When is enough, enough. 33YO husband, still unable to be an adult and take the reign.

[13MAPARTHELL]

Ive had enough.

2 kids / 4&5

hes self employed job has caused us issues since day 1, hes iliterate on a computer, he cant make phone calls to companies really, hes extremely unreliable.

he ears triple what I earn, never saved a penny, no pension, no life insurance, no nothing

meanwhile, I have 2 kids with additional needs, work full time, set them up an ISA when born, have life insurance set up, savings account, do all cleaning & cooking & life admin.

it feels like hes taking the piss, i do so much for him and im always made to feel the bitch, because im not a little sweet girl who will do everything for him without a fight (like his mother) who btw, now has nothing to do with him, sometimes i dont blame her.

the kind where you do it all, but youll never get a happy birthday 😂

biggest ick and turn off ever, is it to much to ask for a man who can provide even somewhat? I actually wouldn’t chose to wear the trousers in such a significant way?

anyone else tired of these useless ‘men’

So why did you marry him and reproduce not once but twice?
Surely this level of uselessness hasn’t sprung up out of the blue?

we are NOT married! And i actually hate it when people say this, why does anyone get with their ex? Its a stupid thing to say.

its obvious as you get older, you grow, some dont grow, you have more children, your responsibilities become MORE and so on.

And of course - my kids are very close in age, otherwise I absolutely wouldn’t have!

Your title literally says he is your husband?

And even if you’re not, was he useless before having child 1? In the period after child 1 was born? Or was he a great father who duped you only after child 2 came about.
No issue with getting with someone but making major life choices is another thing.

Well you did write husband. But even without being married you’ve made a lifelong commitment.

Surely all these traits were evident before you had children? Ie didn’t have any savings.

You say his job causes issues, but that he out earns you, so his illiteracy and communication issues don’t effect his ability to earn. What are your dcs additional needs? Could that have inherited them from their father?

Oh what the hell so I did! Silly me haha

my forst baby was 3 months old when I fell pregnant again, so it really was too soon to tell! Prior to that, our rent was extremely cheap & life was certainly very different

He works in construction, hard for me as ive yad to just now take a 6 month work break just for their appointments / summer holidays etc, when I am thriving at work, because hes never made any financial decisions that allow him to take a day off, and be able to survive losing that days money if that makes sense.

If you are not married why put husband in post title?

I read so many posts most stating husband, im really unsure why I wrote husband 😂😂

100% not married, that would involve savings!

i also have the same last name, so people assume we are but we are not, i think ive got used to people referring to him as husband

Why don’t you pool money why’s it all separate? Anyway you hate him so leave.

But he earns three times what you do and is self employed - what stops him taking time off, because it’s clearly neither money nor his boss?

I do know that construction is relentless, and ideally he would be looking for a longer term plan because his body will be wrecked. Could he employ you/someone else to do more admin, set up insurance etc? It doesn’t sound like you operate as a team?

He IS taking the piss. The good news is, you can choose to live without him.

But his construction company is successful?
It is difficult taking time off when you work for yourself. He needs the business to be big enough that he can pay other people to do the work and sit back and bit to enjoy the spoils. Depends what stage the business is at. He needs a good team he can rely on.

Could you or he find someone to mentor him on building up the business?

is he actually illiterate? Is he dyslexic?

Cut and run, unless you fancy fighting a losing battle for the rest of your life.

He wont let me see his online banking, red flag much!

hes sub contracted, he tried to be self employed, and it was utterly horrific and we lost everything, because hes not an adult

i think I will leave reading my own comments 😭

Hes sub contracted, he did have his own business and it completely run us into the ground, we lost all my savings because of it & essentially he has 0 people skills, no social media, he forgets to reply to people etc, if something happened to anyone in the family, he would he the absolute last person to ever know about it, thats how bad it is! He cant send an email, he cant be on time the list goes on!

No thanjs haha!

First post for the win. Every single time.

So you just wanted posters to tell you to leave him?

If it’s what you want you can. But you have made a commitment. You have children. You will always be connected to him. I wouldn’t leave him based on your posts. All I see is that you’re more organised and more involved with the kids.

You haven’t answered my question re the additional needs of your dc. ND and send are often hereditary so you may well be able to find ways for him to work smarter.

It’s up to you though. You don’t need permission.

Top tip - try to hold off having kids till you are sure you have a keeper - bit late now though.

LTB. Simple. Figure it out on your own with your kids. Good luck.

You’ve run this man into the ground. He can’t do the basics of running a business. It’s unusual for a person so
young, to be computer illiterate and not be able to even send an email. You’ve had two children with this man. Maybe time to cut your losses and start again?

You won’t leave, OK. So talk to him about pooling money or paying you for things. Why can’t he send an email? If he’s young enough to have children that young he’d have had computers at school and grown up with them

I don`t know what you want mumsnet to say really other than leave him.
So leave him problem solved.

What do you get out of this relationship? Why put up with it?