AIBU to expect my parents to manage one vegan barbecue meal?

[veganbbqdrama]

Surely most people can survive if they have just one vegan meal ???!!!

My parents have decided they don’t think they can attend a bbq at my house due to the fact we are a vegan family and they are worried about ‘nutrition gaps’ !!!

Neither have any health conditions.

It’s one meal and we are offering a wide variety of things plus desserts. I said to then if they don’t fancy it that’s fine but they said it’s because they are worried about the food, and asked could they bring their own (no! ) or would I get them a few bits they can eat (non vegan) to which I said I can’t have it in the house.

Surely they could just come for a drink and eat later at home ? They are making such a fuss ?? It’s not like we are pushing veganism or the ethics behind our choice we weren’t planning on talking about it just having a nice family get together !

Not IN the house but certainly in the garden, which is where I’d assume the barbecue was.

And why might that be do you think?

I’ve said this already but seeing as they have made the same point twice themselves - even smokers don’t smoke in the house these days so not really a comparison

On Saturday I'm going to have my animal carcass BBQ, throw on a few vegan/veggie/halal/ dairy free/gluten free/any other free alternatives onto to a different griddle and allow anyone that chooses to have a few disgusting smokes at the end of the garden, cause I like my friends and family and realise everyone can make their own choice, not for me to police and I don't think this makes me less intelligent or worthy than anyone else. Good grief ....

Could be many reasons.
But they could eat meat if they wanted.

Go on, give us your top three out of the many.

Not wanting animals to be killed.
Objection to the way animals are treated before slaughter.
Don't like the taste of meat
Better for the environment to not eat meat.
No idea if these are the top reasons.

im sorry OP but it’s really funny. It’s absolutely rediculous it’s like they’ve never had a salad or beans before? I’m not vegan but would be more than happy to have a vegan meal to spend time with friends or family! YANBU! Xx

You don’t have a very wide imagination then do you viv :) vegan burgers and sausages exist but you can also do a wide variety of bbq veggies

I'd say that's a reasonable stab at many people's reasons. So while most vegans can eat meat, surely you can understand why they feel pretty strongly that they shouldn't? And similarly you can see why it's usually a much bigger deal for those people who at least loosely believe in vegan principles to eat meat, than it is for those who don't, to eat vegan food?

Last bbq I did we started off with peppers, which we then blitzed with walnuts into a muhammara dip. Barbecued some flatbreads to go with it. Then did tofu, onion and courgette skewers with a souvlaki marinade. And mushroom, aubergine and spring onion skewers with a miso marinade. Plus some corn on the cobs.
Veggies are amazing at soaking up the smoky flavour.

We all get it ,vegans can't eat meat because of their very strong principles and they cant let other people eat meat in their homes because of their very strong principles
They can't let guests bring in their own non vegan food to their homes because of their very strong principles .
They are very strongly principled people and the rest of are not and therefore must always provide food that the strongly principled people need to eat when they come to our homes.

Yes, I didn't say that vegans should eat meat just that they could.

Those who are not vegan do not have to give higher weighting to a vegans choice over their own.

Surely you can understand that meat eaters and vegans have an equal right to have their positions respected. Those rights are not yours to judge and give away.

Why do you and/or other vegans and meat eaters feel entitled to do that?

Then I don't see the point of your post sorry. I mean there's no shortage of vegan food (at present at least) so there is no need for vegans to eat meat. If people are cooking a dish with meat and don't want to cook something different for a vegan, the vegan can just eat the parts they can eat. Soup would be a problem but then I'd guess they'd just eat the bread.

Some people feel like that but not me.

And similarly you can see why it's usually a much bigger deal for those people who at least loosely believe in vegan principles to eat meat, than it is for those who don't, to eat vegan food?

Was that not you?

I dunno, but can I come please, it sounds delicious.

Fully fledged lifelong meat eater here.

But I'm not stopping anyone doing anything. You can bring meat to my vegan bbq if you like. I was responding to the pp who said vegans can eat meat which many technically can, but that it's a bigger deal for them to eat meat than for non-vegans to not eat meat. That's just a fact. People struggle more with a positive (meat for a vegan) than an absence (no meat for an omnivore). It's not about one group's rights trumping another.

Right, but the point still stands that it's ridiculous for meat eaters to act like there's some really compelling reason why they can't possibly eat... checks notes ... er, the exact same vegetables they presumably eat the rest of the time, just without meat or dairy, for ONE MEAL. Non-vegans who make a big deal of going a few hours without meat or dairy are just being contrarian and difficult for the sake of it. That's all there is to it.

You might prefer a barbecue with meat - I know absolutely do! But when you go round someone's house for a meal, you don't get to ask them to cook your favourite meal, you eat what they've cooked, even if it's not your favourite, even if they're not that good a cook... You can't just insist they cook your favourite ingredient just because you fancy it, and then act like you'll suffer a health crisis if you don't get your favourite ingredient with every meal 😂It's so pathetic and childish.

Completely agree, but can't imagine the vegans eating what I would normally cook on BBQ if they hadn't informed me they were vegan 😀

Meat eaters don't have to provide a compelling reason for choosing not to eat vegan food. They have an equal right to make their choices based on what they prefer, no further justification is needed. That choice carries as much weight as a vegan's.

So the answer for you is to not go to any event where the host is providing vegan food only. Which is what the OP's parents have decided to do. So it's all good.

Surely you can understand that meat eaters and vegans have an equal right to have their positions respected. Those rights are not yours to judge and give away.

The "meat eaters' position" is that we are fine with eating meat and other animal products. Not that we HAVE to have at least one animal product every time we ingest anything. For god's sake, no one has a NEED to ingest meat and dairy with every meal, it's not a physical, nor a moral need. As you prove every time you eat an apple, or a packet of crisps, or a bowl of chips with ketchup, or have beans on toast with margarine.

Do they like this kind of food and eat some of it normally? Out of the 6 main dishes you named, I'd eat 2 of them. Id also likely have after effect. Its not a fabulous prospect if you dont like or eat the food on offer. It does sound like maybe they are making excuses but that doesn't mean they should just go along with it.