When is enough, enough. 33YO husband, still unable to be an adult and take the reign.

[13MAPARTHELL]

Ive had enough.

2 kids / 4&5

hes self employed job has caused us issues since day 1, hes iliterate on a computer, he cant make phone calls to companies really, hes extremely unreliable.

he ears triple what I earn, never saved a penny, no pension, no life insurance, no nothing

meanwhile, I have 2 kids with additional needs, work full time, set them up an ISA when born, have life insurance set up, savings account, do all cleaning & cooking & life admin.

it feels like hes taking the piss, i do so much for him and im always made to feel the bitch, because im not a little sweet girl who will do everything for him without a fight (like his mother) who btw, now has nothing to do with him, sometimes i dont blame her.

the kind where you do it all, but youll never get a happy birthday 😂

biggest ick and turn off ever, is it to much to ask for a man who can provide even somewhat? I actually wouldn’t chose to wear the trousers in such a significant way?

anyone else tired of these useless ‘men’

I think you sound like a bully.

More of a stupid thing to do isn't it, than say? Why have kids with him?

Story I’m that person. Your thread keeps popping and each time I see it my inner grammar/spelling nazi gets too loud.

It’s ‘take the reins’ as in steer/drive/be in control.

You are getting an absolute hammering in these comments OP, I'm sorry. But I think it's fatigue from reading thread after thread after thread of useless men/women who won't let them die out and instead keep breeding with them. They are projecting all their frustrations on to you.

You know what you have to do - best of luck.

Only you can know if your husband is so useless you need him to become an ex-husband. Could you manage financially and practically without him?

Oh girl just leave him

Life will get so much better when you give up and leave him to it

Literally just block and ignore him 😩, you can arrange a child visitation schedule by email

Your partner/husband/significant other sounds like he works hard. He probably went the trade route because he didn’t do so well in school & wanted to do something practical. He earns triple what you do so is clearly providing for his family.

however, the way you write about this man, you clearly do not like him.

Are you really going to stay in a relationship with him for the next 13/14 years at least?

Sounds like you’d be better off leaving and putting him on CSA.

Tbh OP what were you expecting? You got with a useless man and chose to procreate with a useless man. Why do you expect him to suddenly change when him being useless did not stop you settling down with him?

Well, you can either stay and carry him or you can take the dcs and leave.

I have one dc by equally financially foolish man. Not unintelligent just absurdly risk-taking.

I took ds and got out. That was 16 years ago. Now we have a happy secure home, ex had his house repossessed.

You have to take decisive action to protect your own finances. He already cost you your savings. You have children to prioritise.

Sounds to me like he needs a secretary. He has certain skills in construction but clearly not organisational skills. If he earns good money he can afford an assistant whose efficiency would help him earn and save even more. As a wife, I would offer that role but DH would need to be on board with sharing accounts, billing, investments etc. As you are not married, you need to decide if you are a couple intimate enough to share such aspects of a relationship. If not, you sh

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as you are not married you need to decide whether you want to invest your time in keeping him on the straight and narrow and make a success from his working life. If DH will not let you, or anyone else, access to his books and finances and tech log ins then you have your answer, and you cannot move forward out of the situation. Do you love him?

So so true, it's endless every day on here, Its one of the many reasons I chose not to have kids.

Ops partner will never step up because he simply doesn't want to and doesn't need to as she will do everything anyway. She can either carry on or leave.

YANBU but your argument about 'growing' is ridiculous. He hasn't changed, he's the same as he always was and you chose to have two DC with him. That's unfortunate, because now you're stuck with him as the father of your DC.

I agree.
He's not abusive, earns 3 times more than the OP who appears to slag him off for his illiteracy but does not appear to be that great at this in this regard, either.
And no I am not being a bitch here: if this were not amongst her list of complaints, I would not mention it!

Poor sod. Imagine being mocked by somebody for your illiteracy who's not that great themselves.
Doesn't even realise that in terms of legality being a 'dp' or 'dh' is very different.

As this is mumsnet, I suspect she just expects everybody to join in with as she's a woman she's oh so superior.

No.

So what do you want?
You don’t like him, he gives you the ick, he’s lazy but you want to stay? Like his pay packet no doubt.

is it to much to ask for a man who can provide even somewhat?
It actually really is too much to ask for when you know this about someone but STILL enter a relationship with them:
"has caused us issues since day 1"

If this man from day 1, as YOU say, has caused problems you can't really stand here now and be surprised that he's still a problem today. What you get on day 1, you also get on day 1001. So in this case, a man that causes problems. Congratulations.

Next time, if you want a reliable and self-sufficient man, date someone who's reliable and self-sufficient from day 1...

He earns just over 2000 a month 😂😂😂

and i dont get rent or bills from him, he’s constantly in debt from forgetting to pay for bills.

Purely stay for my children

You could not be more wrong.

hes cheated on me twice
hes is significant debt JUST from making silly mistakes
hes illiteracy i am referring to the fact he cannot make a drs appointment, he cannot apply for a job, he cannot make a phone call to a bill company, he cannot order a food delivery etc. he cannot remember simple things, if I asked him 4 times to get something, sure as hell he will come back empty handed. He earns more than me (currently im earning nothing) and gives me 0 money, to the point that UC have agreed to treat me as a single claim through supplied bank statements, as hes got himself in that much debt just for forgetting things.

As others have asked - what are your kids additional needs? Does he gave the same needs? Do you think your kids will be the same when older?

He's hopeless in every way but he manages to earn three times what you do. So perhaps not that useless. Maybe he should take a basic computer skills course. Why is leaving always the answer on here rather than how to make things better. Obviously that doesnt apply in cases of abuse.

Car crash of a relationship
Car crash of a thread