AIBU to expect my parents to manage one vegan barbecue meal?

[veganbbqdrama]

Surely most people can survive if they have just one vegan meal ???!!!

My parents have decided they don’t think they can attend a bbq at my house due to the fact we are a vegan family and they are worried about ‘nutrition gaps’ !!!

Neither have any health conditions.

It’s one meal and we are offering a wide variety of things plus desserts. I said to then if they don’t fancy it that’s fine but they said it’s because they are worried about the food, and asked could they bring their own (no! ) or would I get them a few bits they can eat (non vegan) to which I said I can’t have it in the house.

Surely they could just come for a drink and eat later at home ? They are making such a fuss ?? It’s not like we are pushing veganism or the ethics behind our choice we weren’t planning on talking about it just having a nice family get together !

Yes, you can decline.

I would think you were pathetic to do so though.

Eh yeah it is, if you eat meat. If you don't eat meat....guess what, it's not.

Sounds delicious, can I come to your BBQ instead?

What food sensitivity issues would you endure at a vegan meal please do tell?

My dc can't eat soya so most vegan food is a no go.

We're having a fully vegan BBQ tomorrow and I'm looking forward to it! Lot's more you can do on a BBQ than just meat. It's just a method of cooking after all.

Yeah but they don’t tend to tell you the menu in advance do they? They may ask for dietary requirements, in which case a guest may say ‘I don’t eat salmon’ or ‘I’m vegetarian’ and a good host will that into account, but otherwise you eat what you’re given on the day.
In this case the OP’s guests aren’t saying ‘I can’t eat x or y’, they’re saying ‘I will only come if I can eat a certain thing’. Isn’t that a really unusual thing to do if you’re invited for a meal somewhere? People don’t tend to say (for example) ‘I want you to serve lasagne, if you don’t serve lasagne I’ll bring my own lasagne, and if I can’t do that then I won’t come’, that would be really weird and rude.
So generally, when you go to someone else’s house for food, they are ‘dictating’ what you eat. Because they devise the menu and cook and serve the food.

They have.

I cook vegan quite often. I have never used soya. I have been a couple of times to a Michelin star vegan restaurant. No soya.

But they know its going to be a vegan menu, and they don't choose to eat a vegan diet and therefore have declined. That's perfectly reasonable.

Do people really not ever try unfamiliar food? What if you go abroad?

Women don't have to be nice about veganism, we can respect it as a choice and decline. “Being nice” is not putting how someone else chooses to express their beliefs above your own choices, nor is it expecting other people to conform to those beliefs. Only a controlling arsehole would expect someone to do that.

And as for calling someone “pathetic” because they exercise the very choice you acknowledge they are entitled to make, that is actually pretty pathetic. So I think we both know where the pathetic behaviour really lies.

Your parents are being very closed minded. Sorry for that. It's probably lack of knowledge. Personally for the next invite I wouldn't even mention the food at all because you know if they have any allergies and therefore what's to ask. They show up, you serve them delicious vegan food and they go home with their minds widened a bit. Obviously too late for this occasion.

We're a vegan family (except husband...but he eats vegan at home) and my family have always been very supportive (I turned veggie at 5 so they're used to being supportive parents I guess!) but even my husbands family who were very unsure at first now say they eat vegan 75% of the time now because they've realised how much healthier it is and aren't that fussed about meat anymore! We're having a vegan BBQ tomorrow with my family - I'd asked about what we had to buy for meat eaters but both my husband and dad (the only meat eaters now!) said they weren't fussed and just to do all vegan so it would be easier.

But this is not OPs parents case- they dont have any dietary issues. One vegan meal would not kill them.

Because there is soy in most vegan meals?

I answered this for me upthread. I can't eat quinoa, lentils, beans, chickpeas, too much veg of any description including jackfruit which I loathe anyway. Don't like tofu and can't eat soy product of any description beyond a little soy sauce. When its something like a home made vegan burger or non meat loaf, I have to know what's in it. Even if its stuff I can eat, it might be problematic to eat a whole adult serving because of the amount of veg in it. Its difficult because its like saying "salad" There are loads of things which can be described as 'vegan" which I do eat and enjoy...bread, potatoes, pasta, couscous. I choose Elmlea plant over dairy cream (yeah I want a medal!) because I prefer it but again when its a made dessert I'd need to know what is in it. There are many kinds of fruit and vegetables I do eat and enjoy but only in limited amounts. I don't keep a vegan house but if I invited a vegan to a meal, I'd make sure it was vegan but it might not be the sort of vegan that they are used to!

I mean a lot of meat replacement do contain soya. It doesnt have to be 'most', but the one OP may serve.
A friend organised a party and most of the vegan options contained some form of soya (tofu, soy sauce in veg marinade), so if someone allergic to or intolerant to soya would not be able to enjoy vast majority of the dishes.

Well, I tend to ask whether there is anything they don't eat or whether they have any allergies. So no, I don't dictate, even when at home, nor do I feel the need to judge them personally for their choices.

Of course it won't kill them but we don't know if it would upset their digestion. The Op doesn't think they do and they might not when they stick to their usual diet.

You're really missing the point completely. You CAN eat dogs, you CAN eat cats... But likely your beliefs would say you don't support that so if you went to a persons house you would hope that if that was the menu, they would understand you morally are uncomfortable with that and will serve you a cow instead.

And the fact is, this person's parents, if they were served a vegan meal without knowing (ever had a delicious daal for example or a vegetable soup?!) they wouldn't think anything of it. Nothing stops them eating something plant based therefore when they enter a vegan home they CAN eat everything without any moral restrictions. It's not the same the other way around and you know it.

Me too.

OP would have maybe known if this was the case?

So they’ve never had jacket potato and beans for tea?

They’ve never had a bag of chips and mushy peas while they’re out for the day?

They’ve never enjoyed a mushroom risotto or sun-dried tomato and roast garlic bruschetta?

What about a delicious stuffed roast pepper with couscous and balsamic dressing?

There are so many ordinary vegan dishes about that non-vegans eat without thinking about it. Trying to pretend it’s a problem because it’s been labelled as vegan is pathetic.

It’s a bit like those people who get angry when something is described as halal, when most food is halal by default.

I’m guessing they have dodgy political views as well? 😄

I love dhal, used to love lentil soup....alas no more

If its of comparatively recent onset then they may not have liked to mention it, either because they don't like talking about such things or they thought that it would upset their daughter to say "sorry but your food makes me shit through the eye of a needle"