is this bag childish for year 7

[dinosaursroars]

my 11 year old is going to start year 7 next month and he’s recently diagnosed with autism after i said for years and everyone just said well wait and see but he has no ehcp and im worried he’s quiet and sensitive

He has no ehcp because we couldnt sort it in time and m worried about bullying and just everything about starting secondary school his primary only had 30 kids in a class who he was with all day and when going to places like the hall for pe they were always together but hell be pretty much by himself and thay fills me with anxiety

he’s my 3rd going to this school. my eldest i was abit worried as he started in 2020 and he had no transition days or anything but the worry wasn’t this much and my 2nd i wasnt worried at all hes socialable and loud (sometimes mouthy but a good thing because hes not the typical target for bullies if that makes sense) hes is in. year 10 in sept and theyll be going to school by bus together and im worried about this too as ds will have to wait 5 mins for his brother as year 7s finish early

now to the point of the post im looking at backpacks on vinted and this is his choice (pic attached) js this a target for bullying? id like your opinions but also if you have a child going into year 7 or just finished their opinion if possible

my eldest has said why should it matter what bag he wants and bullies will pick on anything if theyre going to which is true but id like him to not be a direct instant target if possible

also just any other advice and things i had loads of advice about my eldest starting college last year and im just feeling overwhelmed and anxious but dont want ds to feel like this so im trtingto hide it

If it helps ease your worries at all, I do think bullying in school has changed a lot since we were kids.

When I was in comp, a backpack like either of the above would definitely have gotten you labelled as weird, and you'd get picked on for it.

Now, a backpack like that will still get him noticed by other kids, and labelled as "different", but that doesn't necessarily mean he'll get bullied for it. It's a lot less socially acceptable among teenagers to pick on the "different" kids any more.

DD went to quite a rough comprehensive. We don't live in the nicest area. But even here, the kids with autism tend to get "adopted" by the older kids, who make it clear it's not acceptable to laugh at them.

Bullying still exists, but it's less obvious. It's not about picking on the clear outsider so much, that's not considered acceptable. Instead, they end up bullying someone in-group instead. They get that punching down is wrong, so they punch across, or even up instead. It seems far more common these days to get bullied because you're the rich kid, or because you said something stupid and your former friends turn on you.

Obviously this is just anecdotal, but a jurassic park bag isn't the target it used to be. The targets are a lot more subtle than they used to be,

Don't fpcus on the design focus on the size. He needs a much bigger bag and they don;t comein children's designs.

My son started secondary in velcro shoes. He was able to do his laces but his feet were still so small we couldn't find school shoes that laced up.

My autistic dd2 is starting hight school in September, We've had some really explicit conversations about how her life will be easier if she broadly fits in with her peers. She's been able to accept that.

I'd be clear that the bags your ds has chosen aren't appropriate. You can sympathise about how stupid social rules are, but you still need to adhere to them.

Before dd1 started high school I did a full survey on mn about what brands of coat and bag were acceptable to other dc her age. It worked pretty well.

unfortunately i cant use the white lie of it must being a solid colour or plain black as his brother has a red/navy adidas bag

i will look through the sports direct website i was looking at vinted because its cheaper tbh

i dont think a keyring is a good idea incase the other children touch it either just out of curiosity or for a reaction from ds and i could imagine older children tugging it but maybe i dont have much faith in them

he had 3 transition days but they were only half days and it wasnt like a normal day as he was just with form and a teacher doing team building which everyone did not just ds

If he doesn't want plain black, would a nike/Adidas bag in a different colour be a compromise. I've seen ones in blue/green/navy.

theres nothing in the policy about a bag its just “appropriate bag to carry equipment and books

These guidelines indicate the bags are too small

Could you tell him that he needs a bag he doesn’t really care about. These bags will be dumped and shoved and kicked about so whilst he likes those bags. They just aren’t practical.

Could you compromise with a sports bag (it really needs to be much larger) with a couple of keyrings attached? If he had a couple of Spielberg ones he could say he's a movie fan rather then into Sonic and Dinosaurs. Some are also in colours. My daughter didn't want plain black but went for a chalky blue Adidas bag.

He will definitely be bullied for those bags. My YR4 child will no longer take that style to school due to bullies.

I would also agree with others, everything in one bag. My daughter has a separate lunch bag and p.e. bag that go in her backpack. All the kids I know that carry seperate bags have lost one at one time or another.

I was talking more generally - you'd already made it clear that your daughter's school was different.

He will get mercilessly bullied for this. Just get a plain black one. My DN has a bit of a stand out bag and she’s got some shit for it but she just doesn’t seem to care. If your son is sensitive do not let him do this.

My kids are year 7 and 8. My daughter wanted a pink bag for secondary school, settled on a pink Nike one.
I hate to say it but no I would deter him from that one. Its very young and also too small.

he'll be known as Sonic for the next 5 years at school if he takes that bag! Or you might as well stick a sign on his head that says "bully me".

Yes I really liked her mainstream school (unfortunately it just wasn't suitable for her so she switched to the SEN school).
It was a very friendly school and fancy backpacks or pin badges on blazers were very popular.
I wish more schools had that vibe.

