AIBU to expect my parents to manage one vegan barbecue meal?

[veganbbqdrama]

Surely most people can survive if they have just one vegan meal ???!!!

My parents have decided they don’t think they can attend a bbq at my house due to the fact we are a vegan family and they are worried about ‘nutrition gaps’ !!!

Neither have any health conditions.

It’s one meal and we are offering a wide variety of things plus desserts. I said to then if they don’t fancy it that’s fine but they said it’s because they are worried about the food, and asked could they bring their own (no! ) or would I get them a few bits they can eat (non vegan) to which I said I can’t have it in the house.

Surely they could just come for a drink and eat later at home ? They are making such a fuss ?? It’s not like we are pushing veganism or the ethics behind our choice we weren’t planning on talking about it just having a nice family get together !

Vegetables do contain some protein (e.g. peas or spinach in a stew?!) And there are many ways to add more - this vegetable stew recipe has lentils but you could add chickpeas, kidney beans, butter beans, cashew nuts, quinoa etc: https://www.bbcgoodfood.com/recipes/vegetarian-casserole
Or flaked almonds on a ratatouille. Or chia seeds on anything. But even if one dish - shock horror - is low in protein, you don’t die.

Tomato soup is not always ‘cream of’. E.g. https://www.sainsburys.co.uk/groceries/product/sainsburys-tomato-basil-soup-600g
Or it’s dead easy to make your own.

Is it Nigella that did avocado toast with chilli, ginger, dill and olive oil? Yum!

But this is you just making many assumptions that somehow both if them developed secret recent intolerance and dont want to tell op. Rather than accepting that they are most likely stuck in their own ways closed minded people.

I would've hoped that the trend for folk banging on about protein would've died out in the 90s.

An average adult female requires roughly45g per day.

I get that in one meal most days and average around 130g per day. I'm a lot smaller than average, but I'm a weightĺifter. Been vegan 25 years.

I think this is it.
Meat and cheese does something to me at a core level (a bit like chocolate). Unfortunately, vegan food can’t ever do this to my being. Honestly, I have eaten lots of specifically vegan meals and I purposefully cook them to vary my diet. When I do lentil curries packed with chilli flavour, these are delicious. However, this is the only exciting meal I’ve found. I think your palette adjusts to your diet. I just struggle to get excited about food that is missing cheese and meat (see Bob Mortimer’s song about meats and cheeses).

I don't think that poster wasn't saying that these meals couldn't be made vegan, but just pointing out that people saying I bet you eat vegan meals all the time aren't correct. Because for many people, nearly all meals contain animal products in some form, even if in very limited quantities, e.g. butter on beans on toast, fish sauce in a vegetable stir fry etc.

To be honest, I think a vegan BBQ sounds grim but so does a whole vegan meal. I would never expect someone who was vegan or vegetarian to eat foods not suitable for their choice of diet at my house (I would cater for their requirements) but I also would expect them to do the same for me if visiting them. I also check with likes and dislikes before hosting so perhaps I am not the norm. Some vegan options are ok but trying to force guests to eat your chosen diet (especially when they have voiced concerns over what you will be feeding them) just makes you an inconsiderate host. The point of hosting is for your guests to feel welcome in your home and have a nice time, if you are forcing a certain diet on them it doesn’t set the tone nicely. A vegan diet is very restrictive and is not for everyone. A lot of the time it is heavily guided by moral views so it is tricky to try and force it on other people. When having tried vegan things before, I feel the person wants you to say they are as nice as what they are substituting…they rarely/never are.
If there is this much drama before the BBQ has even been, it is maybe a sign that if both parties are inflexible you should stick to drinks and snacks together. It a shame as it is your parents. Life is too short to fall out with your parents, I hope you work out a way to see each other that you can all enjoy.

Might be only one of them
The OP(who hasn’t been back btw) is ranting as thiugh its a new thing, surely if they were always awkward, she woukdn’t be so upset
The OP might be newly vegan

This. This sounds like amazing vegan food. Sadly it’s often not the case. These are dressings / marinades that we would invest the effort of making to make our meat BBQ divine. To see it applied to veg is great.

Would you say the same to a family who don’t eat certain meats due to religion?

