To think our DSs achievement is a lot down to me?

[Stayinganontoday]

I know it’s all his hard work, but I did a lot of the encouragement on the side.

For context he’s the first in his family to get into uni. His parents just finished secondary school and (and so did the previous generations).

Before I entered his life (he’s technically my stepson) he only aspired to get his GCSEs and go into social care.

Today he got his results and he’s going to a Russell Group uni.

Im extremely proud of him, but I also think he wouldn’t have don’t it without me. So AIBU for being so proud of myself? (and him obviously!)

Il faut cultiver notre jardin.

It's really nice that you have been able to support your DSS. Seeing him doing well should be your reward.

I'll bring the spade, Candide.

the person you missed out, was your DSS he knows you helped I am sure he will tell you when he is grown up. Now just enjoy it to yourself

OK. Bored now.

I voted YANBU. I'd like to retract that please.

Thank you.

How was I any different from a tutor? I would check that the thesis of the essay actually was logical and not all over the place. It’s not like I wrote it for him.

Do you not understand that the entire thing should be completely his own? A tutor who checked ANYTHING would be out of order. DD had ME, was bedridden and was home schooled...I tutored her from the set notes, (it was my MA specialty) but when it came to course work, I butted right out other than giving her the material, going over, as required, and as I always did with my own students, the bare parameters of the assessment and left her to it. I didn't look at what she had written until it had been despatched to the assessor. Of course, I wouldn't check anything, other than saying that she should be sure that she had read and adhered to ALL the instructions - my professionalism would be called in to question otherwise...but she would have policed it herself had I been tempted, and told me off! But I would never have done so, because I'd be teaching her that cheating is ok - and unfortunately, so many parents give that lesson to their own kids... something that dismays me after all these years of teaching.
Oh, and she achieved entry to a RGU, degree with 1st Class Honours, post-grad diploma, and now has a fantastic job. Despite the ME and the mother who insisted that she follow the rules 100%. Did he/you not have to sign a document verifying that it was all his own work? Which means, no-one "checked it". Perhaps standards are different these days...

The teachers would also check it and send back notes for him to work on…. Don’t see why I did was so different.

OK, so standards ARE very different from years ago. Amazing...is it any wonder that degrees are now so watered down. But don't you see, that you gave him help over and above that given by the teacher to every student, and with your MA, may well have greatly advantaged him...I bet other parents helping did not have that knowledge.

Quietly celebrating 😂😂😂 she's definitely not doing that is she? She's essentially saying he couldn't possibly do something on his own she's the worst kind of parent

Yes! Have a bit of secret pride in yourself for the work you put in to help him get great results.

DD is doing an integrated Masters in mathematical physics at a good RG uni. Everything apart from the straight As she gained in her A levels is irrelevant.
On result's day it was only those grades that mattered. Any normal parent wants the best for their DC. I did what you did, but it never entered my mind that this was DD's win, not mine, beyond being proud of her.

There you go then - they both said it would have been possible without you, so not sure why you’re determined to take the credit?! Well done to him & hope he makes the most of uni.

I think this is called parenting.

I have 3 academic high achievers (think Oxbridge).
They're first in the family to go to university.

I sowed the initial seed, provided the scaffolding.
But their achievements are THEIRS alone. I would not dream of taking the stance that you are.

Feel proud of yourself and him. Dont mention it if no one else notices. I have been a mum and a stepmother and while sad its ok to be proud of your children, as a stepmother it comes over very differently. My own DS1 got a first at uni for months I took the piss out of myself, because I wanted to include and did you know DS1 got a first. When a stepson who I supported encouraged and helped out practically became a Rugby star. I keep my mouth firmly shut. His mum never wanted him to play but was v proud of him.

Indeed!

If you were a decent SP you would encourage him to do an apprenticeship. Instead you have followed the sheep and given him a free pass to rack up huge debt and allow him to piss arse around for 3 years ( doing a course that if done full time, could be achieved in a year). Apprenticeships are the way forward, earn and learn at the same time. Instead you have a super inflated ego thinking that 'uni' is the best way forward. Newsflash...its not.

I don't think the OP has said what course he's doing. How do you know it isn't engineering or cybersecurity?

Good apprenticeships are also quite hard to find and very competitive - you can't just "go out and get one". And it might be they aren't available in the field the step son wants to work in.

I do think a lot of people have taken this post the wrong way - she’s not talking about shouting it from the rooftops, I read the post like she is quietly proud of herself too for the impact she’s had and why shouldn’t she be? This young man will look back and remember that she took the time and effort to help and support him (I hope). Well done you!

It's well known that the home environment makes the biggest difference to educational outcomes, so definitely give yourself a quiet pat on the back OP. And well done to him.

Wow, nasty! I think there’s a lot to be said for apprenticeships and have talked to my daughter about it but I think your comment is super harsh and your tone is nasty.

Id say its really good you bonded encouraged and supported your stepson through his education but mums do this anyway.
I think the achievement is his alone he did the work the exams .
I don't think a parent takes credit for these accomplishments we are just very proud that said child did really well is a better way of looking at the situation otherwise it reads that its all about you and you want the praise which is a bit off putting.
What he wanted to achieve before you got involved is still good in that he was trying and he had a plan and there was nothing wrong with that if he hadn't of achieved uni.

50% of apprenticeships end with the trainee dropping out. Sometimes they find they're just cheap labour with no actual training going on.

Of course they can be great too but "get an apprenticeship instead of going to uni" is often just code for "the wrong people are going to uni." I doubt it's a phrase Eton sixth formers hear very often.

Is this whole thing you trying to score against his actual Mother?