Should we sleep separately so children can have separate rooms?

[hibyebye]

We have a 3 bedroom house and one little boy who is 2 who has a single bedroom.
Also 2 step daughters who are 7 and 9 who have a large double bedroom to share when they stay.
We also have a double bedroom which is ours.

At home the girls have a bedroom each and are used to their own space and don’t always get along, one is autistic and prone to meltdown and for this reason their mum has said when they are with us 2 nights a week she wants them to have their own bedrooms.
She suggested either out 2 year old sleep in with us or we buy a sofa bed and give one of the girls our room.

She is very angry that we had our son as she says they would have a room each if we didn’t have him but actually we bought this home with a view to the girls having a double room to share and a spare room for a child we could have.

However the autistic child has a tendency to hit the older sister when they argue and this why they need to be separated when this happens which we do intervene and keep them apart until a meltdown ends, maybe 10/15 minutes.
AIBU to think we shouldn’t have to uproot our toddler into our room twice a week or completely re-do our lounge furniture to accommodate a sofa bed just so they can have a room each?

I admit a room each would work better but we had no idea she would be unkind to her sister and I’d rather work on that behaviour than accommodate it.

I would have the boy in with me full-time for a few years and look to move, extend, loft conversion etc. when he's 6ish.

Can the autistic girl have the little room and your son share with the other sister?

Why can't one of the girls sleep on a sofabed instead of in your room?

YANBU. It’s perfectly normal and reasonable to expect two full siblings of the same sex and similar ages to share a room for a couple of nights a week. Their mum sounds jealous and is massively overstepping.

However, since it is a large double bedroom, could you look into a room divider of some sort or strategically placed furniture to separate the girls?

I wouldn't want the girls to share in those circumstances either. I ensured a bedroom each for my children when I bought my house, as sharing became an issue for my autistic son and his younger brother.

It is a shame you intended for the girls to share when you actually had a spare room that you planned would be taken by a potential future sibling. It's of course your decision as the adults of the home, but not one I would have intentionally made.

Or, your 2 yo can sleep in your room 2 days a week when the girls visit

Agree to the room divider idea. Is that an option OP? The ex sounds like a meddling madam - how you arrange YOUR home and whether you have a DC or not is none of her damn business!

Autistic child gets box room

your son and non autistic child share big double

I know people who have had to share with their siblings til they left home. It is totally unrealistic to expect you to move out of your room or have you toddler in with you. Needs must and you do not have to justify your having a third child! Maybe a room divider which could be a simple curtain or something like these:

I think it’s more than reasonable for girls of their age to share. It doesn’t matter what happens at their mum’s house. Would bunk beds be better?

Can you build a divide down the middle of the big room for the two girls to share.

An IKEA Kallax shelf will give them a divide and storage

Suggesting the toddler and older girl share is a dreadful idea. What is she to do when he goes to bed hours earlier than her ?

How will your partner react when the non autistic child decides to no longer visit as she is fed up of being physically assaulted by her sister?

Who gives the mum permission to dictate what goes on in your own home. She no right to tell you to give up your own bedroom.
Where does she expect you to put a sofa bed, in your lounge.
You've given the girls a perfectly good place to sleep.

Maybe a solution would be to have the girls one at a time, that way the one that keeps getting hit will also get to have a break.

making accomodations would support her behaviour and allow her to have space/ quiet time etc. sensory needs met.

Unless the girls' mother is offering to buy you a larger house, she should keep her nose out.

I agree with the room divider idea. This is what I would do- your son stays in the box room. You have the smallest double. The girls get the biggest double and look at a way to split it. Even if its really small, at least they'll have their own space

How did you "have no idea she'd be unkind to her sister"? How did her own parent not know about her challenges? Did you never meet her before you had a child with her parent? I just don't understand how this issue could have come out of the clear blue sky.

I don’t think you should move your toddler but the sisters do clearly need to sleep separately so you have to find another solution. Forcing them to share while that results in one child being abused is not ok.

If it means you have to have a sofa bed or a bed in your room or one of the girls shares a bunk with your toddler, then so be it.

Why don't you get a single sofa bed for the lounge and the girls take it in turns weekly or monthly to sleep on it?

Ex is massively overstepping. She’s no right to dictate what goes on in your house and whether you have another child!

room divider is a great option.

I highly doubt that would work, dare say the mother of the girls would be complaining that the TV was on/OPer was living her life, in her own lounge, past 9pm and her DC couldn't sleep.

Son goes in your room and get a sofa bed downstairs for you and DH

the daughters don’t get on and one needs her own space

ultimately you didn’t think it through when you got the house or had a baby but you are where you are so make the best of a bad job but not at the girls expense

It’s got bugger all to do with her. I would consider giving the 2 girls the biggest bedroom if they don’t already have it, and see if it can be partitioned. I would also be reminding her that if she’s planting this into her girl’s heads she could be accused or parental alienation.

I don't think I'd move the toddler - he's there all the time, and the girls aren't old enough to be off at uni or something before he's unlikely to want to share with his parents anymore.

However, if I were the sister being hit by my sister I definitely think she's reasonable to want her own space!

So I suppose solutions would be -

• Sofa bed one night a week for each daughter
• Sofa bed two nights a week for you and DH
• room divider
• move to bigger house
• convert other room (dining room?) into another bedroom / part-time bedroom
• If you don't want a sofa bed, then a blow-up bed or folding mattress on the floor that can be hidden away when the girls aren't there / during the day?

The only answer you need to give. She doesn’t demand what happens in your home. I wouldn’t want the SN one with the toddler in case she hits him. And the older girl shouldn’t be stuck with the toddler. One girl gets the sofa bed or divide the room.
I would NOT be turfing my child out of his room to accommodate this. One big room is sitting empty 5 days of the week already. and not acceptable that everyone jumps around for them on the other 2 days. Just ignore her.