Jurassic world is better than Sonic but even still... They are going to eat him alive with that Sonic bag though.

It does need to be bigger too, big enough to fit a ring binder and his lunch/water/coat etc.

i dont think a keyring is a good idea incase the other children touch it either just out of curiosity or for a reaction from ds and i could imagine older children tugging it

OP, I know you're incredibly worried about your DS and I completely understand why; it's worrying enough for parents when any kid starts secondary school but it must be even harder when you know there are additional things that might be challenging.

But... you cannot legislate for every single tiny thing. It's possible someone might tug at his key-ring, yes. But it's also possible someone might tug at his tie (or whatever, I know not all uniforms have a tie), or the hood of his coat, or anything else. I think if you really do want to reduce the chances of him being bullied, then focus on things like the bag that will be very immediately noticeable, rather than trying to eliminate every single possible thing that might attract attention.

Although I don't think it's a great idea to let him start secondary school with a backpack meant for a much younger child, I do also agree with your older son that if kids want to bully someone, they will find something. There was a kid in my class who got bullied for the type of bread she had for her sandwiches, so while it's a good idea not to make him a sitting target, you are never going to eliminate every possibility.

Would something like this from Next be a happy medium? It’s not boring at least. Next do quite a few options like this.

I’m afraid a character design for secondary school is a very bad idea.

It's not big enough for everything he'll need to carry.

He'll need one like his brother's if he won't accept a plain one.

Yes, that has blown my mind.

My DDs did PE three times a week at secondary and their PE kits were absolutely filthy after one lesson. So much so that they took an extra top and shorts if they were doing an after school sport.

One of mine did use her blazer as a pencil case though. But still had to bring lunch and books.

I would pick your battles. If he wants to take that bag let him take it. Transitioning to high school is a huge thing for most young people but likely has more challenges with a neurodivergent young person. Bullies will be bullies. You can deal with them if there's issues.
In relation to the EHCP ... it's not too late. Consider applying yourself for assessment.

I would say not suitable, sorry. He could use it in weekends.
A black Nike or Adidas rucksack would be best and safest! It also looks too small although photo could be deceiving.
Is Hype still in? Was a while since my DC were in school or even Herschel?

Would say the same. Both bags are like putting a bulls eye on his back even if he didn’t have special needs.

A very confident older boy may get away with it, but to be honest… you really don’t like him to start with the wrong foot on the very first day… pretend they are no longer available, we sometimes need to lie a bit to protect our ND kids from making a target of themselves.

It's too small. Would be ok with a plain bag (my 21 year old still uses the one we bought him for secondary school) that he can add things too. Mine used to have various key rings etc attached depending on what he liked that year.

Just get a bigger black bag .

I’m sorry OP, I know it might upset your son and he has his heart set on one of those bags but you’d be cruel to let him and would be basically putting a target on his back.

He is autistic and can’t foresee it happening and doesn’t realise that some people bully others who stand out because it wouldn’t occur for him to do the same. He just sees a bag he wants and has fixated on it, he will likely get very upset if you refuse to buy it but will be more upset if he’s laughed at over it or worse.

I am autistic and my mum almost certainly was as well and when I wanted childish things for school or things that made me even more likely to be bullied she didn’t steer me away from them and I remember clearly screaming at her that it was her fault I had been laughed at for buying me pink sparkly trainers instead of the black kickers everyone was wearing.
My mum said “but you wanted them?!”
In my head she should have refused and protected me but in her head she didn’t want to say no and disappoint me.

I was really severely bullied for being different to the point I had a nervous breakdown and stopped going to school in year 9 and it still affects me now. If there was any risk of putting my child through the same I’d avoid it.

It’s not fair but kids are cruel and it’s confusing and distressing when you don’t understand what you’ve done to make others hate you and when you wouldn’t act that way yourself.
You don’t seem to see this as the issue it could become if you don’t say no to those childish bags.

My friend has an autistic daughter who wanted things that would be seen as childish but my friend asked around for what others were taking (right down to stationary) and bought them so she fitted in.
Her daughter was very resistant but then was relieved when she realised she would have stood out which she would have hated.

I know there are other worries but I do think this could be an issue and as pp have said it’s also too small.
You could focus on the size issue if you find it hard to say no but that bag is only going to last a few days anyway if you agree to it.

I am autistic and growing up a LOT of autistic boys are obsessed with sonic, it’s a whole thing online. He will absolutely be bullied as I’ve grown up around this stereotype. As will these kids. Please just get him a plain black backpack. I had a Naruto side bag and was relentlessly bullied.

Another vote for it being too childish not to cause attention. Bless him. He should be able to take any bag he likes but kids can be so cruel. I think you’re right to help him fit in more on his first day until he has a friendship group formed. he can still enjoy sonic stuff at home.

My son is 10, going into Y6, has just refused all bags shown to him aside from black Nike with a big white Nike logo on it. He also liked a Hype bag with big blue and green graphics on it. I’ll attach pictures