is this bag childish for year 7

[dinosaursroars]

my 11 year old is going to start year 7 next month and he’s recently diagnosed with autism after i said for years and everyone just said well wait and see but he has no ehcp and im worried he’s quiet and sensitive

He has no ehcp because we couldnt sort it in time and m worried about bullying and just everything about starting secondary school his primary only had 30 kids in a class who he was with all day and when going to places like the hall for pe they were always together but hell be pretty much by himself and thay fills me with anxiety

he’s my 3rd going to this school. my eldest i was abit worried as he started in 2020 and he had no transition days or anything but the worry wasn’t this much and my 2nd i wasnt worried at all hes socialable and loud (sometimes mouthy but a good thing because hes not the typical target for bullies if that makes sense) hes is in. year 10 in sept and theyll be going to school by bus together and im worried about this too as ds will have to wait 5 mins for his brother as year 7s finish early

now to the point of the post im looking at backpacks on vinted and this is his choice (pic attached) js this a target for bullying? id like your opinions but also if you have a child going into year 7 or just finished their opinion if possible

my eldest has said why should it matter what bag he wants and bullies will pick on anything if theyre going to which is true but id like him to not be a direct instant target if possible

also just any other advice and things i had loads of advice about my eldest starting college last year and im just feeling overwhelmed and anxious but dont want ds to feel like this so im trtingto hide it

It is sad. I don't think anyone would dispute that. But having worked in secondary schools this is the reality and I wouldn't be throwing my child to the wolves by sending them in to secondary school with a Sonic or Dinosaur backpack to make some kind of principled stand about the right to express their individuality.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/NIKE-DD0562-ELEMENTAL-Sports-backpack/dp/B09F35Y815/ref=asc_df_B09F35Y815?mcid=128ec0b73d7334a68eaa681b7e47970c&tag=googshopuk-21&linkCode=df0&hvadid=697275011458&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=12434647294485637838&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=m&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9046637&hvtargid=pla-1457314717656&psc=1&hvocijid=12434647294485637838-B09F35Y815-&hvexpln=0&gad_source=1

Don't show him the ones he can't have. Just search up black backpacks for secondary school and he'll have to pick one of those. Sometimes too much choice makes it harder.

Yes I would go for something plain black or navy blue.

I think that bag will be fine. My 12 year old said that the boys just tend to have Nike bags, so that will be ok, she said he would get bullied for a sonic bag. I live in a semi rural village in Cheshire, the high school is in Cheshire but a mixture of areas, still quite "soft" compared to a city high school but they'd get bullied for the sonic bag.

What do you mean “he won’t budge”? You are the person PAYING for the bag, so it’s 100% your choice what you provide him with. Just buy a plain bag that is the appropriate size to fit A4 folders and his lunch etc. If he moans, just say “this is what you need for secondary school” and that’s the end of the conversation. The mistake you have made is allowing him to believe it is his choice what you buy.

It’s always good to give kids a bit of choice and individuality, but within boundaries. For example, if he wanted a £1k bag for school, surely you would said a straightforward ‘no’…this is no different. The bags designed for young children are too small, simple as that, plus why buy from vinted something small, with wear and tear and flimsy, when it’s obvious he will need a sturdy bag? If you send him to school with a small second hand bag…it will make it appear to the school staff that you are not managing financially or not providing properly as they will assume he has had the same bag all through primary and you are too tight/negligent to buy him a new one once he grew out of it.

If he wanted to buy orange school shoes, with a dress code of black, would you entertain that conversation as well?

If he’s still into things that are below his age range, it’s not sensible to keep him there, as he’s going to get further and further away from his peer group at school and find it harder to make friends. If he really enjoys very childish things like plastic dinosaur toys etc, keep that at home in his bedroom. At school he will be interacting with kids who are up to the age of 16, you already have older kids, so find out what they watch on tv etc and start to guide your youngest towards things that will give him things in common with other kids at school.

There are a few things that are a bit childish that are still popular with secondary school kids, such as OnePiece etc. You may find the school has something like a Lego club which could suit a child with younger interests. He’s not going to grow up overnight, but with a little directing, you can find a happy medium.

If he is sensitive or finds it hard to keep up with kids his own age due to low maturity…then he needs all the help he can get…sending him to school with a bag designed for a 7 year-old is going to make him stand out in a negative way and be a bad way for him to get started. If he’s not able to stand up for himself with bullies or be a popular kid, the best way is to blend in and not draw attention.

On one hand it is sad, but really I think it's a normal social skills all dc have to learn to be discerning how much they share of themselves in different situations.

I love Lord of the Rings and board games, but that isn't an interest I talk about at work. I talk about gardening, as that's more likely to be an interest people can connect to. I think adults edit what side of ourselves we show to others all the time, making judgements about how it's likely to be received.

Ultimately, I know my dd has to live in the real world, and her life is likely to be more pleasant if she doesn't share all her interests with everyone. Coaching her around what to share when is the lesser of two evils I think.

Agree with this. I'd use the sizing as the reason.

Fine at primary and at home. But high school is a very different beast. And to a degree, it’s best for kids’ social survival if they try to fit in!

Can you tell him it’s school uniform policy to have a plain rucksack? You have my sympathies my son is also autistic and I have the same worries. I hope it all goes well for him.

nah thats cool af

No she can't, she's already explained she has two older children there. And what would she say when he started and he saw for himself it wasn't true.

I don't see why lying to him
is a solution.

My son was diagnosed autistic in year 5. He has been bullied since year 4, and it makes me sad how much he worries about not fitting in now. He hates the fact he's autistic and it makes him different.

So, I've had the opposite conversation with him. He was asking from.halfway through year 6, for me to get rid of his dinosaur themed bag (similar to the Jurassic Park one in style). He's asked for a plain, dark navy laptop backpack, which is close to feeling able to express himself he can get (blue is his favourite colour).

I agree, that making sure it has enough space is important; he has to carry an iPad, books, PE kit, wallet and water bottle. So, if I was you, I'd use that as a reason he has to have a plainer bag. And keep the more novelty bags for home stuff/holidays away.

But, I admire your son for being confident in himself. I wish my son was that, and I try to encourage him to embrace who he is, but for him, a couple of years of bullying and others pointing out he's weird and different have definitely taken their toll.

My son is only diagnosed level 1 (I know those terms are outdated but that was the diagnosis given), but we've been told level 1 ASD kids aren't applicable for an EHCP because they can cope in mainstream education. Does your son have the same needs?