For some, veganism is a health and lifestyle choice. For many it’s a very strongly held value system, much like religious beliefs.

It is not the same as meat eaters pulling together a vegan dish - that doesn’t go against values. It’s just practicalities. Eating meat is not a value driven activity. It’s a choice.

Thanks - fine if so. ClarissaImissHer seemed to be saying they don’t have veggie stew/ratatouille as those dishes ‘need protein’ though, which is what I was responding to. I was just pointing out that a) they likely do contain some protein anyway b) they can have more protein added easily (the assumption seemed to be it was a dish without protein - end of) and c) that not every dish you eat has to have high protein, as even a dish low in protein can have lots of other nutritional benefits.

A belief that is so rigid that it makes the people we love feel unwelcome in our homes is a sad one.
Let them bring a cheese roll!

Ferritin is a different matter though.

Is it just the vegan or is it that they prefer more traditional bbq food overall? A jacket spud and basic salad and corn on the cob?

My only issue would be the no animal products to be taken into their house.

My friend won't buy a pint of milk for my tea... I'm fine with that, she doesn't want to personally support the dairy industry. But I take my own cuppa with me (we live a few doors apart), and she is fine with that.

She has leather car seats, and wall to wall wool carpets, but I try not to mention that. I guess there are degrees of vegan.

There is always a line somewhere...

Did she buy it used? My friend identifies as vegan but will wear second hand leather/wool as she is not personally paying the industry and the damage has already been done so to speak so worse in her opinion to then waste it. She will also eat eggs if they are from someone’s pet chickens.

It’s interesting that nobody wants to address the question-would you expect Jewish friends to buy pork, keep it in their fridge and cook it for you? Or would you just eat the kosher food they provide? Same for Hindus- would you expect them to come to your house and eat the roast beef you were planning for lunch?

It’s different though is it? My answer would be no because:

• I can’t taste the difference between kosher/non kosher meat and I don’t generally invest any time finding out if my heat is kosher, halal, or otherwise so it wouldn’t make a difference
• Pork/ beef are not a staples of EVERY meal like animal products are generally for a number of people as demonstrated on this thread so it is not noticeable to “go without” for one meal

Of course - I’m an atheist omnivore. Doesn’t mean I think it’d be in any way ok to take pork sausages to a Muslim friend’s bbq, a steak to a Hindu’s or either to a vegan’s.

but she could leave the animal products for someone else to buy?
I get not wanting to rip out carpet if its there when you buy the house, but if you choose the car and pay for it, then you could choose one without leather seats....but yes always a line somewhere.

I agree a Jewish person declining pork is exercising their religious beliefs.

But that's not the gotcha you think it is.

The fact that their reason for not eating pork is religious does not mean that their choice automatically takes priority over somebody else's freedom to make a different choice. Religion or belief is a protected characteristic, but not having or following a religion or belief is also a protected characteristic.

"If a non Jewish person, at any given moment in time, is not actively eating pork, they're not observing a religious belief, they're just not eating pork at that specific moment."

I'm not claiming that a non Jewish person eating pork is “observing” a protected belief. I'm saying that one person's protected religious belief does not give them a general right to require somebody else to observe the restrictions of that belief.

I respect and will defend your right to follow your religion, within reason. Respecting your freedom of choice does not require me to make the same choice or to prioritise your choices over my own.

Respect should work both ways.

By your argument both sides are bigots.

I think they’re being unreasonable by refusing to come, and with their comments about nutrition, but I also think you’re being very difficult to compromise with. I personally wouldn’t see an issue with them bringing something of their own - they could even bring a disposable bbq if you’re bothered about it touching yours.

Have you been a vegan for long or is this a new decision? I only ask as surely this must have come up before at Christmas lunches or other family get togethers, birthdays etc, so what have they done in the past?

I wouldn’t, but I would also think it’s slightly unreasonable if I asked to bring my own pork and cook it myself separately and just essentially eat it in front of them.

However, as others have said, it’s quite different as you can easily have a traditional bbq and avoid pork by having other meats (and kosher doesn’t taste different) whereas a vegan bbq is inherently different to a traditional one

@veganbbqdrama sorry if I've missed it in the many many pages. Have you posted a recipe for DH burgers?