To think our DSs achievement is a lot down to me?

[Stayinganontoday]

I know it’s all his hard work, but I did a lot of the encouragement on the side.

For context he’s the first in his family to get into uni. His parents just finished secondary school and (and so did the previous generations).

Before I entered his life (he’s technically my stepson) he only aspired to get his GCSEs and go into social care.

Today he got his results and he’s going to a Russell Group uni.

Im extremely proud of him, but I also think he wouldn’t have don’t it without me. So AIBU for being so proud of myself? (and him obviously!)

I’m actually getting another undergrad (in Physics), but that’s more of a long term project.

And yet his “real” parents didn’t…

Incredible! I am in awe! Hope that goes well 😍

If you were his biological Mum you’d be being praised to the hilt. Stepparents are demonised on every MN thread. Well done for helping your stepson do so well and I hope he smashes life at uni.

Congratulations to you both! I do think a positive influence makes a huge difference!

Yes of course you have made a massive difference in his life. It's a great gift you have given him. A leg up for sure. I think it's fine to acknowledge your achievement in his achievement. Just keep it to yourself in real life. Good job 👍

I think you should be proud of yourself! But please don't say it out loud to anyone but your besties! It's not a good look!

No sorry completely down to him. He could have decided to ignore anything you said...but he didn't l.

I guess the real question is what do you expect from others? I think it’s perfectly fine for you to be quietly proud of yourself and pat yourself on the back for having made a difference for your son and helped him realize his potential. But I don’t think you should expect or want any public recognition of your contribution. You should remain in the shadows and let him enjoy the spotlight of achievement. So if you’re expecting somebody to come up to you, for example, and “say well done you!” then I think perhaps you’re expectations are unrealistic.

Raised by a narcissistic mother myself, and I have to agree.

Taking the credit for your step sons achievements, and telling us your daughter could have done better.

It doesn't sound great.

I don’t think any biological parent would be praised for wanting to take credit for their child’s work.

It is beyond bizarre to feel “proud of yourself” for a child’s achievements.

It’s then even more bizarre to claim that your DD’s academic failures aren’t your fault.

You can’t be responsible for success but not culpable for failure 😂🤷‍♀️

I think it’s lovely when a step-parent gets involved in a positive way.

I just cannot comprehend seeing a teen succeeding in their exams/university goals and thinking “he’s only achieved that because of me”.

As the OP herself has admitted, you can’t support a child that doesn’t want to put the work in themselves. Her DSS is the one that’s done all the revision, attended college, completed the work, and sat the exams - but OP thinks she is responsible for his success? Christ.

If she’d come on here and explained her DSS’ success and trajectory, she’d have received lots of complimentary comments about how kind she was to be so supportive. But to want actual credit for being responsible?! Absolutely not.

Self pride & all that…..no recommendation.

Encouragement and knowing someone has faith in you can do along way…. But don’t take credit for someone else’s hard work.

What is wrong with social care?

She didn't do the work so that's on her.
He did the work so that's on you?

Then this should be enough for you. Please stop telling everyone. I get that you have a masters and he is the first one in his family to go to uni, but it's his achievement.

No they’re different things completely. For my daughter school has been easy and she’s costed the whole time. Even her teachers say she’s overconfident and that plays against her. She was obviously the best one I. Her class so to her that was good enough. She’s always had big dreams (like becoming PM) and she’s always known she’d go to uni. Her father would never not let her go, so you’re comparing apples to oranges.

What do you want OP? A night out with DSS and his mates to celebrate their exam success?

It’s ‘coasted’. Dreaming of becoming PM? She sounds a chip off the old block

My child passed their driving test this week. My partner. Not child’s dad took them out and taught them in between lessons. When congratulated by my father he was embarrassed and wants everyone to know my child achieved this themselves not that he aided it. Thats a lovely attitude. Ultimately the child achieved on the day not the adult.