Avoid In-laws because of jokes about my appearance

[butterfly245]

I have always been short, which my in-laws have always found hilarious. Whenever I see them there are comments on my heights, comparing me to the children, jokes etc etc. sometimes I laugh it off, sometimes I roll my eyes, but on a couple of occasions I have actually made it clear I don’t find it funny. One family member once asked me if I mind it and when I said I didn’t like it they stopped. The others haven’t (the children now join in).

I didn’t go to the last family occasion because I’m getting tired of it (it’s been over 10 years). I told DH and said I was happy for him to go and to take the kids too, but he said he didn’t want to (it’s a 2 hour drive and they’re not particularly close). When he told his SIL (just said we couldn’t come) she expressed some disappointment. We have one of the kids (teenager) coming to visit soon and I don’t know how to respond if any comments come up.

I’d love some advice on how to handle future comments. AIBU to be irritated to the point of avoiding them or should I get a thicker skin?

We have one of the kids (teenager) coming to visit soon and I don’t know how to respond if any comments come up

One of the in-laws children? So your niece/nephew? If that’s right, get DH on board and make it clear you’re not tolerating that in your own home. One strike and they’re out, back to the bus stop or train station or however they got there. And you don’t actually have to attend anything at all, ever. Why hasn’t your husband backed you up in ten years? Is he, in fact, a massive part of the problem?

I would extend the teenager some grace if they make any rude remarks, as they have been brought up to believe that it's acceptable. But this is the time to show them that's it not. I'd say, pleasantly and as kindly as you can "you are a guest in my house and comments like that are hurtful. Please don't do it again." There may be fallout, make sure your husband has your back.

I would bite back without being rude: "Isn't it time you came up with a new 'joke'?", "Hilarious as ever Bob" with an eyeroll.

That's the point though, isn't it?

Seems an odd thing to get so worked up about though.

Why though?

She has taken it for 10 years.

Which means, she has been the butt of the joke for ten years.

Which also means, laughing at her unites them.

They need to stop.

I think the dh should say something - land it once making it very clear that they need a new family joke.

If they disregard, I would refuse a few invites, but jog back once or twice to give them a chance.

After all, it will take a while to undo ten years of behaviour.

yep do this!

identify their most horrible facial or bodily feature or behaviour trait and bloody well give them some lip back. Bet they won’t find it so funny then, especially if any of them are fat

oh and if the teenager makes any comments whilst in your house! You tell him he can march his arse back on out , he’s not welcome and slam the door on him

I think your DH needs to speak directly to his mum and sister and tell them to stop the jokes and comments, it isn't funny and you don't like it.
Do it before the teen comes to visit.

DH has snapped quite a few times actually and they’ve got defensive and been like “ I didn’t mean it like that”. And like I said he spoke to SIL but it only stopped for a while.

Why does that matter. Even if she is 1ft tall it does give people the green light to take the piss.

“Oh Jim, more of the same old boring jokes about my height. Maybe I should start to make jokes about you being 5 stone overweight, or about your bad breath? Let’s mix it up a bit, eh?

Ot alternatively, let’s play nicely?”

That’s the best offering I have.

Maybe just stay away from them instead? I’d let DH know that whilst they are going to be insufferable arseholes, you will avoid them. If he (and they) want you there, everyone has to step up and be better.

The next time they say anything, respond with something like "yes, I am short, but at least I am articulate and have many other things to talk about. You people are boring"

I get this all the time from my IL’s. I am 5ft 3. We go on holiday with them soon and my height will be a topic of conversation for the whole week as they make what they think are absolutely hilarious comments. It is very tiresome sometimes but I feel sorry for them really for having to make fun of someone to probably make themselves feel better.

They'll probably just say "can't you take a joke".

"It's not rude it's just bantz"

"Yes"

I get these jokes - I'm 5 1 and I quite like them - they feel affectionate. My friend used to tell me to be careful I didn't hit my arse when I stepped off the curb. 😆However that's coming from people who I know love me. I'd probably find it quite jarring if they were coming from people I wasn't so close to.

If they bother you, there's only one option and that is to stand up for yourself, firmly, kick up a proper fuss and tell them. Yes, it will be uncomfortable and awkward, but the alternative is you never spending time with them again.

I mean, okay, but he clearly has to do a LOT more here doesn’t he?

And one of these awful people wants to come and stay with you and enjoy your hospitality? Really? I wouldn’t be messing around cracking jokes about it, I’d just say ‘pack it in or you’re leaving in ten minutes’.

This is really nasty behaviour, I can’t believe you aren’t angrier about it!

This is for DH to deal with as it’s his family. “Can you not please? You’re being really rude!” should do it. Every time.

"If you stop making "jokes" at my expense about my height, I won't make any jokes about your weight"

Op you have a mouth use it.

Im 4f11 i ve had all the jokes but with me i join in.

I feel your pain. I have massive boobs and my friend of over 20 years always always feels the need to mention them. Following thread for advice.

I’ve shut down similar by just remaining stony-faced and silent. It’s the laughing along or responding with banter that keeps it going. Stony silence held for an uncomfortable length of time embarrasses everyone.

Good for you! (And thanks for making me LOL!)

I married into a family of ridiculously tall people, including a 6ft Mil; DH once said that all of them piling out of a car was like watching clowns at the circus.

This rudeness must have a deeper reason.

I'm 4ft 10ins and no one makes comments at least not to my face.

I’m also 5ft 0” and I’ve never experienced anything like this, but it does sound awful of them! I really would make some clever comment about their weight and then see how they like it.

Is she a friend though? Or is she someone you know? Huge difference.