AIBU to refuse regular Sunday evening childcare for my daughter?

[Asineleen]

Good morning all, I’m not sure if i’m being selfish or fair so please be honest.

Context, I’m 62, I have some health issues but I’m generally able to get on with most parts of life, I do find somethings quite overwhelming though.

Last night my DD messaged me, she has 3 children, twins who are 2 and a 4 year old. I love my granddaughters, I love spending time with them and I’m happy to have them occasionally. Currently they come for a sleep over every other month on a Saturday night and I may provide some ad-hoc childcare if and when it’s needed.
DD was asking if I would be happy to come to hers on alternating Sunday nights from 7ish to 9:30ish in the evening. She and her husband want to go to the mixed doubles group at the local tennis club (they already go to ladies and gents night but obviously the other just stays home with the kids).
She said her mother in law has offered to do every other Sunday.
She told me she would make sure the girls were bathed and in bed and they wouldn’t leave until 7:15 and it continues until 9pm then they would be back around 9:15-30.
I live 10 minutes away, DD said she would make sure either she or her DH be able to drive me home.
She said likely the girls wouldn’t be asleep just yet but the twins would be close and I could sit with her eldest and read with her then it would just be manning the house from about 8 onwards.

I said sorry no I can’t. Mostly as I have work at 8am on Mondays, I tend to be in bed for 8-9 most evenings and tbh I just don’t think it would be as easy as she is selling it, I imagine the children would be out of sorts since mummy and daddy were away and it’s a school night for the eldest so I would feel awful if I wasn’t able to get her down to sleep on time.
I do have 2 children, but there is 11 and a half years between them so I never had a phase of caring for multiple very small children and while I’m happy to do it on a Saturday where bedtime can go a bit off plan and it not matter, I’d worry on a school night.

When my mum called this morning I mentioned it to her and my mum has made me feel awful saying considering all they do for me (drive to appointments, cut my grass etc.), it would be a nice small way to say thank you and if son-in-laws mum can do it and she’s in a whole different town, why can’t I.

So AIBU to say no? Am I being selfish and ungrateful since they do things for me? Should I say yes and just see how it goes?

I think this is a bit feeble- you’re 62 not 82 and it really doesn’t sound that arduous.

I wouldn't be keen at all, Sunday is a crap day to have a messed about evening. However, I may be inclined to say I'd do it on the proviso that I was home by 9.30 at the latest. If it started creeping later than that, I wouldn't do it. t's your whole Sunday evening gone, which would piss me off and not set me up for a good start to my week.

I would do it just for the bond it would create.

my DS and MIL have such an amazing relationship due to this type of arrangement and now he is a teen actively chooses to hang out with Nan quite regularly.

Maybe trial it to see how it goes ? Your son-in-law does alot for you. It would be nice to reciprocate a bit.
Or do they have a spare room and you could stay the night if you think going to bed after 9pm is too late for you ?

Do you work FT? I'd be loathe to give up my Sunday night every week too.

I'm not sure why they take you to appointments. Are you 82, not 62!!!

They can find a babysitter easily. I've always paid for sitters. Don't have family locally.

OP, give it a trial run before an outright no! You can always have a nap in the afternoon if you think you’ll miss out on sleep.

They sounds amazing children and you should help in this situation.

It sounds like it’s as much of a commitment as the grass cutting

I'm a year younger than the OP and, to be totally frank, I'm usually in bed by 9pm.

I'm usually up by 6am in order to get to work. I'm in work at the moment (and taking five minutes to read MN!).

I'm biased because we managed with very little help but I don't think you're being unreasonable at all.

They sound lovely, cutting your grass every 2 weeks and taking you to your appointments. You’re 62 so still quite young. You don’t have to help them but it would be nice if you did. I’d love a relationship with my mum where we helped each other out.

You are only 62!

I’m the same age as you & would love to do this if I had grandkids.

It doesn’t sound that hard even.

Sometimes it’s good to get out of your comfort zone. Why not try it a few times & see how it goes?

Also completely disagree about giving it a trial run. I think it would be much harder to withdraw it once it's started

Am I being selfish and ungrateful since they do things for me?

Basically yes.
It sounds like you’re happy to take lots of help from them.

And I go to bed at 11 and am up at 6.30 and work pretty hard.

You're being selfish, at least admit it. Your excuses are all pretty much nonsense.

Who pays for the holiday?

Sunday evening is a bit of a faff but considering all they do for you I’d suck it up! I’m sure SIL would rather not spend every other Saturday mowing lawns but he does! I’d get ready for bed before hand have a shower, do skincare whatever you usually do put casual comfy clothes on and take a book to read then when you get home you can clean your teeth and hop straight into bed. Just be firm that you need to be home by 9.30 so they don’t go for drinks after and get delayed. Plus it’s only every other week.

I agree with your mum, they do things for you that you can’t manage easily. You can manage this easily and it’s for a nice reason, I would do it.

I can see why this day and time doesn't suit you but if you're needing lifts to appointments from them I would want to give something back.

If I were you I would have said...
YES, I'll give it a go for two months. (5 nights)
And I would prepare my Monday work lunch beforehand etc so I can wake up at 6:30am.

I'd be inclined to give it a go. It's every other week, so not to bad.
I get it, Sunday evening is kinda getting read for work time. But unless you are very busy on a Sunday with your own hobbies, you can get organised in time for babysitting.

I don’t think it’s completely black and white. You are 62 and still working with health conditions which understandably means early nights. Generally couples with young DCs don’t enjoy hobbies together at the same time if it requires a babysitter as that’s just the way the cookie crumbles.
However they are doing a lot for you and it seems a bit churlish not to even give it a go, say for one month and then review at the end of that.

It’s not every week.

It’s a couple of hours every fortnight. At least give it a try.