Avoid In-laws because of jokes about my appearance

[butterfly245]

I have always been short, which my in-laws have always found hilarious. Whenever I see them there are comments on my heights, comparing me to the children, jokes etc etc. sometimes I laugh it off, sometimes I roll my eyes, but on a couple of occasions I have actually made it clear I don’t find it funny. One family member once asked me if I mind it and when I said I didn’t like it they stopped. The others haven’t (the children now join in).

I didn’t go to the last family occasion because I’m getting tired of it (it’s been over 10 years). I told DH and said I was happy for him to go and to take the kids too, but he said he didn’t want to (it’s a 2 hour drive and they’re not particularly close). When he told his SIL (just said we couldn’t come) she expressed some disappointment. We have one of the kids (teenager) coming to visit soon and I don’t know how to respond if any comments come up.

I’d love some advice on how to handle future comments. AIBU to be irritated to the point of avoiding them or should I get a thicker skin?

I would cut contact. When they ask why, tell them. Naturally they will huff that you are being 'over sensitive' or it's 'just banter' etc. Make it very very clear that you are sick of it and as a result no longer wish to be in their company.

Oh dear, you do sound like you're missing a sense of humour.
At under 5 foot I get jokes and comments but I just laugh and actually if they're good jokes why not. But I don't care and I don't feel short so why would I care what jokes others make? Better than not trying to engage with you isn't it? If I was ginger I'd expect to get relentlessly teased for that and that wouldn't bother me either.
Are you in UK? Cos you don't sound like it

It's not relevant.
Her in-laws are plain rude.

Ten years is way over the top.
It may have been mildly amusing the first time, but to continue suggests to me thay are really stupid or pig ignorant.

I think people feel they can joke about height in a way they can’t about being overweight because being short or tall isn’t generally considered something to be ashamed of. Tall people get fed up with tall jokes too. I’m short and if I get teased about it I don’t mind as I don’t see it as an insult just their clumsy way of trying to be funny. I can see how it would get wearing if it is all the time though.

You’ve got some options:
-Let it go and ignore it or have a stock phrase ‘well all the best things come in small packages’ ‘I’m not short you’re just over tall’

-Challenge it - ‘Actually I find it quite insulting that you keep making jokes about my appearance. I’d like you to stop please.’
If it comes up again ‘I’ve told you before that I don’t like it when you make jokes about my height/ appearance, if you do it again I will leave’ and then if it comes up again ‘I told you I don’t like jokes like that, I’m not happy to stay in a place where you continue to treat me like this’ and leave.

-Insult the joke ‘I see the jokes haven’t gotten any better since we last came’ or ‘you need to update your material, I think everyones heard that joke quite a few times now’

I don’t think this is one of those things that is significant enough to deliberately distance from family. You hear of people going no or low contact with family for all sorts of reasons but to me to break that family bond it would have to be something very significant.

Oh dear, you sound like you think thinks are funny that are in truth really rude and ignorant.

Is 5 ft that short? The national average for a woman in the UK is only 5 ft 3. I’d avoid them too, they sound moronic.

Get a tshirt made up for the next occasion in their company with a phrase of your choosing on it… but something like “Yes, I’m 5’0”. Is that all you’ve got?”
#GrowUp #StopBullying #NeverFunny #Pathetic

See if that gets the message across? Any further jokes just say “Yeah you can stop it with the height jokes now, it’s not funny and I’ve had enough of it.”

They're not joking with you. They're bullying you.

Jokes are funny. This is trying to make you less than them because of your height. They're mean and insecure.

The bullying stops now.

Your husband has a come to Jesus with them about them bullying his wife and that it will no longer be tolerated.

Your husband should say something every damn time they neg you about your height. Then you get up and leave.

If a serious talk about bullying didn't stop them, I'd stop seeing them. No visits, no more teens coming to stay. Your husband needs to talk to this one when they get in and make it clear that if there is one snide remark about your height, they will be out.

I'm pretty blunt as well as short and when people try to push me around because of my size, they wish they hadn't. I have no issues with calling out bullying for what it is. They're already passive aggressively nasty to you. They already don't like you. Calling their bullying out for what it is and telling them to fuck off if it doesn't stop won't make them like you less.

I am 4ft11 and occasionally would make a comment around it (for example in an anecdote or story) never bothered me being small, but no one really makes direct jokes about it and definitely not my husbands family. I actually forget how short I am until I see a group picture!
When they make a joke ask them why they are so obsessed about your height.

