"It's true I am short. Worse, I will always be short, but you could be slim one day."

We also say “Diamonds don’t come as big as bricks”

OP you are being bullied.
A joke on you is not a joke if you don't find it funny, if it's constantly repeated it's bullying!
The next time someone says something, don't lower yourself to there level, just state with a straight face I don't find that funny at all, have a little sign, to exaggerate the point, then get up and walk out of the room. Someone will come and find you, if they don't, then you should have a back up plan to leave.

You asked about the up coming visit of a teenager, my thought is that they probably think this behaviour is okay if they have seen their family get away with it. If they are brave enough to say anything in your home, I suspect they won't. Then ask them to sit down and explain the house rules, they will have been taught at school about bullying and inappropriate comments. Point out that this type of behaviour is not okay in school, it's totally not acceptable in your house and absolutely will not be tolerated in a workplace environment.
I would also mention that your BIL knows you don't like it, your SIL knows you don't like it, but is forgetful. You tolerate it from your MIL, because after all she is your MIL, and is getting old and has probably forgotten what being bullied in the playground feels like.
It would be interesting to see if any of those comments get back to the appropriate people, if they do and they try to call you out on it, your in the right and I'm sure DH will back you up
Good luck

That's incredibly rude and extremely disrespectful!
Next time they try to do that, you need to push them off, point out that that behaviour is harassment and you won't tolerate it. Definitely get DH to back you up as SIL will try to make light of it.

That's not so short ! Pretty average in my world . I'm a 5ft and it's never been an issue .

Think you need to get DH to speak to them to tell them you don't like it .

Depending on how they are..

Id try again a jokey... 'ah still the same tiresome jokes x years later...' and smile.

If they STILL don't stop I'd let them have both barrels.

'Look, I've told you in a jokey way and spoken to some people separately. Please stop with the height jokes-it's been going on for years !

I find it unbelievably boring and offensive, and it actively stops me wanting to come to family events . I don't want to have to do this again. '

and then just go back to whatever you're doing and just act normally for the rest of the time.

I like to stick by the idea that we don’t mention things to people that they can’t change in one minute eg I might tell them if they have sauce round their mouth but I would never say if they have, for example, put on weight.

Whenever someone comments about my height, my favourite response is:
’diamonds are smaller than bricks’

i do have sympathy if the jokes are tedious now, could you try again the straight up listen, I don’t like the jokes, please stop.
and if they don’t stop, get your clever comebacks ready, for a taste of their own medicine.

Id also point out how unacceptable their comments would be in the workplace. You don't 'banter' about physical attributes. I like only being 5'2". I'd only react to the disrespect. I would have asled if they wouldlaugh along to fat etc jokes. You really need to up your reaction to this.

'Though she be but little, she is fierce'
(I am 5ft but glad to have Shakespeare in my corner)

Brilliant. DD has this and it's very true. She teaches at secondary and her behaviour mgt is legendary!

Whenever people have made comments about me like this I just own it and make them uncomfortable in the process. When they realise it hasn't had the desired effect they tend to feel disappointed and stop. If they don't, I just tell them to shut up, very seriously, and they do.

The last one I can remember mocking me for my height (I'm 5'1), I responded with "you know what they say, the shorter the person, the closer to hell. Hail Satan!"

Why isn't your husband stopping this? It's his family and he needs to put his foot down and tell them it is unacceptable. He needs to get a shiny spine and stand up for you. My mom was 4'9" and I am 5'3", my father was 6'1". I didn't know that I was short until a few years ago! I'm almost 70 and thought I was taller! My sister (5'9") is the one who told me that I was short! I was a semi-truck driver for 20 years! Never thought I was short!

When the teenager comes to stay, you can divide and conquer a bit. Tell them up front: “Your family has a tendency to be quite rude about my height. I don’t enjoy it and it’s not very nice. I just want you to understand that I don’t want you to be rude to me while you’re staying here”. When it’s directed at them personally, hopefully they will think about it a bit more and take responsibility, rather than blindly copying their parents.

And maybe you can pick them all off one by one in the same way.

It's too late to vote, but your height is not the reason you are feeling short changed. I don't pretend to know what is, but your height is IRRELEVANT.

Its unaccetable to make fun of someone else's physical characteristics and they must know this. When I was in secondary school in the 80s my favourite teacher once teased me about blushing when I didn't know an answer in front of the whole class. I was mortified. I was a shy child and prone to blushing. Nevertheless I heard myself saying back to him "well at least I don't have to wear glasses" (sorry glasses wearers - I was lashing out - I do have to wear them myself now!). He asked me to repeat myself - and I thought I was in real trouble - but I explained that he couldn't help having to wear glasses and I couldn't help blushing. He just muttered something like "ah yes I see" and carried on with the lesson. No apology but it felt like a big win to me. Not really advocating that approach with your in-laws unless you tell them explicitly that you hate it and they continue!

How many of them are there that regularly make fun of you? Are any of the comments half funny or have you heard them all on repeat?

I'd write a list of them all and pick out 1 thing for each of them that they wouldn't like you to make fun of especially as they won't be expecting it - horse teeth, piano teeth, hairy nose, dogs breath, big nose, saggy tits etc etc they won't find that funny at all

What a bunch of infantile arseholes!! 🤬

If your niece/nephew makes any comments, nip it right in the bud. It's not acceptable for adults to carry on with this shit for ten years never mind the children starting.

I also think that intervention by your husband is well overdue.

All I can say is that you're a better person than me. I'd have lost it YEARS ago and I wouldn't have been subtle about it either.

I think a good answer would be I am 5ft but at least I don't bore people with the same remarks over and over whenever we meet. I think that could be way. Best wishes the relatives sound awful.

If his family are unable to see you without taking the piss out of you, then they should be unable to see you full stop. Your DH is a fking wet lettuce and absolute disgrace for allowing that to happen for so many years. I would go no contact with them (doesn't mean he has to). As someone else said, they are toxic bullies. And they have shown time and time again that they are not able or willing to show you respect. But you can show yourself respect. Life is too short to spend it around arseholes.