AIBU to not want to give a bottle to our EBF baby to benefit my partner?

[gratedcheeseandham]

Would love some opinions because I can see both sides (sort of) and not sure if it’s anxiety from my side or not.

Partner and I have an 8 week out baby who is exclusively breastfed from the breast. He’s had no problems latching at all and I’ve absolutely adored breastfeeding. Baby has never had a problem with my milk, no tummy issues, has only ever gained weight (didn’t lose any weight after birth) and can be fed at the moment in 10 mins. I’ve had no problems with pain or engorgement. I feel extremely lucky that our BF journey has been going well - I am part of an antenatal group where a lot of people have struggled. In said antenatal group, every single baby (10 in total) have been introduced to a bottle, some are completely on formula and some have expressed breastmilk. I want to make it clear I have no problem with however any woman wants to feed her baby, fed is best.

Basically, my boyfriend wants to be able to feed the baby so he can take the baby places by himself. There is a dad meet up with the antenatal dads at the pub where they are all bringing their babies. Boyfriend is really annoyed that he either 1. Won’t be able to take the baby 2. I will have to be there in some capacity (I have suggested me coming, sitting on the other side of the pub with a friend not related to the antenatal group and bf can pass me the baby if he gets hungry. He is eating every 2 hours at the moment, however this can be shorter in the evenings). Boyfriend thinks I’m being extremely selfish in not letting me introduce a bottle to the baby and that I should compromise. My concerns to introducing a bottle are:

1. It will fall on me to do all the washing, sterilising etc. I explicitly asked if we introduced a bottle would my boyfriend also take care of the prep work - he said no, this would be split. I explained to him this included researching formula, finding and buying bottles, cleaning and sterilising and making sure baby is burped afterwards.
2. With pumping, I feel like it’s not exactly giving me a ‘break’ it’s just transferring the work. I don’t want to have to find the time to pump, then store etc.
3. This one is a bit silly but I’m afraid of baby preferring bottle over breast and rejecting breast
4. Feeding is the ONE AND ONLY thing that is exclusive to me. Boyfriend can bond in so many different ways - changing, playing etc. At the moment, boyfriend changes a nappy maybe once every three days (and never one with poo). I let boyfriend stay in bed until 9 (bf works from home) whilst I am up with our son from 6. I do 99% of the child rearing. In a stubborn way, I am apprehensive of relinquishing this one thing that only I can do.
5. I am already ‘compromising’ on other aspects of childcare, for example boyfriend wants baby out of our room 6 months exactly (even going so far as to ‘joking’ that on midnight of his 6 months he will go into his room). I wanted him in our room until he was at least 9 months, even up to a year. He is a great sleeper, though I know this can change, so it’s not the fact bf doesn’t get any sleep. In fact, he regularly gets at least 10-11 hours as he doesn’t wake up at all in the night.

To not drip feed, I am taking a year off of work. Baby will be going to a childminder afterwards. Boyfriend earns triple what I do doing a 100% remote 9-5 WFH project management job. I work as a secondary teacher in middle management. Partner thinks that because he earns the money he should have more say. I am completely fine with being attached to the baby for the foreseeable before anyone asks.

Partner is getting increasingly more irate with this topic but I just don’t want to budge. Do I need to give up some of my anxiety?

@gratedcheeseandham

He says he brings in the money (especially now I’m on maternity), so he ‘shouldn’t have to’ worry about anything else.

WTAF?! Anything? Yeah, cos that’s fair. Sounds like you’ve nipped that in the bud, well done!

BF grew up with a stay at home mum and working dad.

Sure, this will shape his viewpoint, as will culture. The French are very supportive to getting mums back into work, but, that doesn’t mean neglecting their early development and security. And as a nation, we don’t have that. Even he must realise we’re not in the 1950’s anymore! Was his dad a lazy, arrogant, arse?

Sounds like mum was a flea in his ear. Own room already? He’s only 8 weeks and your breastfeeding!!

Protect your BF routine op.

I EBF'd both mine and continued BF until they were two. The oldest would never take a bottle or a dummy and I didn't bother trying with the second. I'm pleased to say that what you have outlined here is nothing like my experience.

OP could go out for a coffee right now without the baby and it would be fine for an hour or two.

Any time now, the baby will learn to feed more efficiently and will settle down into more of a routine, allowing OP longer breaks.

Around 6 months the baby will be starting solids and taking liquids from a cup and will no longer be reliant on OP for all her sustenance. Once solids are well established, OP can go out for the whole day or have an evening out without worrying.

Fathers and other care givers need to learn other ways of settling the baby - it's really not difficult (as long as mum isn't around smelling of milk). I'm learning it now with my granddaughter and finding it a helluva lot easier than I ever found trying to express milk.

I have never, ever regretted EBF or failing to get them onto a bottle.

Agreed. The Victorians have more to answer for than lightbulbs and trains, unfortunately. Total crock of shite.

See also the prevailing science on Infant Pain up until the late 1900s.

You can get wearable pumps for 1/4 of the price of a non wearable one at a baby store on Amazon. The cheap ones worked for me pumping full time when I needed it. You can definitely use it for ad hoc occasions when you need a bottle to go out. There is also Facebook market place if needed.

If you get the right sized pump it's not bad. Just mimics baby sucking but takes practice and finding the right pump mode.

I'm just saying my opinion. If you want an involved dad you need to let him try to manage the baby and be part of the kid's child raising decisions. Training the baby to use a bottle can also be good for grandparents to help look after the baby as well when mum needs a break.

Dads can be involved without feeding a baby. There are loads of other ways to bond.

I wish people with stop this nonsense about feeding being the best or only way to bond.