God how tiresome .
I am just under 5’2” and have had comments and jokes .
I remember some girl at school saying I’d be really good looking if I was taller ..
I suppose that’s sort of a compliment 🙄
Even in my fifties I’d have “ friends “ comment on my kitchen step stool laughing at it , laughing at how I had to shop in the petite section etc and how I couldn’t reach things in the supermarket.
And I’m really only a little below the average women’s height ( globally )

The odd thing, is an entire family (including the kids) think it is okay to harp on and on to this poor woman.
She also needs to get husband on side.

It's just not acceptable. Really funny isn't it to laugh at someone's who's fat or has acne? No it isn't and I'm taking a personal issue with this. I'm tiny, 4 ft 11 and apparently it's so funny to belittle us and that's fine? Macron and Sunak were often ridiculed 'small man syndrome ' etc when in any other instance it is NOT funny. Esme on Sewing Bee, Sandy Toksvig, tell the producers to do one and literally stop being the butt of really hilarious jokes. Tell the relatives shut up once and for all. And to everyone out there, you too shut up as enough is enough.

I am the same height as you and honestly i have had it my whole life from colleagues, and strangers mostly. It seems like height is the remaining thing (that you can’t do anything about!) that is fair game. It is exhausting and and now i have short kids and they get it too. I have a reputation for being ‘feisty’ mostly because i always have to have a comment or a comeback ready but i am tired!! Someone asked if i was a dwarf once and i cried. People are generally cunts so i find it best to point that out to them.

Yes it's incredibly tiresome. A colleague once said "you'd be so more beautiful if you were taller". Yes and you'd be more intelligent if you had a brain. I never reacted then but would now. It's incredibly rude and please never accept this.

DS and I have a laugh as he’s over a foot taller than me and I’m only just below average height. But that’s within the immediate family in a living environment. MIL used to come out w clangers and DH had to speak to her so it’s obviously on your dh to speak to his family. I wouldn’t insult back to their faces.

I'd pick one of their prominent features and start to take the piss out of that if they start.
I:E, 'OK, baldy / slaphead / big ears / baggy arse.
The possibilities could be endless.

No one should get away with these comments and rightly so, tell them to do one. Why is this still happening? And in no other circumstances should this be ok. It's not funny and keep on saying so. One of my friends kept on mentioning my height and in the final straw remark I just said, not verbatim 'do I mention your weight, and other imperfections?' NO, so kindly shut the fuck up as it's cruel and fucking rude. Sorted.

As a fellow 5 footer I have never had nasty comments - maybe people know me too well and know I don't respond well to bullying
The only way you are going to stop it is to match their energy - the next time there is a comment you need to respond - tell them you are sick of their bullying, you have asked them to stop and they won't so now you are joining in - the next time they comment on your height you are going to comment on their weight, facial features etc and see if they find it as funny when they are on the receiving end - don't back down

5ft is not that short, there are lots of women about who are around that height. They must be really short of things to talk about if they keep going on about it. I would tell them straight that it's not funny or appropriate and shut up please or I won't see you again. I wouldn't insult them back, it's just sinking to their level and beneath your dignity.

I think avoiding them is fair enough. With the teenager coming to stay I’d say something like: “I just want to be clear about expectations up front [list of things he might need telling like no smoking in his room, help clean up after a meal, whatever] and also, you’re a guest in my home so no making fun of me or my height, you may think it’s a joke, but I don’t.” And if he breaks any of that then “We talked about this. I hate it. If you can’t be a decent house guest you need to go home. I won’t put up with it again.”

Don’t laugh it off or pretend you don’t hate it, and don’t apologise for telling him he shouldn’t do it.

I don’t think you need the second warning but he’s a teen who’s been brought up with very different norms and habits are hard to break so I would give him the second chance if he needs it. No more, though.

It's not funny and stop laughing along. You are encouraging a bullying behaviour.

It's not funny at all. Stop accepting this.

“Oh fuck off Brenda (fill in appropriate name), I maybe short, you however are an unfunny boring fuckwit Cunt”.

Hopefully, that should do it.

It can be so tiresome when folk just keep going on and on about it. Dont they get bored? I'm 5'7" and have size 7 feet. My MIL would comment on it every single time we visited. She has form for stuff like this, but my family are all very polite and sensitive so I was not used to it. 15 years down the line, I just snapped. I said. 'Yes, that's the way they were made, and you were made with a fat arse but I don't keep going on about it'. She cried and wailed for ages. It did not go down well. I'm glad I said something, but would have phrased it better in hindsight!