AIBU to expect my parents to manage one vegan barbecue meal?

[veganbbqdrama]

Surely most people can survive if they have just one vegan meal ???!!!

My parents have decided they don’t think they can attend a bbq at my house due to the fact we are a vegan family and they are worried about ‘nutrition gaps’ !!!

Neither have any health conditions.

It’s one meal and we are offering a wide variety of things plus desserts. I said to then if they don’t fancy it that’s fine but they said it’s because they are worried about the food, and asked could they bring their own (no! ) or would I get them a few bits they can eat (non vegan) to which I said I can’t have it in the house.

Surely they could just come for a drink and eat later at home ? They are making such a fuss ?? It’s not like we are pushing veganism or the ethics behind our choice we weren’t planning on talking about it just having a nice family get together !

A vegan might find eating meat a bigger deal than a meat eater finds eating a meal without meat. But that isn't really the point. They do not have the right to dictate what others eat. They can choose what they are prepared to offer, and a meat eater has the right to accept that choice or politely decline it.

That's been my point all the away along. But some people can't handle that and think it is "pathetic". For them only vegans get to exercise choice without judgement.

If I was invited to a vegan barbecue, I would simply decline. If the hosts had already said people were welcome to bring meat, I might attend, but I certainly wouldn't ask them to change their beliefs/choices to accommodate mine. I would respect them and make my own decision, without judgement, about the invite.

What I object to is the suggestion that my choice is somehow less valid because not eating meat isn't as big a deal for me as eating meat would be for a vegan. They are entitled to their food / by product choices and boundaries, and so am I.

Surely forcing guests to follow your vegan life style is very poor hosting? If you visit them you will demand vegan food I presume? So good hosting works both ways….Yes,you are being selfish. This issue really irritates me. Just make them a quiche….with a smile.

Im a meat eater but love vegan food too. Maybe its a generation thing and they are just a bit stuck in their ways.

but as I have explained, for some people they aren't
" the exact same vegetables they presumably eat the rest of the time,"

They should be able to eat a vegan meal, however as someone allergic to mushrooms (or any fungus for that matter) I would need assurance that any food I had was mushroom free and not cooked with any mushroom products.
But vegan foods would include many other alternatives I would have thought and personally I love a gooey vegan chocolate brownie as it always tastes so good.

I have had IBS since well before my 30's but it wasn't really a diagnosed "thing" then. it has got worse as I have got older but believe me for me its not being "stuck in my ways"

but as I have pointed out saying "a vegan meal" is like saying "a salad" Its always going to depend on the ingredients.

You're not "forcing someone to follow your lifestyle" by cooking them ONE MEAL. And it's not the same thing at all when one side has a moral objection to a certain type of food, while the other side has a preference to have a certain type of food included, but is also perfectly capable (from a health, moral and taste standpoint) of eating vegetables too. It might not be the most delicious meal you've ever had, but it doesn't actually go against any of your moral principles to not eat meat for one meal. My mate Connor is a bit of a rubbish cook, but he tries his best, so I always go round with a smile on my face and eat his overcooked, dry offerings, and I don't pretend I have a moral objection to eating food without a certain moisture content.

I was going to flippantly say that a lot of the responses on these types of threads make me think urgent research is needed into whether eating meat causes cognitive decline.

But it seems, in the case of red meat, that has already been demonstrated and confirmed.

Explains a lot!

Does this family take pride in seeing who can be the most bloody-minded? Yes, of course your parents are being ridiculous. Equally, you "can't have [their non-vegan shit] in the house"? Really? If this isn't for an allergy or no-holds-barred religious observance like kosher, you absolutely can. Everyone needs to grow up.

veganism is a protected philosophical belief in the U.K. - it’s very much analogous to a religious observance.
I’m not a vegan or vegetarian but I think these ethical positions are at least as worthy of respect as religious beliefs.

As is the right not to observe religious or other beliefs.

No, but they could welcome guests who brought their own cooked pork chops and augratin potatoes. Or, something from the RFK, jr diet—-some kind of meat and sauerkraut. And their own plates and cutlery. But, ideally, their guests would just eat whatever their hosts had prepared, unless there was some health-related reason not to. It’s one meal, ffs.

Why don’t you just cater for your parents preferences and cook the food they like and you can cook what you like for yourselves?

Bigotry - "The state of mind of a bigot; obstinate and unreasoning attachment of one's own belief and opinions, with narrow minded intolerance of beliefs opposed to them."

Yep, they're very clearly bigoted against veganism as they are refusing to eat a single meal without meat or animal products and pretending they have concerns about nutrition to attempt to justify their bigotry.

That's fine, they're allowed to be bigots against veganism. They just don't go to the barbie, and OP doesn't bother inviting them again.

People are allowed to be bigots against all sorts of things. Vegans have the right to their beliefs, anti vegan bigots are allowed to exclude them and avoid them.

Such is life.

Of course, but that's not a relevant comparison.

If a Jewish person declines pork because it isn't kosher, they are observing their religious beliefs.

If a non-Jewish person, at any given moment in time, is not actively eating pork, they're not observing a religious belief - they're just not eating pork at that specific moment.

not my post, but…

Beans on toast - always with cheddar on top (as it’s bland otherwise)
Avocado on toast - always with a poached egg, salt and chilli (otherwise bland)
Ratatouille - as a side dish to meat or fish, never on its own as it needs protein
Tom/mushroom soup is always - cream of…
don’t eat bubble and squeak or a veggie stew as again…needs protein

absolutely no need to advertise your bbq as a ‘vegan bbq’ it’s all for dramatics. What a waste of coal to make some veg.

They don't like it! They think it's missing something , as do lots of people on the thread. They're allowed to have food preferences.
It's the OP who is trying to make people do what she does and is intolerant of others' preferences.

I think she doesn’t want to be party to a practice that violates her core beliefs. I think she would object also if they brought prepared food for themselves that includes meat or cheese, and so on. Her parents seem like meat and two veg kind of people. It’s awkward.

It's not unreasonable to think their position is a bit bizarre. I'm going to hazard a guess that 'being a bit bizarre' in relation to vegan food is pretty normal for them, in which case the 'nice family get together' isn't ever going to happen over a vegan meal. Sure, it's disappointing that parents can act in this manner, but if you're howling at the moon, I think a better thing to do is to recognise it, drop it, and instead invite some friends who'll appreciate your efforts over for a BBQ.

As mentioned earlier dd2 and her dh are vegan. They hosted Christmas dinner last year for us, my parents, their siblings etc. It was agreed they'd provide the vegetables, potatoes and a vegan Christmas special and we'd provide the turkey, beef, stuffing and bring it cooked to theirs. They did let us warm the stuffing and pigs in blankets in their oven. Obviously mustn't be true vegans.

Then the battle will go on. What a shame people aren't willing to meet in the middle. As I alluded to before, I think this is about a lot more than people not fancying a bean burger. More about feeling ignored, invalidated, unimportant in society, dictated to, powerless, judged... I think vegan vs omnivore is just holding up a mirror to what is going on in wider society.

A bbq with no meat sounds pointless and I probably wouldn’t come either. You’re upset they “just eat one vegan meal” but I’m not sure why it’s then not ok for them to bring their own food?

You’re not being unreasonable but I wouldn’t be looking forward to a vegan BBQ, I’d probably just eat something before I went.