Avoid In-laws because of jokes about my appearance

[butterfly245]

I have always been short, which my in-laws have always found hilarious. Whenever I see them there are comments on my heights, comparing me to the children, jokes etc etc. sometimes I laugh it off, sometimes I roll my eyes, but on a couple of occasions I have actually made it clear I don’t find it funny. One family member once asked me if I mind it and when I said I didn’t like it they stopped. The others haven’t (the children now join in).

I didn’t go to the last family occasion because I’m getting tired of it (it’s been over 10 years). I told DH and said I was happy for him to go and to take the kids too, but he said he didn’t want to (it’s a 2 hour drive and they’re not particularly close). When he told his SIL (just said we couldn’t come) she expressed some disappointment. We have one of the kids (teenager) coming to visit soon and I don’t know how to respond if any comments come up.

I’d love some advice on how to handle future comments. AIBU to be irritated to the point of avoiding them or should I get a thicker skin?

Id say, No I’m not coming. “If I was fat would you calling me Fatso, if I had a crooked nose would you calling me Beaky…. Etc
I am totally fed up of you being rude & making derogatory remarks at my expense.
Its not light hearted, its not funny.
Actually I’ll call you ….. & let my kids join in, let’s see how we get on shall we?

Does it matter?

At your height you would definitely not be the shortest person around at all.. lots of people are around or even quite a bit under 5 foot especially women who are older or from certain ethnicities! There’s a reason Petite ranges are popular! Quite a few of my friends / relatives/ colleagues are petite in height.
What total idiots these in laws are. I just would not bother to spend time with them as life is too short for annoying people.

5ft is not exactly unusual, how many 'jokes' can they possibly make?

I think I'd do a lot of obvious eye rolling and digs about them lacking wit.

Hahahaha that’s fab!

Could you act like it's the funniest joke ever, then say I know. It's so funny how I'm almost as tall as you are wide!!

I’m hobbit sized (4’11”) and I just let the jokes go over my head (easy to do with me being so short).

say “I’m a hobbit so I have an excuse for hairy feet and second breakfast, what’s yours?” 🤔

Hahaha 🤣 brilliant OP.

So you’re as tall as they are wide? If you’re feeling brave, you could point this out to them.

They sound vile and I’m surprised you've been able to put up with this for so long!

Also i would never be mean about someone’s weight even if they are mean about my height. I would pick on something they can’t do anything about- which is what they are doing to me! Mainly i say ‘yes i know i am short but at least i am not ugly/a dickhead/ a cunt/boring’ etc. Also not all short people are also tiny and skinny! So ‘well at least i’m not fat like you’ doesnt always work!

I totally sympathise. I had a similar situation. When my dp and myself were on holiday an annoying situation happened which we commented on in the family WhatsApp group.Instead of sympathy my two SIL thought it was hilarious. We indulged them for a little while but fast forward two years and they still kept bringing it up at all times. We tried telling them the joke was wearing thin both nicely and firmly to no avail. We finally lost our temper then dh and myself were accused of being bullies!

try it in english?

I’m small too and I return those remarks with ‘good things come in small packages’ and a quote from Shakespeare that goes
“Though she be but little, she is fierce” if I was you I’d definitely channel the second one!

How the heck is it “ an odd thing to get worked up about”?! Anyone who has a sensitivity about a physical difference - be it a disability or simply hair colour or skin imperfections, has an absolute right not to be teased about it unless they find it funny. It’s bullying of the worst kind. I’d be inclined to say “ I really don’t find this funny , it actually hurts my feelings/ offends me - would you tease me if I was in a wheelchair?” If they still don’t stop then they really are fishing for a reaction and I think the best you can do is not drop to their level , but just eye roll and flounce out/ refuse to spend time with them again and say you don’t waste time on unkind people . Good luck , I’m sorry they are so horrible/ immature.

Family WhatsApp: I love to see you all and yet find myself dreading it at the same time. I undoubtedly should have mentioned it before but I really hate these jokes and comments about my height. I wouldn’t dream of making personal comments about you so can we draw a line under the ones about me? I’d appreciate you telling your children the same. With love from . …. Xx

Just say I cant help been short, it's not my fault, but you can help how rude you are!
Or say ' do you practice at being rude or does it come naturally to you.
Iam only 5ft 2,my mum 4ft 11.
Small things come in neat packages xx

I would honestly not bother with the main offenders, but then, I do like to slam doors closed pronto on people who annoy me.
A bit pf banter is fine (imo) but they must see this gets to you: My MIL often used to say at dinner at hers (where she had made a cake or pudding) “Would you like an apple instead?” A sly dig at my weight, one of a mixed bag she offered up regularly.
Until one day, I actually asked her pointedly why she was so obsessed with my weight, and yes please to cake and make it a big slice…she has kept her piehole shut since.

I’m also short and have received plenty of idiotic observations from others about my height. Someone actually once announced ‘you’re short!!!’ as if this had not occurred to me. I just fixed them with my best hard stare and answered ‘yes.’

Your in-laws sound very tiresome indeed, and very boring. Some families find this kind of ‘banter’ a way of establishing a bond, but if it’s clear you don’t appreciate it, they should stop. Are they otherwise ok with you? If yes, you could try stating firmly that you do not want to hear any more short ‘jokes’ and find them wearing enough to stay away from family gatherings. If they are generally pains in the rear, I’d have a very busy schedule.

Tell them not to do it one last time and if they do it again, go non-contact. Although I'd probably pop a poo in a box and post it to them.

5ft here! I used to have this shit with my ex’s family and friends they thought it was so funny. I would look at them in horror say thanks for telling me the way you might if something was stuck in your teeth for ages (didn’t notice! I’ll sort it asap!). I tell my young daughters that if everyone was small like us we would all be using fewer resources. You could tell them- think of this moment when you smack your head on a doorframe. After all you can always just ask someone to reach things for you in the supermarket.

OMG that's fantastic. A classic demonstration of 'how would you like it' 👏

I think they sound a bit thick. If that is the level of comedy, fucking hell, what a tedious lot.

I'd definitely go with the, at least I can wear heels, you don't have many options.... big fake laugh.

I have a relative who is 4’9 & we don’t make fun of her. We did tease her a bit at the start about having to buy from the children’s dept but that soon got old. After 10 years they shouldn’t even notice your height!
I’m only 5’2 myself & nobody ever comments. Are they an exceptionally tall family ?

Oh and my 4ft 10 grandma said all the best things come in small packages. Tis true!

< say that and stare at their girth>

"I might be small, but at least I'm not overweight". Then turn on your heel and look busy with something.

You won't have directly said that the PIL is fat, and if they take it personally, you can always appear as wide eyed and innocent as they try to look. "What? No, I wasn't saying that you're fat. Just that I'm glad I have a good figure"