To think our DSs achievement is a lot down to me?

[Stayinganontoday]

I know it’s all his hard work, but I did a lot of the encouragement on the side.

For context he’s the first in his family to get into uni. His parents just finished secondary school and (and so did the previous generations).

Before I entered his life (he’s technically my stepson) he only aspired to get his GCSEs and go into social care.

Today he got his results and he’s going to a Russell Group uni.

Im extremely proud of him, but I also think he wouldn’t have don’t it without me. So AIBU for being so proud of myself? (and him obviously!)

But you done no more then help a child you have a realtionship with with things you are interested in. If you had a niece or nephew i would expect you would give advice on your field if they showed interest. Its what adults do to help people they care about. They dont take credit for it. You dont sound proud of your dd in the same way as she didnt follow your rules. DSS wanted to do well and did thats down to him even if he failed you should be proud if he tried.

Yep. Make it all about you OP.

Well done OP. By coming into his life you’ve opened up what is possible and enabled him to aspire to achieve. You should be rightly proud. He, of course, has knuckled down and done the graft but it might not have been in his mindset if you’d not been there. Ignore the posters who are denigrating you 😞.
It’s why role models are so important in all sorts of walks of life to demonstrate that people ‘like you’ can do x,y or z.

Whatever. Their mum is still their mum and I think it shows horribly narcissistic tendencies to try and use words to minimise her role.

I see *step" as a positive word not something that needs to be pretended away. Step relationships can bring all kinds of positives. Pretending they are something else is when it becomes harmful.

You might have inspired or motivated him but he put in the graft.

Celebrate your own success and dont take his

But how is not doing well due to the child but doing well is due to you?

My daughter is looking at getting a pmace at a Russell group uni. I've encouraged her all the way, and very proud of her. But its HER hard work thats got her there. Not mine.

He might not be thanking you when he has 60k debt and is struggling academically because your 'help' in your Msc subject and writting his personal statement masked his real abilities or motivation for what he wanted to do. If he really wanted to do something other that what he has now been 'supported' in doing, he will probablyend up doing it anyway.
You are way too invested in this as an achievement reflected on you.

Yes definitely make it about yourself.

You sound a lot like my mum OP. All my achievements were hers, or because of her, or down to her etc etc. Only they weren’t, they were mine.

I hope this is not real. Narcissism right there. Most people do not pat themselves on the back for helping/cheering on. He did the exams. Nothing wrong with social care either.

He will know. There's no way he will not know. You can barely contain your self congratulations on here, there's no way in real life you can detach to the extent that he doesn't know.
But the important part of all your posts is how dismissive you are about your daughter and your attitude to her. I wonder why she has such a disconnection from your need to live vicariously through children's academic achievements. I would suggest she sussed you out years ago.

This.

you Should be proud indeed but on the inside if you say anything it might take away from his feelings of accomplishment a very stepmom behaviour if he was yours you would just feel proud no matter how big of a part you played in his success .

Of course you should be proud. You can't ever underestimate the impact of interested, engaged, supportive and loving parents.

You should be proud, but on the inside. A big part of the discussion around why white working-class boys are falling behind is what happens at home. It’s obviously not the only factor, but it is an important one that nobody wants to talk about that part. Love is not enough.

wow - you’ve been in his life a few years, claim him as your son and you are taking all the credit for his academic achievements despite being unable to use apostrophes
I’m surprised you lowered your standards to be with your DH with him being so stupid and such an incompetent parent - thank god for you - the walking red flag

I mean you clearly helped but you didn’t do the work - he did!

Yes you can feel happy that he did so well and proud of your positive input but keep that feeling you contributed in your head.

We all feel proud when our children achieve well, and of course parental help and attitude makes a huge difference in any child’s life, but we should never steal their thunder

Good point CopperCC 👍

I can’t believe that someone is SO vain they’d genuinely write this post 🤣

I’m cringing for you OP!

Big congratulations to your stepson for HIS achievement.

You supported him during his revision and exams, you're allowed to be proud but it's making you sound a bit of a dick swanning about saying he's passed all thanks to you. Surely his dad supported him too. I have a son who's awaiting his GCSE results next week and I sure as hell won't go around telling everyone it's thanks to me if he passes because he's the one who slogged over those exams not me. Whilst I've always been his only present and supportive parent it's not down to me how well he does, he's done all the work himself. The way you've written this post reads like you want the family to all shower you with thanks for him doing well

Where’s his mum? Why isn’t she doing the grunt work?

I think when your step son is older, he will look back and recognise the help you have given. Your relationship strengthened which is the biggest thing to celebrate. You should be proud of that and of course his achievements. Have you thought about more study? Maybe a PHD? Maybe this has sparked a desire in you to be celebrating further academic achievement?

See everyone? SHE - the Stepmother- put the effort in, she believed in him and she modelled something more than his own blood family did.

sometimes people come into our lives and they help our kids see further.

my own DH has definitely inspired my DS to want more for himself, to work hard and attain his own self worth.

my PT has just told me what to do for the last couple of years, I’ve lifted all the weights, I’ve squatted all the squats. I am extremely fit, toned and strong. Is he proud? Pleased with what he’s coached me to achieve? Damned right! Has he done any of my exercises with me? No. Until this month where he’s also training in the class with us, and I definitely kept up with him and pushed him as he pushed me.

This lad’s lecturers at college will have put in effort and helped him dream bigger too.

but a step mother? Being a positive influence in a young lads life? That’s just too much for the frankly pathetic first wives club lot here.

well done @Stayinganontoday its great see when the effort you’ve made pays off for the one you’re trying to help. You’ve coached him to get there, you’ve been there and you’ve used your experience and education to help him want more from life.

so yeah love, be proud of him and pleased with yourself for being a part of his journey.

You may not believe in the term "step" in regards to family members, but the fact that you have mentioned a couple of times in previous posts that you have established boundaries in your household for the non-biological children shows that he is your step son. That's not to say you don't have a (possibly important) role in his life.

With regards to whose achievement his results are, they're his results and his achievement. You can think what you want. BUT this should be an inside thought. You've mentioned it to at least two people in your life and thousands of strangers on here. Next time you have a thought like this, keep it to yourself. Maybe get yourself a self-congratulatory cupcake and enjoy a private moment of self indulgence.