To think our DSs achievement is a lot down to me?

[Stayinganontoday]

I know it’s all his hard work, but I did a lot of the encouragement on the side.

For context he’s the first in his family to get into uni. His parents just finished secondary school and (and so did the previous generations).

Before I entered his life (he’s technically my stepson) he only aspired to get his GCSEs and go into social care.

Today he got his results and he’s going to a Russell Group uni.

Im extremely proud of him, but I also think he wouldn’t have don’t it without me. So AIBU for being so proud of myself? (and him obviously!)

I think the post you're quoting included a significant typo.

For 'would', read 'wouldn't' and the post makes more sense, particularly in light of the reference in the last sentence.

Of course not!

I only ask, because your persistance in saying how marvellous you have been to your stepson is now seeming very odd.
Not the action of all the Mothers I have know over 62 years.

They aren't. The conclusion to draw is you presented each child with what they needed and the work THEY chose to do and THEIR natural aptitude combined are what got the results.

You did normal parenting. That's all.

No they’re not. As one had a full cultural
and family pressure that the other didn’t.

All you did was normal parenting

This is very like when people think adopted kids should be grateful

You want to pay yourself on the back for turning his life around.

Why do you need this validation? For helping him realize his own potential? It's a weird and perverse mindset

I disagree. The giver should not need gratitude but it’s morally wrong and unnatural IMO for the recipient - at least in adulthood - not to feel it.

I don’t feel that I ‘owe’ my parents or other family for what they did for me as a child and subsequently, but I do feel profound gratitude and try to express that when appropriate.

In Scotland when praying, the line ‘ forgive us our trespasses as we forgive others’ is often said as ‘ forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors’. I’ve always added in my head ‘ and pay our debts’…. The world would be a better place if people reflected with gratitude on all that others have done for them and try to reciprocate or ‘pay it on’.

But at the same time I like the approach of when giving ( to charity) ‘don’t let your left hand know what your right hand is doing’. You shouldn’t be doing it for the kudos or public acclamation.

Getting to that point is more than coursework & personal statement.

it’s years of parenting- of choosing an education that the child felt happy & secure in (& could thrive). In providing a stable and happy home life. In giving the confidence to go for these things (even if you don’t have the academic ability to help with the writing of them).

you sound like a child yourself- & like you are getting one up on the parents!

Before I entered his life (he’s technically my stepson) he only aspired to get his GCSEs and go into social care.

I object to the ONLY in that sentence. Good carers are like gold dust. Let us hope that the route you have nudged him down proves to be the one that enhances his happiness.

I have a young relative who left school with only the basic two GCSEs and is now managing a care facility - he is a valued and successful member of his community and I am very proud of him.

A friend's daughter who went into social care straight after GCSEs is a regional manager for one of the UK's leading care home providers and has potential for further progression.

Her current salary of over £50,000 a year is more than any of her friends who went to university are earning and she has never had any debt apart from her mortgage.

She is the only one of her friends to own her home.

I think that you may have missed the 'they' word.

Your being selfish and YABU because he probably wouldve done it himself if he wanted to. Why do you need to demand a share of your stepsons achievments. Be happy for him, and proud of him for what hes achieving, he achieved it, not you

In good relationships with people who are respectful and raised to be self aware as well as successful it is fundamental to all humans who are close to be appreciated, understood and acknowledged. So you get my appreciation as does anyone who aims to help a child when they didn't habe to and probably in thst situation would get not even a small nod of gratitude. It isnt easy.

Rather pointless post. Are you trying to wind people up?

That's very different to the op wanting kudos for this boy's hard work