is this bag childish for year 7

[dinosaursroars]

my 11 year old is going to start year 7 next month and he’s recently diagnosed with autism after i said for years and everyone just said well wait and see but he has no ehcp and im worried he’s quiet and sensitive

He has no ehcp because we couldnt sort it in time and m worried about bullying and just everything about starting secondary school his primary only had 30 kids in a class who he was with all day and when going to places like the hall for pe they were always together but hell be pretty much by himself and thay fills me with anxiety

he’s my 3rd going to this school. my eldest i was abit worried as he started in 2020 and he had no transition days or anything but the worry wasn’t this much and my 2nd i wasnt worried at all hes socialable and loud (sometimes mouthy but a good thing because hes not the typical target for bullies if that makes sense) hes is in. year 10 in sept and theyll be going to school by bus together and im worried about this too as ds will have to wait 5 mins for his brother as year 7s finish early

now to the point of the post im looking at backpacks on vinted and this is his choice (pic attached) js this a target for bullying? id like your opinions but also if you have a child going into year 7 or just finished their opinion if possible

my eldest has said why should it matter what bag he wants and bullies will pick on anything if theyre going to which is true but id like him to not be a direct instant target if possible

also just any other advice and things i had loads of advice about my eldest starting college last year and im just feeling overwhelmed and anxious but dont want ds to feel like this so im trtingto hide it

Yes. Don't let him take that one.

Plain Nike or Adidas.
X

I think you need to focus on the size of the bag. They really do need something much bigger than either of those. He'll have subject packs, books, loose sheets, stationery, calculator, lunch, and a Chromebook to carry around school, and to and from school. He'll have to keep his water bottle with him in his bag too, it can't be left at the back of the class or on his desk like in primary as he will move class every subject.

The bag doesn't have to be a sport brand, get onto Amazon and buy a plain black or blue or khaki one if he won't have a sport brand.

Could you get a relative to give it to him as a gift to celebrate starting school? He might feel it's a bit more special if it was a gift from and aunty or grandparent.

My son wore velcro shoes in y7, but plain black innocuous so no one noticed. He has small feet so still in a size 3 I think and could get velcro. He wouldn't be able to now in year 9 as it's hard to find velcro for size 6 feet. He wears trainer style shoes and can't tolerate hard soles and stuff leather (also autistic). His biggest fear about going to big school was having to wear long trousers as he'd refused to wear anything other than shorts for 3 years no matter what the weather!

I found my son grew up a lot in y7 and a lot of his sensory issues around clothes are no longer issues. Except still no hard sole shoes.

He also found his crowd, there will be boys like your son at school, he will find his people.

My son doesn't have an echp and apparently wouldn't reach the bar to get one but he does get a LOT of support from the SEN team especially around organisation as his executive functioning is almost non-existent!

Aside from the bag, Your boy will be fine, I'm sure.

Have you ever been bullied?!

It’s not as simple as just “dealing with them”.

I was spat at, called names, pushed into things, hit, kicked and my hair pulled. My lunch was spat in, I was tripped over and much worse kids pretended to befriend me then bullied me over things I told them because I was naive and trusting.

If I “grassed” it got worse, my mum had to come and pick me up from school to stop me being attacked on the way home.

I attempted suicide and kids followed me round telling me to do it properly when they found out and posted paracetamol through my door with notes saying to take it.

This was all from being a little bit different and started with pink sparkly trainers on my first day…

Fortunately my daughters school have a plain bag rule or she would try to choose similar so I feel for you. A random keyring on a plain bag is Ok. But yeah those bags will make him a target.its sad and of course it shouldn't be the case but it just is what it is.
My daughters nan got her a 'cooler' tote style bag but she wont carry it. But has made peace with a plain backpack. Has he read any of the books by autistic people with autistic protagonists? My daughter has found these helpful in navigating secondary school weirdness.

As for comfort with the bullying, We always use a phrase that I picked up in Michelle Obamas lovely autobiography. Her mum used to say to her something like, you go out into this world and not everyone is going to get you/ be nice to you/ love you. But you know where you can always come and be loved. Home. Bit cheesey but it works for us in rationalising other kids poor and unkind behaviour without getting too stuck into it.

That’s a great find. I think that would be perfect, if it’s a better size, which I’m sure it will be.

