is this bag childish for year 7

[dinosaursroars]

my 11 year old is going to start year 7 next month and he’s recently diagnosed with autism after i said for years and everyone just said well wait and see but he has no ehcp and im worried he’s quiet and sensitive

He has no ehcp because we couldnt sort it in time and m worried about bullying and just everything about starting secondary school his primary only had 30 kids in a class who he was with all day and when going to places like the hall for pe they were always together but hell be pretty much by himself and thay fills me with anxiety

he’s my 3rd going to this school. my eldest i was abit worried as he started in 2020 and he had no transition days or anything but the worry wasn’t this much and my 2nd i wasnt worried at all hes socialable and loud (sometimes mouthy but a good thing because hes not the typical target for bullies if that makes sense) hes is in. year 10 in sept and theyll be going to school by bus together and im worried about this too as ds will have to wait 5 mins for his brother as year 7s finish early

now to the point of the post im looking at backpacks on vinted and this is his choice (pic attached) js this a target for bullying? id like your opinions but also if you have a child going into year 7 or just finished their opinion if possible

my eldest has said why should it matter what bag he wants and bullies will pick on anything if theyre going to which is true but id like him to not be a direct instant target if possible

also just any other advice and things i had loads of advice about my eldest starting college last year and im just feeling overwhelmed and anxious but dont want ds to feel like this so im trtingto hide it

To be honest it looks too small for a high school bag. I’d let him choose a design he liked but you need a sturdy decent size bag for all the books and kit

I would go for plain Nike backpack to start if im honest or whatever backpack most people have. (Seem to be bag choice around here)

Mine have additional needs and didnt want them standing out or being known ad the weird kid on first day. Cowardly I know but mine wouldnt have had the reliance to style it out.

Although I would love to say he can and should have whatever bag he wants, I do think it’s a bit young, plain black adidas or sport backpack would be better. Kids are dicks, sorry

It’s too small for a start. Surely he needs something bigger? Can he use an old one for the first weeks then choose once he’s seen what everyone else has?

In my personal opinion, yes, it is very childish for year 7. Most boys will have plain Nike/Adidas backpacks (or other branded items depending on the demographic of your area, Superdry is still popular around here but social suicide in other locations!).
What backpack does your eldest have? Ask him what his friends have, I agree it shouldn't matter but at that age, in a new school it does so he needs to help a little.

Unfortunately yes it's too young and too small
Black Nike or under armour are safe options

this is his other choice he wont budge on anything else right now

his brother has an adidas one going into year 10 (that hes had since i think year 7 or 8) but ds just isnt interested in brands or anything similar this year he had a minecraft bag and that didnt seem a big deal as its primary school he wouldnt carry it about whereas he will and theres also older years that i worry will try and imtimidate him or something

Yes it’s too babyish and yes he will be bullied. It’s also too small. It looks perfect for a child in year 4/5 max.

He needs a bigger backpack, they carry A4 size books around all day. Plain black is best.

One of my young relatives, nearly 11, has always been one for cute backpacks. She announced last year that going forward she needed a plain coloured one as "that's what everyone is getting." So it was! Mind you, apparently it's ok to affix certain patches and have multiple things dangling from the plain coloured backpacks , all are blue or black.

I work in a secondary school. I would steer him away from that choice.

He needs to budge to a bag that’s big enough and sturdy enough though. It doesn’t have to be branded, but I’d get a new decent size bag that won’t break in the first week, that’d just make him sad anyway

I asked about bags and was told it needs to be black, Nike or Adidas.
I think it takes a very confident person to go around with something different and only you will know whether he can pull this off (some kids can and get the admiration from others of not conforming, but I think you need to have the right personality to do this).

At the mainstream secondary my daughter started at (she's autistic - later switched to a sen school) that backpack would have been fine.
Having novelty/colourful backpacks was very much the thing.
It was quite an "arty" school though.
It really will depend on the school.

Slightly derailing but how does he feel about being on his own going to classes? I’m only asking because you say it fills you with anxiety.

I was at school in a time when ND wasn’t acknowledged so I wasn’t diagnosed until my 50s but the only way I could cope with school was to be alone as much as possible.

Not really sure why you are showing him small backpacks aimed at younger kids. He can only choose from the options you offer. Show him a selection of bigger bags suitable for teens at secondary.

too small and too babyish. If he really loves it then can you buy it and have it as his bag for home and then have a plain one for school?

I work in a secondary school. Most turn up with plain black rucksacks , lots of different brands but mainly Nike. It will stand out.

I really wouldn't send him with either of those.

Don't show him ones like that. Take him to sports direct and let him pick a large plain sports brand one ?(Nike etc)

I know you said he wont budge but can you say he will need a bigger. School bag and steer him towards something that wont stand out as much and let him get a sonic pencil case or whatever

My DD is starting high school and the bag has caused her lots of anxiety as she doesn't want a handbag style like other girls. It made me feel a little sad but think you are right to be cautious as our children are already at a disadvantage and my may not have the confidence to style out a bolder choice. I think his choice is a bit young to be honest. I would suggest a plain one for starters and he can always switch once he is established. You can always say it's not big enough and suggest he picks from a shortlist you create.

My DS loves to dress formally in full suit, waistcoat, tie, even if we are only going to the park, and as he has got older I am struggling with the balance of letting him feel comfortable and be himself, without exposing him to ridicule from peers and strangers as he can't get away with it being considered 'cute and quirky' like he could when he was little. His appearance just don't occur to him as being an issue, but then he then feels very hurt if anyone makes a negative comment as he doesn't understand why.

Every decision like this chips away at your heart and it's hard to strike the balance between guidance to protect them and allowing them their identity and to find their own way.

Get him one of those to use in the holidays/ at the weekend. Tell him you’ve been advised that the school backpack needs to be bigger and plainer and get him to choose between X, Y or Z (provide a choice of 3 more suitable options).

One of my adult Dds is ND and by the time she was in higher years the quirkiness of bags etc was accepted but starting 1st year (Scotland) we went for a generic school bag.

I teach in secondary, there is no helping some pupils but either of those bag choices are a no. I do have SEN kids who style out the weird/childish choices but they are now in Year 9 and their peers have lost interest in relentlessly teasing them.
He will need to carry PE kit too? And a lunch? Just a plain black that he isn’t attached to would be better. Hopefully you can hurry that EHCP along so he gets support. Have you spoken to the SEN team at the new school and explained the situation? They may be able to put provisional support in place. Go through his timetable each night ready for the next day, make sure you have a massive supply of the same pens and pencils at home for when he inevitably loses his favourite ones, talk to him about coping with changes to routine and how to manage busy corridors at class changeovers. Hopefully his form tutor will be his one constant and you can get to know them and they’ll let you know if he’s struggling

Design aside, both those options look too small.

As with pp, my secondary school DC have to carry A4 sized folders in their backpacks. On PE days they also carry their PE kit in their backpacks.
Although I have to admit that I just bought them plain black backpacks for starting Y7 without asking their opinion though, I figured that when their first backpacks needed replacing they’d have a better feel for what would be suitable for secondary school.

Have you spoken to the senco / Sen department at the secondary school about your DS’s needs and the transition to secondary school? My older DC have additional needs, and the Sen department were very helpful around extra support with transition and organising reasonable adjustments as needed.