AIBU to refuse regular Sunday evening childcare for my daughter?

[Asineleen]

Good morning all, I’m not sure if i’m being selfish or fair so please be honest.

Context, I’m 62, I have some health issues but I’m generally able to get on with most parts of life, I do find somethings quite overwhelming though.

Last night my DD messaged me, she has 3 children, twins who are 2 and a 4 year old. I love my granddaughters, I love spending time with them and I’m happy to have them occasionally. Currently they come for a sleep over every other month on a Saturday night and I may provide some ad-hoc childcare if and when it’s needed.
DD was asking if I would be happy to come to hers on alternating Sunday nights from 7ish to 9:30ish in the evening. She and her husband want to go to the mixed doubles group at the local tennis club (they already go to ladies and gents night but obviously the other just stays home with the kids).
She said her mother in law has offered to do every other Sunday.
She told me she would make sure the girls were bathed and in bed and they wouldn’t leave until 7:15 and it continues until 9pm then they would be back around 9:15-30.
I live 10 minutes away, DD said she would make sure either she or her DH be able to drive me home.
She said likely the girls wouldn’t be asleep just yet but the twins would be close and I could sit with her eldest and read with her then it would just be manning the house from about 8 onwards.

I said sorry no I can’t. Mostly as I have work at 8am on Mondays, I tend to be in bed for 8-9 most evenings and tbh I just don’t think it would be as easy as she is selling it, I imagine the children would be out of sorts since mummy and daddy were away and it’s a school night for the eldest so I would feel awful if I wasn’t able to get her down to sleep on time.
I do have 2 children, but there is 11 and a half years between them so I never had a phase of caring for multiple very small children and while I’m happy to do it on a Saturday where bedtime can go a bit off plan and it not matter, I’d worry on a school night.

When my mum called this morning I mentioned it to her and my mum has made me feel awful saying considering all they do for me (drive to appointments, cut my grass etc.), it would be a nice small way to say thank you and if son-in-laws mum can do it and she’s in a whole different town, why can’t I.

So AIBU to say no? Am I being selfish and ungrateful since they do things for me? Should I say yes and just see how it goes?

You're in bed at 8/9? Are you trying to get 9 hours of sleep? Or is this a reverse?

I think you're harsh to say no from the off. I would have offered to at least do a trial for a couple of weeks.

They presumably don't get much couples' time and this would be a brilliant way to have "date night" and get some exercise in.

Honestly I think every other week for a family that obviously helps you out a lot id try and manage it. What will you do if they start saying no to appointment lifts and grass cutting etc?

Not the point of the thread but why are they cutting your grass?
Do you work and have to go to work on a Monday?
I think the fact that you go to bed early is reason enough not to babysit. However, if you don’t work then I think you are being selfish.

YANBU to not want to it as its ever person’s individual choice to help
out or not.

That said, I think your DD will hold it against you, especially if MIL is willing. Could you maybe do one Sunday a month?

Reverse?

Did you even read the OP? Literally says she has work and some health conditions.

2 hours, twice a month, sounds reasonable to me. Could you ask to trial it?

I was going to suggest similar to dibdibbob - could MiL do every other week, you do one of the gaps, and them skip the other session or oay for childcare?

I didn't think your daughter has been unreasonable to ask, and I do think it's a brilliant opportunity for them. But it does need to work fir you - 9pm sounds very early for bed.

I tend to be up around 6, I’ve always been early to bed even when my children were small! I like my sleep, and I start work at 8am on Mondays.
Not a reverse.

I would do it but I would walk over hot coals for my son.

It's awful that you don't want to help your daughter and spend time with your grandchildren. You will be in a position where you will need a lot more of their help very soon and they will remember this.

From what you have said I do think you are coming across as a little bit mean to not at least try and see if you can do it? They don’t seem to be asking for a lot and as a loving mum I would do it.

Sorry I missed the work part!

If you love spending time with them are you seeing them at all outside of your once a couple of months sleepover and ad hoc babysitting?

Why are they cutting your grass? Are you disabled?
Are either grandad on the scene, can they do one Sunday?
Can they get a babysitter and you do once a mont

I agree with your mum. It’s only every other week, and if they do lots for you then this is the least you can do. It’s so hard for couples to do things together without family help.

I have some health issues, things like cutting the grass are too much for me. I know I could pay someone, and if they said they couldn’t do it I would of course do so.
Currently every other week my son in law goes around and does everyone’s grass, mine, their own, my mums and his parents. He volunteers to do it.

Sounds like they do an awful lot for you. It would be nice to help them out in return

Yes they come over for 2/3 hours most Fridays for dinner, I buy/cook dinner or order in a take away for us all. And I see them randomly if I’m just walking past or in the summer holidays DD has been popping in for an hour.
We go on holiday for 5 days to center parcs once a year together too.

Would once a month work, and they could get a babysitter/other family member to make up the fourth? Sounds like a good family dynamic overall and I'd want to help if possible.

Honestly, it seems a bit mean not to give it a try. It's not a big ask and they sound like a nice couple who don't take the piss. If it doesn't work out because the 4 year old won't sleep then you can always say it's too much at that point

I would do it in a heartbeat because I would love to spend the time with my grandchildren. Having an hour reading one on one with the little one sounds like a lovely way to spend the evening. They will grow up remembering how grandma used to sit and read with them. I am sure going to bed an hour later once a fortnight wont do you any harm.

2 Mondays out of 4 where you might be a little bit tired. Help them out, you will be fine.

I would do it. I am older than you and don't work, but I often look after my grandchildren. My sons help me a lot (including cutting my grass!) and I would feel very mean refusing two hours babysitting once a fortnight because I wanted to be in bed by 9.

If today for grass cutting etc if they didn’t do it. Any chance you could agree one Sunday a month and you pay for a sitter the other Sunday?

A local teen would be grateful of some cash and you are still helping burning way you can manage.