Well said @WhatsUpWithGene. If parents, schools or eleven year olds could ’just deal with’ bullying then it would not happen in the first place.

Those are awful bags for a high school kid.

Would he like either of these Op, I think they are definitely a more mature version of what he's looking for so less likely to get teased. x

Echoing everyone else- larger rucksack needed in black. Addidas, Nike or UnderArmour are top choices but plain black is totally fine.
I know he shouldn’t have to ‘fit in’ but there is no need to make year 7 harder than it has to be.

Ahhh yes sorry op but he cant use either of those bags. He just cant, bless him 😔

Tricky because he should be able to use whatever bag he likes… There is a high probability though for piss taking because most kids will have plain Nike/Adidas bags.
How would he handle other kids being horrible to him about it, I have one daughter that would have been mortified and is very keen on being the popular same as everyone else girl. And I have another daughter who couldn’t give a toss about anyone else’s opinions and could hold her own when it came to anyone being mean about her alternative fashion choices… She’s actually pretty cool and I wish I was more like her.. 13 and genuinely couldn’t give a fuck.

I showed DS13. He looked aghast and said your son would definitely be teased by some kids.

It is also definitely not big or strong enough

If he's really set on it could he use the sonic bag for lunch or PE kit to keep in a bigger bag?

Black bag and black trainers with laces tucked in- no need to tie them. I would try and get both new, if you can possibly afford it, rather than on Vinted.

Tell him it's sold out and find something more suitable. A plain black design is ideal. That bag is just too childish for secondary school and it will make him stand out in a negative way, something that he doesn't yet understand. I'm autistic myself and there's a stereotype that autistic boys are obsessed with Sonic - I can absolutely see a secondary school-aged boy being teased for having this bag.

Yes but I do agree with your eldest.

Yep. I thought this. Such a sad thing that children would bully another child over a backpack.

That is honestly far too small for secondary school. My son moved to a year 9 start school last year with the same Adidas bag from his old school and lasted three weeks before he moved to a laptop bag from amazon. He also uses a Nike boot bag for his pe kit attached via a carribiner clip.

It's tiny for secondary school, but also I'd yes yes it's very immature my DS9 just going in to yr 5 would find this too "babyish" for him. His very minimalist Minecraft bag is touch and go at the moment. I'd get ur DS a plain black/blue Nike or puma or whatever sports make backpack.

All the kids round our way have hype bags. My son and niece both have them. Loads of designs, big enough for secondary school and so much choice im sure you might be able to find him one he likes

Mine had plain black nike bags all the way through school, I so think the bag is childish for secondary.

It doesn't need to be a sports bag but it does need to be large enough. My older daughter's backpack is massive and she has needed it since year 7. My younger child is starting secondary next month and is looking at ones like this on Amazon:
https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B0GGHMYHJY/?coliid=I18ET7M8QB8Z5G&colid=1166EYFQRMHMR&ref_=list_c_wl_lv_ov_lig_dp_it&th=1&psc=1
https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B0DP1QQS1T/?coliid=I2TS8CCC7WSNVH&colid=1166EYFQRMHMR&ref_=list_c_wl_lv_ov_lig_dp_it&th=1
To be honest I need to check the dimensions of these options above before I buy one, my older child had/has the following backpack and it was the right dimensions:
https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B07K74LDC6?ref_=ppx_hzsearch_conn_dt_b_fed_asin_title_2&th=1

Let him have the bag he likes and you secretly buy a plain black one for when he comes home saying he doesn't want to take the Sonic bag anymore because he was teased. He should be allowed to make his own decisions and see what the consequences are: whether he values the bag he likes more than social acceptance is up to him.
My son took a glove puppet to school in y7. I think he found communication easier through the puppet. Some boys thought it was weird and stole the puppet and shoved it in a bush. Another boy found it and gave it back. He still made friends and learned not to take things he really liked to school.

They have loads to carry. Both of those way too small. But they are both far too babyish for a year 7. It’s hard I know but spell it out to him.

I do think it’s a little childish, yes. In an ideal world the wee soul should be able to have what bag he wants, but some kids are cruel. I also agree with others that is looks a bit small and he’d be better with a bigger backpack- plain colour or a sporty brand.

Could you say you're not able to have characters on the bag, so he could still get something with colour. I like Vans backpacks and they do all sorts of patterns/colours.