AIBU to expect my parents to manage one vegan barbecue meal?

[veganbbqdrama]

Surely most people can survive if they have just one vegan meal ???!!!

My parents have decided they don’t think they can attend a bbq at my house due to the fact we are a vegan family and they are worried about ‘nutrition gaps’ !!!

Neither have any health conditions.

It’s one meal and we are offering a wide variety of things plus desserts. I said to then if they don’t fancy it that’s fine but they said it’s because they are worried about the food, and asked could they bring their own (no! ) or would I get them a few bits they can eat (non vegan) to which I said I can’t have it in the house.

Surely they could just come for a drink and eat later at home ? They are making such a fuss ?? It’s not like we are pushing veganism or the ethics behind our choice we weren’t planning on talking about it just having a nice family get together !

All of that is true except the impact on the person without the beliefs is wholly different. People don’t eat pork for every meal and kosher meat doesn’t taste a different to non-kosher meat. As a guest you could very well be invited to a bbq and be totally unaware that it was a “Jewish bbq”. The same cannot be said of the vegan bbq being discussed.

I do think the "Oh my God your piece of meat touched by courgette, now it's contaminated and I'll have to throw it away" mindset is childish.

Sounds delicious, enjoy

All this discussion of what people can eat, which vegan foods will be served, what vegan foods some people think are tasty etc are all irrelevant. OP's parents are allowed to politely decline any invitation they like for any reason whatsoever. And that's that. The only appropriate response is to gracefully accept that they have declined. Anything else is disrespecting their autonomy to make their own choices, and veers towards being controlling.

My Jewish friends have a hell of a lot more rules than just not eating pork.

We don't meet for food.

I have no Hindu friends.

The, "leafy suburbs" of the SW of England seem fairly beige and vanilla in tastes compared to some places I've lived.

This is an interesting one. On one hand they are being unreasonable, as no, one meal won't obviously harm them at all. But on the other hand, if you asked to bring your own bits to their BBQ and they said no, how would you react and feel?

Veganism isn't a religion. The OP won't break God's law by eating a courgette that's touched a sausage.

Meeting in the middle is me respecting their choice and them respecting mine. Eating vegan food when I don't want to is me changing my choice to accommodate them. Expecting them to eat or provide meat, or allow me to bring meat, would be asking them to change their choice to accommodate me.

The genuine middle ground is neither one of us asks the other to compromise. We each make our own choices and, where those choices are in conflict, we socialise in a more neutral setting.

Ironically, as I have already said, I do choose to accommodate vegans, vegetarians and other dietary choices, but I wouldn't not to serve something just because someone else's beliefs don't allow that food.

More about feeling ignored, invalidated, unimportant in society, dictated to, powerless, judged...

Oh woe is me! Who will think of the vegans? 🙄

Get a grip. Choosing a particular diet and occasionally finding that other people don't want to organise their own eating around it does not make you powerless, invalidated or unimportant in society.

I had dinner with a vegan once whose pizza had an accidental piece of ham on it, obviously from a pizza being made next to it and omg the FUSS and she then left half the pizza that had been “contaminated”. Surely food waste is worse if you care about the environment?

All of that is true except the impact on the person without the beliefs is wholly different.

You are missing the point. The strength of someone's feelings about something is a measure of how important it is to them. It does not, and should not, detemine how much control or influence they have over others making legitimate alternative choices. Nor should it mean their choices get proritised.

What is wrong with live and let live? Why should meat eaters just bend to the will of vegans because the vegan feels more strongly. That is utter authoritarian madness!

You misunderstand me so you've decided to insult me. Never mind. I refuse to believe that the outrage people seem to feel is really caused not getting a bit of meat to eat at one particular meal. I think it's about a lot more than that.

I don't think that a refusal to compromise can be described as "the genuine middle ground" either. You seem very rigid in your thinking.

What is wrong with live and let live? Why should meat eaters just bend to the will of vegans because the vegan feels more strongly. That is utter authoritarian madness!

This is the complete opposite of my point though - I agree that it is NOT unreasonable to want to bring your own food to a vegan household but that it would be UNNECESSARY and NON-COMPARABLE to bring pork to a Jewish household

I'm happy to answer!
Nope I would not expect my Jewish friends to buy and cook pork, or my vegetarian ot my vegan friends.

But, if I was to say oh can I bring my own, prepared pork sausage roll, they would be absolutely fine with this.
They value my company and I value theirs. We would not fall out over food preferences... unlike op and other MN vegans.

We are at cross purposes - I don't think you should take meat to a vegan barbeque or pork to a Jewish household unless they invite you to. To me they are equivalent because I do not hold religious beliefs above other choices.

Get the beyond burgers and don't tell them they are vegan. I gave them to a friend, we told her after she'd eaten that they are vegan and she said she couldn't tell the difference.

That's a really silly thing to do, they could have a bad reaction to something they unknowingly eat

So does the Op demand vegan at her parents house? This is the problem isn’t it. The vegan overtakes everything and no one else matters. I think the parents are being stupid but are making a stance for a diet they care about. I suspect you expect them to accommodate you and you should find a way to accommodate them. Vegan is not top trumps. We would not knowingly invite anyone who is vegan to our house at all. Too much hassle and judgement.

Cant see why vegans cant eat the occasional meat item....

Are you familiar with what the word "vegan" means?

Honestly, some of these responses...

Indeed yes I am.
Can you explain why it trumps everything else?

you've decided to insult me.

I didn't insult you. You must admit that was a bit melodramatic and judgemental.

Yes, I am rigid in my thinking that meat eaters and vegans have equal rights. I am proud to hold that position. The mirror to society you think you are holding up is not what you think it is. Society is at breaking point and rights are being eroded, but on this thread it would be the rights of meat eaters to exercise their choice not to eat vegan food if they don't want. Pure base on making other people feel better/ blind faith and at the expense of their own feelings.

What's the difference between omnivore lettuce, vegan lettuce and vegetarian lettuce?🙄

So true 😆

I don't think its helpful to call the OP a bitch. It's their house and their rules - is enough, IMO. Their parents are free to decide to agree to the terms of the invite or not. They just should not be judged for it.

😅